I'm sure this is a cliché :P

[Joda]

I'm normally not the kind of person to draw advantage from love forums, but I really need some serious guidance, and I hate my parents reaction when I tell them about whom with, why and how I'm in love. So this was the best alternative, since I don't have any close friends, due to me just moving and changing schools.
Well, actually me moving is an important factor of my problem. You see, I've been living in this new city for about 8 months or so, and the 6 of these I've been training karate for the first time in 6 years (I've been training 2½ years earlier in my life). Now, sorry for not getting directly to the core of the problem, but it's coming now. On the team on which I train there's a girl, whom I think to be extremely beautiful, and to say it as it is, I'm in love, very much in love. But as wonderful being in love is, it always brings with it complications and problems, and this is of course no exception. First of all, I'm 17 and she's 14 (as far as I know there's about 3 years and a month between us) which is a remarkable difference being in this age, secondly I've never been in a relationship before, which makes totally blank as to how to deal with this and thirdly (this is directed to the girls) I have no idea as to how I'm reading whether this girl is interested in me or not. Often, when we're talking, it quickly turns into stun silence, in the awkward kind of way, which among other things is caused by my brain not working well, when I'm talking to someone I'm in love with.
The thing is, I REALLY am in love, and I need some help as whether or not the age distinction is a problem, how to read her, how the hell I get rid of this stun silence that happens when I'm talking to her and especially how I can pull meself together, and get meself to ask her out or something instead of just sitting here and being pathetic.

Thank you all VERY MUCH.

P.S. Sorry if my english isn't too good, I'm danish.

Great Regards
Joda

[TAVS]

Problem. Move on. Find someone your own age. It'll bring you nothing but problems. Girls your own age have no clue what they want; let alone a 14yr old girl.

[Joda]

"Girls your own age have no clue what they want"
And how the hell is that supposed to be an argument, to let alone someone I'm in love with? I can't just go of and fall in love with whoever I want. And I especially can't start a relationship without being in love. I see how the age distinction can be a problem (or is?) but how is it an argument that girls my own age doesn't know what the want?? It doesn't make sense.

regards
Joda

[Junket]

She's 14 years old.

You're 17.

There's a huge maturity gap, and I'm not only talkin' physically.

Not only that, but she, as well as you are gonna continue to change as you grow. Her especially as I'm guessing she's in highschool.

Not only that she has about 4 or so more years of highschool.

A lot will happen in that amount of time and you'll have already gotten out by then.

Whether you're in love or not is not the issue.

It's whether or not it's smart to go through with this.

My consensus?

It's not.

Love might not know any boundries, but we here in loveforum sure do.

(by the way, for future reference, keep posts of this nature in the dating/dumping sub forums)

[vashti]

When she is 14, I will not even consider allowing my daughter date a 17 year old. The age gap is too great at this stage of development.

It is true you can't help who you become attracted to, but you certainly CAN control your behavior. If you can't handle your feelings around this girl, I suggest you find another hobby.

[Joda]

Not to worry, I have no problems controlling my behavior around her.. As to the schoolsystem, we have a schoolsystem in Denmark that has 10 years of ground school and a potential 11th year, and after that someone will go to a preparational school (called gymnasium) which takes 3 years, before going to our university, where you take a 3 years bachelor degree or a 5 year candidate degree. I'm currently at the 1st year of the gymnasium and she's at the 9th of ground school, so the school system gap isn't as big as it might be in america or britain.
I appreciate you inputs, and I guess most of the way you're right :/. I just needed to hear it from someone other than myself.

[Junket]

Not to worry, I have no problems controlling my behavior around her.. As to the schoolsystem, we have a schoolsystem in Denmark that has 10 years of ground school and a potential 11th year, and after that someone will go to a preparational school (called gymnasium) which takes 3 years, before going to our university, where you take a 3 years bachelor degree or a 5 year candidate degree. I'm currently at the 1st year of the gymnasium and she's at the 9th of ground school, so the school system gap isn't as big as it might be in america or britain.
I appreciate you inputs, and I guess most of the way you're right :/. I just needed to hear it from someone other than myself.

That's what we're here for, to tell people what they need to hear. Rather than what they want to hear.

[Joda]

heh .. and that is important, since the distinction between the two things often is very big.

-Joda

[funsounds]

bullshit

you're not too old for her. 14 year olds get in relationships with 17-18 year olds ALL THE TIME...in every high school, in every state, in ever city...it's happening. shoot...a good 25% of the 14 year olds are gonna lose their virginity to some upper-classman this year.

when i was 16, 17, and 18 years old, me and my mates initiated many many 13 and 14 year olds. even kept on brief relationships. bottom line...high school "love" typically doesn't work out regardless of age difference. but you can certainly carry on a high school romance just as easily with a 14 year old as you could with a 17 year old.

maturity? puhlease!!!!! there's no maturity gap. like a 17 year male is appreciably more mature than a 14 year old female? gimma a break...that's like splitting hairs. bottom line, both ya'll are about as mature as a unhatched chicken egg. you'll get on just fine.

i cant help you with the silence thing...some people are great conversationalist, others aren't. some people click really well taking with certain people...and not well with other people. all i can say...is relax and be yourself. if you feel like you're trying, you're doing something wrong. quite trying. it should come naturally and easy like when you talking with your other friends.

[vashti]

funsounds - how old are you?

[funsounds]

funsounds - how old are you?

25 years old

[vashti]

So by your logic, a 12 year old boy is not too old for an 8-9 year old girl?. Oy.

[funsounds]

So by your logic, a 12 year old boy is not too old for an 8-9 year old girl?. Oy.

when a boy is in elementary school, he crushes MOSTLY on girls his same age. when a boy is in junior high, he crushes on MOSTLY on girls in junior high in the same grade or below. when a boy reaches high school...he's crushin on everyone in the high school and everyone is fair game. older, younger...whatever...it's all fair game.

there are always a tiny tiny group of people that cross school boundaries...like the girl in high school dating the college guy...or the junior high girl dating the underclassman high school guy. but that's NOT common...

that's just the way it was for me and all my friends...and that's how i see it happen in generations of boys younger than me...

is it right? is it wrong? i dont know. i'm not here to argue morals or ethics. but that's the way it goes down.

[on a side note, a high school girl tried to seduce me when i was still in elementary school! no joke! real good lookin girl too. i carry that seduction attempt as a badge of honor! lol]

[vashti]

I see that this is where you have differed from the rest of the posters. I don't argue that older boys don't prey upon younger girls in high school. They are so full of raging hormones, they would stick it just about anywhere.

The rest of us argue that this is wrong, and I am sticking with it. There is a huge difference in sex drive at these ages. Just because (as you claim) 25% of 14 year olds are so desperate for attention they would give it up to anyone who asks does not mean that they ought to be doing it.

[funsounds]

I see that this is where you have differed from the rest of the posters. I don't argue that older boys don't prey upon younger girls in high school. They are so full of raging hormones, they would stick it just about anywhere.

The rest of us argue that this is wrong, and I am sticking with it. There is a huge difference in sex drive at these ages. Just because (as you claim) 25% of 14 year olds are so desperate for attention they would give it up to anyone who asks does not mean that they ought to be doing it.

here's thing...it didn't feel like i was preying upon girls at the time. it's not like i was sitting there licking my chops as i watched the incoming freshman class. i made no distinction...i crushed on and held relationships with freshman through senior girls...i didn't care how old they were. i thought i was in "love" or i thought she was "amazing" or "awesome" or whatever.

and it's not like i pressured any of these girls into sex. if they didn't wanna go somewhere, that's fine...no resistance, arguments, or even passive agressive pressure from me. but...like i said in another thread...some of them knew exactly what to do and even directed me the way they like it. even the ones that hadn't done anything before sorta knew what to do. you start kissing...you slide your hand over her crotch, above the clothes...she slides you hand and feels your crotch. and the rest is history.

so how do these young girls sorta know what to do even if they've never done it? you know what i blame? i blame tv and internet. people watch how things are supposed to progress by watching tv/movies. kids imitate it. and they know what to do once the clothes come off because of tv/movies and because of internet porn...they try to imitate it.

it's only in retrospect that i see what happened. but at the time...i just felt like i was going with the flow. and i'm sure kids doing it now feel they're just going with the flow. the guys aren't trying to 'prey' on younger girls. and the girls don't think they've been 'preyed' on. they're just imitating what they've seen on screens...because their curious, they like pleasure, and that's what they think they SUPPOSED to do because they care for eachother...

even kissing is learned from tv/movies...a 3rd grader isn't trying to peck that girls cheek because it's some inborn human instinct...he's doing it cuz he's seen other people do it, he's seen his parents do it, and he's seen it on the screen...

we just imitate what we've seen...cuz that's how we think it's supposed to be...

i feel like i've gone off on a tangent...what the heck was my point? i might not have a point...

i'll tell you this though...you wanna know where the predation occurs? later high school parties, usually senior year...that's where boys ACTIVELY try to prey on girls. that and college parties.

but all this...it's not something you realize at the time. you realize these things when you get older and reflect on your past behaviors and relationships...and when you try to identify with what younger kids are doing in high school now. at the time...it feels natural...