I need closure, but dont know how

[Smithx]

Hia. Wellp, I'll try to make this as short as possible:

Im 18
I've had only 1 crush my whole life.. and this has been for 4 years. I wont even think of dating anyone else for at least another 2-3 years..
I've never even came remotely close to a relationship before
For over a year and a half, she's known I liked her
Last september, she rejected me
We were good friends, up until she rejected me..
My friends are her friends, a group between 15 or so people, so when we hang out, she's there (sometimes).
When we leave from hanging out, she gives everyone a hug.. including me, which makes me feel very special.. even to this day.

She rejected me by saying the nice way of putting it:
"I never want you to change Brandon"
"I seem to go for the jerks and I dont know why" (Then she dated a complete asswhole who spit in other kids mouth for his humorism.. she hates him now.. he used to come online and brag to me about her.. then she found out and told me in person not to ever allow him to talk to me like that)
"Someday you'll find someone and sweep her off her feet and capture her heart"

This was all thru non-personal contact... 1.5 years ago, I wrote her letters. She cried when she read them, (This was before I signed my name on the bottem of them.. before that it was anonymous) and this was in school mind you. My friends noticed and told me some time later. I sent her emails, and when that horrible day came.. she sent me an email saying that I wasnt one to be with her I guess you could say. Now It's been over 6-7 months. I cry all of the time still, I am always in severe depression. I cry in school, and when I walk passed her in the hallway, I feel a overwhelming amount of guilt, the blood drains from my head and I feel lightheaded. We pass, and I want to kill myself for saying nothing. She dont say Hi to me anymore in the hallways even.. I walk with my friends, she'll say hi to them and skip right over me..She's still really nice to me (She's like that with everyone though.. i get no special attention).

I need to have some closure, I cant keep leaving school with tears running down my cheeks. All of this time, its been over emails, phone messages, or letters.. now its been 7 months with nothing.. I need to hear her say it.. not read it off of a computer monitor.. but i will travel the ends of the earth before hurting her (emotionally) by basically asking her to reject me again.. this time to me in person.. but I.. I cant even look at her without breaking into tears 2 seconds later.. i dont know what to do...

[daisy]

So sad story. Don't be so sensitive! You are man!! (or not? ) You'll find another girl and you'll be happy!!! Just try to occupy yourself with smth right now! May be smth really new for you, that you've never done before..

[confused01]

hey smithx i feel like you are concentrating on her more than your life. and i think probably there is someone in your school who feels same way for you but you won't notice anything because you are so focused on that girl that you forgot there is someone out there waiting for you to noctice her. i know it's hard to forget your freind and love but as Daisy says try to find some activities make yourself busy it usually works most of the time with the right activities.
another thing there is no one on earth that deserve the fact that you suicide for them. i know what you are going through usually activities help and talk about it with the right person not everyone, when i'm depressed which i am now too. i just know who to talk to to get the loud out of my chest it helps a lot and my activity is painting for now.
hope you'll get better and get over her

[XPixiedustX]

Well this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but it must be said...your tooo young to let any girl upset you this much!...not that a person should ever upset you that much, but especially not at this age. People come in and out of our lives, and things don't always work out te way you planned. If you need closure then get it! A guy friend of mine used to love this girl, she was his whole world and then one day she told him she didn't liek him that way, and he was heart broken, that was four years ago, he's still depressed by her, and feels hopless, and constantly wnats to kill himself....aka not a good place to be.
So while you can, just ask her upfront, if she can ever see you as more than a friend, whatever she says, at least it'll be off your mind....

[King Zarathu]

Hey man, I got something to tell you. I'm in the very same damn situation, but the huge amount of time isn't there.

I like this girl, and I just found out she wants to be "just friends." It's the very first time I've been rejected by a girl in my entire life. Ever. It kinda hurts, but you know, you just gotta get over it. Learn to accept, you just aren't the one for her. You should be able to move on with your life, accept what fate gives you, and just get business taken care of.

I can make a direct analogy--my cat is all stretched out on my lap. He probably doesn't give a shit about anything, he just knows he's chillin on my lap fast asleep. But, when I get up to brush my teeth, take my contacts out, and hit the sack, he's probably gonna get really pissed off because I woke his lazy ass up.

Twenty bucks says he gets over it in less than a minute.

[Smithx]

how could i ask her.. considering we never talked about any of this even remotly.. once she gave me one of her goodbye hugs.. she went back into her car. tears going down my face then, i went back to the car and asked for one more.. that was the closest i ever got to showing that this was real.. i know once i start talking to her with the thought of asking for some closure im going to tear up..i cant do it in school, my good friend see's her as a 'sister'.. maybe i can talk to him and see if i'll have an opportunity in the near future.. this is really hard to type even now..i just dont want this to pass me by, to feel this way.. then to leave highschool with nothing more

[King Zarathu]

So while you can, just ask her upfront, if she can ever see you as more than a friend, whatever she says, at least it'll be off your mind....

The answer, obviously, is no!

[Smithx]

?? im so lost..

[confused01]

don't be lost SMITHX try to open your eyes on what's going on, the worl is so big that you don't see anything but her. open up have some fun live yourlife go out meet new people socialize talk to other girls and other people find someone who can listen and he or she might help you out freinds are so important the right freinds of course.
you are concentrating on her and on this problem you don't live your life 4 years is a lot but i'm sure you'll move on, everyone had a crush on someone when we were your age you jsut need to grow up and move on,(i'm not insulting) we all have to grow up and become mature so try to be a mature guy try to successsed in your life that way you get better chances with other girls that are way better.
i'm sure she doesn't hate you she just want you as a freind and the fact that you act that way made her kind of stop talking with you move on, we all have been rejected once in our life in love, work, school maybe, freinds, maybe parents ....and those things are the one that make you get stronger take it as a good start for your life set your plans in your life.

[Smithx]

I understand that I'll never be with her. I've understood this concept after she dated that jerk after she rejected me... and then told me what an asshole he was..

anyway, i think i might be able to let go.. if i know whats in her heart.. i need to hear it.. but i dont know how to approach it. It will be hard on her im sure, she dont want me to feel horrible.. but i dont think she understands whats happening to me and im sheilding it from her so she dont have to witness it. i just need 1-2 minutes with her..

my ideal vision is to be sitting next to her, somewhere away from all the immature friends we have.. and just flat out ask if I could have a little closure. But waiting for that moment may take forever. I've had a few of those moments with her actually.. but this was when we were still talking.. yet i always go dead silent when im in a position to talk to her.. im not a big talker to begin with, i say what needs to be said.. if theres no relevance i just sit there...idk, should I email her asking her if she has a minute one day? i dont want to ask her over the internet because then i'll have this supposed closure over a computer monitor and i wont be able to live with myself if thats the case... idk what to do

[Uniden]

Man, you need to get blown by another girl.


In a year or two, you'll feel silly about all this. I know I did when something like this happened to me.

[XPixiedustX]

Why don't you one day over the internet ask her if she could meet up for a little bit, and then you could talk to her, it'll be just u and her.

[Gigabitch]

Why don't you one day over the internet ask her if she could meet up for a little bit, and then you could talk to her, it'll be just u and her.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea. She sounds like someone who is kind and caring, and would help you close the door on the whole sad story if she could.

However, please be very clear with her that you're looking for closure. You sound really intense, and I can imagine that you'd be a little scary to be alone with, especially for someone you've been obsessed with for years. (Yes, you're obsessed.)

You're almost finished with high school, yes? When you have a big change in your life, like graduation, it's easier to change other things, too. You have to want to get better, though. I think holding on to the pain is the only way you can hold on to her, and it's not healthy.

[squirrley]

It defiently sounds like youre more of a brother to her than anything. You HAVE to let go. Its consuming your life and this is not healthy. We can all tell you to let go and give advice, but the only person who can truly let go and get closure is you. Alot of people believe we need closure to move on and talking to that person or seeing them is the ONLY way of doing so.

If you feel you NEED to talk to her to close this door, then be prepared. You have to understand what youre asking of yourself and of her. Its not healthy as an individual to be so wrapped up in a person. Obviously its your entire life and you are not happy. Once you've been able to get to the point of closure you feel the world of happiness and heaviness lifted off of your shoulders.

Just think how nice it would be to spend your day smiling, rather than crying. It takes more energy to feel down than happy. Look to your future, dont rely so heavily on the fact you cant what you want with this girl. There are so many great things ahead of you. Enjoy the time you have left in HS.

Maybe you could talk to your HS counselor also. Theyre usually pretty good about dealing with situations such as yours, it happens all of the time. You just feel like you cant cope. But I recommend talking to the counselor.

Hang in there, it will get better. And remember to look towards your future and all of those great things you can HAVE rather than NOT.

Goodluck

[Smithx]

Well i have told myself this time and time again.. i think i'll be okay if i just talk to her.. i'll email her (after i read what im going to say 1000s of times to make sure its really what im trying to get across). i just dont know how im going to approach this and i know i know more about this than anyone else so its up to me.. i hope i have it in me to talk to her in person