The money factor

[appletini]

Hi all,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year.Recently,we're experiencing a bumpy part of our relationship that I hope the kind people here can give me some advice.

Recently,my boyfriend is experiencing some financial troubles.He has saved up some money and invested that money in a venture,but unfortunately that investment failed and he lost all the savings.Money is pretty tight for him right now.

I have a wedding that I have to attend in another city next weekend,and I invited him to come along with me.He is not acquainted with this friend of mine,but I thought it'd be nice if he wants to take a break.But since money is pretty tight for him right now,he said he couldn't go because he couldn't afford to pay for the ticket and accommodation. So I said,ok I'll go myself.He got upset with me because he thought I would volunteer to treat him to this trip.He said it should be pretty obvious that that's the thing a loved one would do for one another.

Now I know that he's experiencing some financial troubles and if I want him to come along,I'd have to pay for it.But I don't feel comfortable paying a trip for him.I just don't feel that a woman should be paying for a man.Is this an immature and selfish way of thinking?Should I be more understanding of his situation and be less old fashioned?
Throughout our dating we've always gone 50-50.He has never asked me to pay anything for him except in this situation.But I'm afraid if I start paying for him this time,in the future he would depend on me too much financially.I don't think he's that type of person,but ...

So,I'd love to hear your advice!Thank you all and a good day to you!

[vashti]

I think whomever does the inviting should pay. If you can't afford it, don't invite. If you are going to resent paying, don't invite.

[Gigabitch]

I can see how you'd be worried that this would be a precedent and that in the future, he'd start sponging off of you, but I don't think he necessarily would.

I have to say, though, that I find it quite horrible that he actually told you he wanted you to pay for him. I mean, you didn't offer. End of story, right? Jeeze, the cojones on that guy...

[appletini]

he actually told you he wanted you to pay for him.

Well he didn't really want me to pay for him,but he suggested that I could've done it to make him feel better.He used the analogy of teaching me how to swim.If I can't swim,he'll teach me so I can also enjoy the sea,and not leave me on the shore by myself.So in this case,I should've volunteered to pay for him so he won't be left behind,while I go on vacation.

It just never occur to me to pay for him.I've never been in this kind of situation where I pay for my bf's vacation before.But at the same time,I think I also need to be more understanding of his current financial situation.

[Junket]

I'd feel pretty rotten too if my girlfriend invited me somewhere and decided to leave me high and dry without even offering to pay for me.

50/50 is good and all, but he shouldn't be the only one to pay for the other on occasion . 'Cause then it's really not 50/50 is it? But more like 70/30.

For me, I'm very hesitant to let my girlfriend pay for me in full for anything. But when I buy a 250 dollar plane ticket to see her, I don't really have an argument. She usually lets me pay for dinner here and there, but I can't quite argue with her when she insists she pay for something.

Now, I don't know how much he's asking you to dish out. But if he's paid for you in the past, think of those as unofficial IOU's. You're just payin' him back for all the times he paid for you.

But don't make a habit of paying for everything for him, regardless of whether he's in some money trouble. He can't lean on you too much.