birthday dilemma

[ferdinand]

just a quick little one.

it's my ex-girlfriend's birthday today. we work together, and we're Not Talking. it's horrible. I'm forever looking for ways to break the tension, though it's always a pretty clumsy attempt.

in spite of myself, I'm still in love with her, and she knows this. she doesn't feel the same, and has treated me, I think, fairly badly. I think she doesn't really care, but other people have said she feels bad about what happened and doesn't know what to say to me.

anyway, should I wish her happy birthday? I'm not comfortable talking to her, but could send an email or something.

will she appreciate it, or will it make her feel awkward?

[lostinconfusion]

i'm not sure, but in my experience if a girl knows you still have feelings for her but doesn't feel the same way, she might treat you kind of mean to make you dislike you her and make you move on. she prob does feel bad and awkward and would like to break the tension as much as you. so i say, yes go for it. wish her happy birthday. don't do any big gestures that could mislead her into thinking you are trying to get her back. e-mail i think is fine. just a quick note with maybe a friendly smiley face attached. or if oyu work together just dropping by her cubicle, or w/e, and dropping a quick happy birthday in person could be nice too. just make sure to send out a strong " this is a friend wishing a friend happy birthday" vibe, NOT the " i love you and sitll want you back happy birthday". hope this helps :-)

[banser123]

Unless she has treated you really horrible I would send her an email saying happy birthday. I was in almost the exact situation. I dated a girl I worked with and we were really close at work, then she ended it all of a sudden and it was bad at work . We didnt talk for 3 months. I didnt talk to her at all and vice versa. I felt the same, that she didnt care. And the other girls at work said she did but was uncomfortable. I didnt believe them. Then all of a sudden she called me, unexpectedly, and asked to talk.
You never know, maybe she just feels akward. So by you sending an email is just a nice jesture. But like I said, if she did something horrible to you, like cheat on you or something drastic, then I wouldnt bother. It all depends on the situation

[ferdinand]

cheers, guys. I sent it, she said thank you.

but it's not enough, y'know?

I can't handle this ignoring and avoiding each other nonsense. it's gone on too long, and I have to fix things, as far as they can be fixed. I can't have a problem with someone I'm going to see every single day for the foreseeable future. it's unprofessional. and I think I'll be waiting forever for her to make any sort of move. I'm much older than her, and more senior in the company. I have to be the man. and they're about to move us both into some smaller office annexe - heh; fate has a twisted sense of humour.

I'm going to wait a couple of days and then suggest we go for a coffee to try to smooth things over. I guess she'd have to be pretty snide to turn that down.

obviously, it could backfire, but I don't know how things could be any worse than they are now...