I need closure for a simple problem...

[Fade2nothing]

Hello,

I've been looking at the forums for a while (but never registered till now) and I figure I might as well just tell you my situation to see what you all think...so here it goes...

So yeah... I am a young male...and ever since Jr. High I have had this crush on this particular girl. To be honest my feelings for her are always fluctuating... I think she is really cute, and I admire her personality, style, grace, and everything about her. The only problem is, I do this from afar.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a shy person, but I am a soft spoken.

But anyway, me and her had a lot of contact during the time I first developed my crush. But now I have lost most of my connections with her. We were good friends in Jr. High, but as High School came, I came in less contact with her. And I am sad to admit it…but now I am in college.

In the younger days me and her use to hang out, but to be honest I never really attempted to get anything going. I did other stuff, like join sports to impress her, and things of that nature but I never went as far as to directly tell her my feelings, or ask her out. She on the other hand sent me many signs, and I read them, but never acted. I guess I was waiting for her to ask me out (foolish of me huh) and I am pretty sure she knew, that I liked her.

So as time went by I found out her interest in me could only go so far. So throughout High School she dated multiple guys. And even had a short relationship with one of my good friends. However, I always had her in my mind regardless. Usually it was in the form of regret, but sometimes I would wish her happiness, and other times I would be blaming her for my sadness… nonetheless whatever I thought it was always about her. She even made appearances in my dreams… (and you know what… I just woke up recently, realizing she made an appearance again in one of my dreams).

Anyway… to sum it up I never did anything to get her to like me, nor did I even tell her my feelings… however, I did muster up some courage and took her to prom… but even then I did not do anything to sweep her off her feet (except dance but you can only go so far) and the night was ruined for me, knowing I did nothing.

So now I am in college and I truly feel I need closure on this sick crush I have on her… I can’t get her out of my mind. I have tried multiple times… trying to convince myself that she is no longer approachable and all I can do is wish her happiness and move on… but whenever I try to forget I just remember, and feel sad about it…

She is a great person, and I guess you just remember great people, but seriously, I don’t need to remember her anymore…

I have tried to like other girls… but nothing really compares to her… I guess she is my first and only love… but I haven’t really done anything to make her like me…

I feel stupid about my own flaws, and how they hinder my attempts at relationship… but the only mistake I made in romance… seems to linger with me and impair my abilities in finding the right person for me.

How can I be this stupid? What should I do?

I don’t know… let me know what you think… any input is appreciated (even the ones that slap my unnecessary wretchedness)

[1averagejoe]

Do you still have any contact with her still? How about asking her out on a date?

I was kind of in your situation, definitely not as bad though. Had a crush, and there is really only one way to find out if they feel the same about you...ask them. Ask them on a date. If they say no or decline, walk away as nothing happened. Don't try and push it on them. You'll get over it eventually. I think what you've got going on right now is your feelings of constantly wondering what if you did this or that, could it have been different? Stop worrying about the past and start worrying about now.

It's very unlikely she is the one anyways, you're young and there are plenty of others out there. But like I said, if you still have contact with her just ask her out. Like someone here on the forums told me, crushes are like farts...it hurts to hold them in, so just let it out. You'll feel better after.

[Fade2nothing]

Haha... I like the analogy...

To address what you suggested...

I still have contact... and no I have not asked her on a date directly... but I have asked her to hang out.... only a few times though... and those were long ago...

I feel that if I contact her now... it would only be awkward... don't get me wrong, I have tried to muster up courage to ask her out, but my timing always seems to be off and my first try is usually my last try for the day, at least for that circumstance.

Honestly though... the fear of rejection... is not what makes me scared... it is more like my fear in lost... or remembrance... (sounds rather silly, and contradicting)

For the most part your advice is noted... and could be potentially helpful... but at this point in time... I am not ready... why?

I don't know... something within me tells me thats not the solution...yet

I guess I am not looking for her to like me back... but rather for her to acknowledge my affection... (but how can she do that when she doesn't know?)

I'm lost in my thoughts in the moment, so forgive my rant and child like reasoning... but at this moment in time... I would rather forget... than to ponder what if... because knowing the answer to that would probably make me regret even more...

I guess I am just confused at the moment... I suppose I should wait and try to meet somebody that actually forces me to unleash my romance onto them... but until that time... I'll just ponder what if... actually its more like "what happened..."

Thanks
(... I am my own problem)

[Cain]

You really don't need our advice. You like this girl, so ask her out. Don't make it awkward. Just reach down your pants, grab your balls, and pick up the phone.

[vashti]

Sorry to be blunt, but jeezus, what a coward. Man up and ask her out, and quit acting like a weenie after you make contact. She is going to run out of patience soon, if she hasn't already.

[Fade2nothing]

That does seem like the most probable solution in my case... simple solutions always seem like the answer... but I get where you guys are going at...

And like you proposed she has probably already lost interest... at least any romantic interest...

Asking her out, I feel would be inappropriate in my circumstance, and awkward around my neck of the woods... (you have to try to smoothly transition into it... but in an indirect way)... and besides it would probably be a semi-long distance relationship... or a weekend only relationship... because I'm unable to drive to her...

But I suppose I'll talk to her soon casually... and gather some more information... then finalize this situation in my own way... (hopefully I don't choke up on that... too)

Thanks for the input... (and what I said above basically sums up to... yes I will ask her out... even though I feel it would only be a summer thing, but I guess it will be one hell of a summer, in both the positive and the negative... depending on the outcome)

I guess you need to be kicked in the balls to know you have some...

Again thanks... I knew the answer to this question, would involve my balls/guts in some way... haha

[Cain]

Don't try to be sly with the whole asking her out thing. Some women don't like a guy to beat around the bush.

[DarkDwarf]

...read them, but never acted. I guess I was waiting for her to ask me out (foolish of me huh) and I am pretty sure she knew, that I liked her.

Anyway… to sum it up I never did anything to get her to like me, nor did I even tell her my feelings… however, I did muster up some courage and took her to prom… but even then I did not do anything to sweep her off her feet (except dance but you can only go so far) and the night was ruined for me, knowing I did nothing.

How can I be this stupid? What should I do?

I don’t know… let me know what you think… any input is appreciated (even the ones that slap my unnecessary wretchedness)

I've selected and bolded three different things here. In response to the first one, yes and no. Someone on this forum once essentially wrote a paper about about how its unjust and inappropriate that guys have to ask girls out; however, considering this crush you have had on her, it is truly quite remarkable that you have not asked her out or have even made serious plans to do it.

Second quote: I too, have had this feeling that you describe. The "I wish I would have done A. Then maybe B would happen and then C". It happens to the best of us. (Not that I am the best though )

Third, that depends. You did not make it clear what your current contact with her is. If she lives near you and you still talk, ask her out. I agree with what some others have said, you need to stop living in an existential quandry filled with your own self-doubt and ask her out!