Birthday Dilemma

[elphie]

So my birthday is coming up and my bf suggested taking a tropical vacation as his birthday present to me. I recently graduated college so I have very limited means right now...just enough to get by. He's been talking about taking a trip and knows I don't have a lot of money which is I think why he said it would be my birthday present (I wouldn't be able to pay for myself to go).

He has a very stable job and is financially secure, but I'm hesitant to accept his offer. a) I've never gotten anything that will be so expensive before. b) He pays for me whenever we go out to eat or to movies and whatnot, but that combined with the trip is a lot and knowing that I can't pay for myself makes me a bit uncomfortable (I guess its the knowing that I can't pay) and c) I already don't have a lot I can spend on him for gifts and this is only going to magnify how little I can actually spend.

Any suggestions? I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. Thanks.

[Mish]

So my birthday is coming up and my bf suggested taking a tropical vacation as his birthday present to me. I recently graduated college so I have very limited means right now...just enough to get by. He's been talking about taking a trip and knows I don't have a lot of money which is I think why he said it would be my birthday present (I wouldn't be able to pay for myself to go).

He has a very stable job and is financially secure, but I'm hesitant to accept his offer. a) I've never gotten anything that will be so expensive before. b) He pays for me whenever we go out to eat or to movies and whatnot, but that combined with the trip is a lot and knowing that I can't pay for myself makes me a bit uncomfortable (I guess its the knowing that I can't pay) and c) I already don't have a lot I can spend on him for gifts and this is only going to magnify how little I can actually spend.

Any suggestions? I'm not sure what to do or how to handle this. Thanks.

Hi elphie. You are concerned about the trip because you don't have a lot of money that you can spend. But didn't you say your bf will give you the trip as a present? Doesn't that mean that you will just pay for food and other things that you would buy even without the trip?

Your gifts for him shouldn't necesarily cost a lot of money. You can create something for him out of cheap material (Painting, picture, item of clothing, framed photo). The sentimental value of a gift can sometimes be a lot more valuable than the price tag on it. Also, have you thought about returning his material gifts for you in emotional or physical currency? I'm sure you could pay him back in say a nice and relaxing massage?

How long have you two been together by the way? And how old are the two of you?

[vashti]

Elphie, some people enjoy giving. Maybe your B/F is one of those people. Unless you have only recently started dating, I see no reason to not accept this gift (unless you suspect he will constantly remind you that he paid for this as a way to manipulate you). Just be sure he knows you appreciate him.

People who have money tend not to attach as much emotion to it as those who do not. I bet he really just wants to do something nice for you.

[Gigabitch]

Do you have any reason to feel bad about this beyond the financial? (For instance, are you planning on breaking up with him?)

[bohemiandonut]

Yeah, if you're going to drop him after he spends all his allowance money on a plane ticket for you than just do your conscience a favor and weasel out of it.

[Mathias]

Yeah, if you're going to drop him after he spends all his allowance money on a plane ticket for you than just do your conscience a favor and weasel out of it.

Or do it now. Can't stand people who drag it out.

[elphie]

No....I have no intention on breaking up with him. He is a really great guy (e.g. brought me food and medicine when I was sick...stuff like that) and he wouldn't use it as a way to manipulate me. I just wanted to get other opinions on this because I've never been in a situation like this (both with having so little financially and with having someone besides family pay for something so big) and am unsure what to do. I guess part of my problem with it is knowing that I can't pay...it would be different if he said he would pay after I offered to pay for myself (if I could).

[Gigabitch]

Believe it or not, some guys really love to be generous and get a lot out of paying for things. Just be sincerely appreciative and you'll be fine. He's a grownup. He wouldn't offer if he didn't want to.

[vashti]

How long have you been seeing him?

[elphie]

We've been dating exclusively for 4/5 months. I've known him for almost a year and we most likely would have dated exclusively then, but I recently finished college and moved back home for awhile and we didn't want to get involved in a long distance relationship from the very beginning. As soon as I moved back I let him know and now we are in a relationship.

[nuevo]

I can't suggest anything, I think is completely up to you

[Illusional]

simple.. live take and take his generous offer.

raverboy

[vashti]

Only a few months? Hmm... I guess I can understand why you would be hesitant in that case. That is an expensive gift to receive from someone you haven't been seeing all that long. Maybe you can tell him to save the trip for Christmas?