will arsenic cure my friends crush on the stupidest guy in town?

[misombra]

so my friend who recently split with her ex, is hanging out with this guy.

this guy makes my freakin skin crawl away. i have a hard time keeping this from her (as some of you who know me might imagine.) and i think she's offended and irritated with me already, because i cannot pretend to like him.

the worst part is she's starting to bring him around. the other night she brought him to my house and everybody was like, "why is this person here?"

nobody likes him. seriously, nobody but my naive friend. he wants to tag along with her everywhere to make sure guys don't talk to her. and if they do he talks shit about them. there are a lot of guys that hang out here, and that's the only reason he came over with her. she was doing a treatment on one of our friends who is a guy.

my friend doesn't want to get attached to anybody, but i'm afraid this guy is sucking her into his world.

i tell myself constantly, "misombra, he's going to eliminate himself eventually, don't worry." but then she's hanging out with him again tonight, after last night she said she told him she couldn't hang out with him for two weeks or something because she was bugged that he was trying to possess her.

what do i do? how can i make this person disappear in a more legal way than slipping arsenic into his drink?

[misombra]

i must also add that this guy is a downgrade from her ex-husband. i mean seriously, the girl is bottom feeding here...

[Junket]

Tell her straight up that her friend is not invited to your house as long as he's with her.

Get all your friends to say the same.

This way, you're not really barring her from comin' around, you're still giving her a choice in the matter.

[vashti]

Ugh. I don't know why some girls can't see what creeps guys like that are.

Maybe you can introduce her to someone else?

[misombra]

Tell her straight up that her friend is not invited to your house as long as he's with her.

Get all your friends to say the same.

This way, you're not really barring her from comin' around, you're still giving her a choice in the matter.

that's a good idea.

[misombra]

Ugh. I don't know why some girls can't see what creeps guys like that are.

Maybe you can introduce her to someone else?

i don't know what is wrong with her mind. you know what it is? he's so manipulative. he knows my friend is naive and is totally exploiting it. he begs her to go to his house. when she says no he lays guilt trips on her!

she likes my roommate, but my roommate is of good stock. i would approve him only for my smartest friend. i cannot include this girl in that category because she is not being smart right now. she is being manipulated in many ways.

a little more into this guy: he recently divorced his wife, who he found was cheating on him with all kinds of nasty people. they had lunch recently and the girl told him she has herpes and HPV.

is it possible that he has it? not just possible, but probable.

and he's touching my friend. omg i want to throw up right now.

[vashti]

Eww! Doesn't she know about the HPV and herpes? You can't get rid of either one! gross.

[misombra]

i don't know.

she's not having sex with him (yet), although he's working on her. i don't think she knows about it and i think she's so sick of hearing my negativity toward him that she wouldn't care if he had aids. she'll still say, "i'm not having sex with him, and he said she got it after they split up."

but she's put her hands on his peepee and kissed him and stuff.

vashhh, will you please call her and tell her about herpes?

[CAM]

Sometimes women (and men) on the rebound like to engage in a little "Gutter garbage" tour with members of the opposite sex. They hang out with trash because: a) they have self-worth problems post-break up; or, b) they just don't want to have a rebound relationship that involves thinking; or, c) to get attention from others like yourself who will express concern and wonder wtf she is hanging out with a total bum of a guy...it is part of the re-establishing self-worth phase.

What can you do? Nothing. Part of the self-worth redevelopment will involve her establishing a connection to this worthless bum, trying to rebuild him and she is trying to rebuild herself. If you attack her new toy, she'll only cling to him/it tighter.

[misombra]

yeah, i'm afraid that's already what's happening.

i think she's going through all 3 of those things. her self-worth has been off kilter for a long time. her husband did some pretty disgusting things.

i guess i can only hope that he'll eliminate himself sooner than later. i will do my best at not saying anything. which will be hard.

very
very
very
very
hard.

[Junket]

yeah, i'm afraid that's already what's happening.

i think she's going through all 3 of those things. her self-worth has been off kilter for a long time. her husband did some pretty disgusting things.

i guess i can only hope that he'll eliminate himself sooner than later. i will do my best at not saying anything. which will be hard.

very
very
very
very
hard.

You can say shit. But more in an 'offhand' sort of way. Like if she were to bring him up in conversation, or ask if it's okay that he come around to hang out. Make use of obvious body language. A grimace, a sigh of exasperation, eye roll. That type of thing. This way you're the one who looks like you're on the defensive and not her. As if she's doing you some wrong, or disservice.

[squirrley]

I feel for you Misombra. You've got a good friend whose hanging around scum of the earth and you feel helpless. Ok, my suggestion is to say something but bring her self esteem up at the same time. She's better than that, etc. If you dog him out too much she might get on the defensive side. You dont want to alienate her.

Just tell her youre concerned about her welfare. She's been in a bad situation just to find herself in another one. People who are down just attract others like it. Gosh like fly paper ya know!

Doesnt sound like you know too much about him other than he's nastier than hell. Its gross it grosses me out, but she's an adult and has to make her own decisions, the best we can do as friends is try to guide her in a more positive direction. Myabe get her busy doing other things to get her away from this scum pond. But always let her know youre there for her. If you see her continuing to make ucky decisions AFTER you've made attempts to correct it, then make yourself less available!

Goodluck honey!

[Gigabitch]

Damn, she needs your help. At some point, something you're going to say is going to click and she'll turn around. This is what happened with me.

I remember my friend Lissie waving a red tea towel around in my kitchen not two years ago, yelling, "RED FLAG, Giga! RED FLAG" about something that rotten rebound Goombah I was involved with did. She looked right into my eyes and said, nice and slow, "He is so not worthy."

That was what did it. I don't know why, particularly, since many people had said many things about him that I had refused to hear.

So what I'm saying is, don't bite your tongue. Don't keep it to yourself. You need to be absolutely rotten about him. She needs this.

Please talk to your roommate about giving her some attention without committing himself too much. She needs to be getting his from somewhere besides Mr. Slimy.

[DoesntMatter]

Arsenic is classless. Use plutonium

[misombra]

well my roommate says he doesn't want to make a situation where she doesn't want to see him so she won't come over.

which is possible i suppose. i think i'd rather her not come over than come over with this guy. gawd he is scummy.

squirrley, i've known this person for quite some time. his sister is a friend of my friends. i call her that because this girl is also annoying and weird. but she never tried to get her herpes all over my friend like her brother is.

you know i had a great friend years back, she moved away and i hardly ever talk to her anymore, but she was brilliant. she knew everything i swear. i wish i had more friends like her. i have yet to find a female friend to fill her void around here.

anyway this guy was gone while he was married. his wife was this disgusting, nasty girl inside and out. she went over to a new years party my friend was having and talked all kinds of bad shit about my friends daughter, who i am very close to. omg i wanted to beat her up like i beat up girls in the hall in high school.

so he walked on her and their roommate getting it on. he left her and called my friend for "support and advice."

omg i hate him so much you guys.