"Friend zone" ideas

[XPRabbit]

Okay something came up and I wanted to share it with you, The idea of this Friend zone keeps going around. So in another thread I was asked to talk with my female friends to see how I was placed into this zone. I asked 2 friends… the first was a girl I like and she said that there is no friend zone to her it’s all just in attraction. The 2nd was a girl I have known since my junior year of high school.

Now this 2nd girl was the best candidate to ask because we are close friends and I was not on her datable list at all in high school.
I asked her if there was a friend zone that she had, I explained the general concept. And I also mentioned the Nice guy Syndrome (NGS for the sake of shorthand).
She was fast about using me as her example for argument.
When we were friends in school I was a manic depressive, I was facing an emotional slump and also I don’t have the build that she finds attractive at all. That and well I kind of avoided the idea of dating her because I promised her I wouldn’t pursue her since it seemed every guy was. So though the days of school we were friends basically leaving me in this imaginary “friend zone”.
She went to college and met a guy, sure I saw here here and there but hardly ever. Then after a few months I hear from her sister that she married the guy she met and all. Then a good while after that she called me up to “catch up”
We spoke on the phone and next thing I knew we were talking daily, I mean to the point where she blew past all her phone minuets just talking to me. We became great friends, I was telling her everything and she was open about a lot with me. Well were still great friends, with her being busy we talk here and there but it’s great when I hear from her.
She called me at work as I was talking in the forums and someone told me to ask my female friends, so I asked her. This brings us back to Do. Lol j/k so were back at now.
She went through what I just stated (she was more in depth but I said what I needed). Then she told me that if she wasn’t taken then we probably would have dated. Her getting to know me again after a long time of nothing she found that she became mentally attracted to me. She told me that if I was the guy I am now in Highschool and we had even remotely the same feelings for each other, back then that we do now, she would have dated me. My mental attraction would have hidden the physical lack there of, and she talked about the NGS too as being the same general concept.

I found from the conversation we had I realized what she was trying to say. The Friend Zone isn’t really there, instead it’s an easy substitute for the real reasons they don’t date. When your placed into this so called “friend zone” by a female or heck when a man places a girl in the “friend zone” it’s because there is a lack of attraction… and this attraction can be built so the “friend zone” can be worked out of… the challenge is in attraction…

And another point that is made in the just a nice guy videos, “how would she know she is special to you when you treat everyone just as special as her.” So I think men place themselves in the Friend pile because they never let the girl they like know that there is interest.

So in the long run I think this “friend’s zone” is just a way to hide what the issue is… is it the lack of attraction or is it the lack of communication?

In the end, I think the moral is, if you’re interested then it won’t hurt to try for it even when you seem to be in the “friend zone” because nothing is set in stone when it comes to attraction, and who knows, you may be surprised. I direct you to the signature I have down below, I think we should all travel the road of love, even if we end up back on the singles interstate, our map will only be more complete.

[Cain]

Okay something came up and I wanted to share it with you, The idea of this Friend zone keeps going around. So in another thread I was asked to talk with my female friends to see how I was placed into this zone. I asked 2 friends… the first was a girl I like and she said that there is no friend zone to her it’s all just in attraction. The 2nd was a girl I have known since my junior year of high school.

Now this 2nd girl was the best candidate to ask because we are close friends and I was not on her datable list at all in high school.
I asked her if there was a friend zone that she had, I explained the general concept. And I also mentioned the Nice guy Syndrome (NGS for the sake of shorthand).
She was fast about using me as her example for argument.
When we were friends in school I was a manic depressive, I was facing an emotional slump and also I don’t have the build that she finds attractive at all. That and well I kind of avoided the idea of dating her because I promised her I wouldn’t pursue her since it seemed every guy was. So though the days of school we were friends basically leaving me in this imaginary “friend zone”.
She went to college and met a guy, sure I saw here here and there but hardly ever. Then after a few months I hear from her sister that she married the guy she met and all. Then a good while after that she called me up to “catch up”
We spoke on the phone and next thing I knew we were talking daily, I mean to the point where she blew past all her phone minuets just talking to me. We became great friends, I was telling her everything and she was open about a lot with me. Well were still great friends, with her being busy we talk here and there but it’s great when I hear from her.
She called me at work as I was talking in the forums and someone told me to ask my female friends, so I asked her. This brings us back to Do. Lol j/k so were back at now.
She went through what I just stated (she was more in depth but I said what I needed). Then she told me that if she wasn’t taken then we probably would have dated. Her getting to know me again after a long time of nothing she found that she became mentally attracted to me. She told me that if I was the guy I am now in Highschool and we had even remotely the same feelings for each other, back then that we do now, she would have dated me. My mental attraction would have hidden the physical lack there of, and she talked about the NGS too as being the same general concept.

I found from the conversation we had I realized what she was trying to say. The Friend Zone isn’t really there, instead it’s an easy substitute for the real reasons they don’t date. When your placed into this so called “friend zone” by a female or heck when a man places a girl in the “friend zone” it’s because there is a lack of attraction… and this attraction can be built so the “friend zone” can be worked out of… the challenge is in attraction…

And another point that is made in the just a nice guy videos, “how would she know she is special to you when you treat everyone just as special as her.” So I think men place themselves in the Friend pile because they never let the girl they like know that there is interest.

So in the long run I think this “friend’s zone” is just a way to hide what the issue is… is it the lack of attraction or is it the lack of communication?

In the end, I think the moral is, if you’re interested then it won’t hurt to try for it even when you seem to be in the “friend zone” because nothing is set in stone when it comes to attraction, and who knows, you may be surprised. I direct you to the signature I have down below, I think we should all travel the road of love, even if we end up back on the singles interstate, our map will only be more complete.

You'll also find a lot of women that are attracted to a guy but because they were friends first, she's hesitant to date him because she doesn't want to take the chance that the friendship will be forever lost if they break up.

[Kromat]

You'll also find a lot of women that are attracted to a guy but because they were friends first,
she's hesitant to date him because she doesn't want to take the chance that the friendship will be forever lost if they break up.

Exactly, that is why waiting too long to initiate is bad for both people, since there
would have been so many opportunities for it to develop into something more.

[starbuck]

For me the "friend zone" is all about lack of attraction or chemistry. I'm not concerned about wrecking a friendship to be honest. If there is attraction and chemistry there, I'd rather go for the gusto and risk the friendship if I have to. I've always got my girlfriends if it doesn't work out.

The only other way I'd put someone in the "friend zone" despite attraction is if there were other deal-breaker circumstances that would surely keep me from dating him, like age, or substance abuse.

[XPRabbit]

but in the end dating is a risk in itself, the question is are you attracted to them enough to take the risk. i mean even dating a complete stranger you risk heart break... your just playing at a bigger table, the stakes are higher when it's a friend you love... lol this is why it's really impossible to write a perfect manual on love advice... the factors are too many. in the end it's the risks we take that define the paths we make.

[Kromat]

In the end it's the risks we take that define the paths we make.

This statement can be applied to anything that we do, since to get ahead, we need to take advantage of the opportunities
that are presented in front of us, and not worry about the outcome, and If it's a specific friend that your trying to develop
further feelings for, you've had all the time to figure out, If the friendship can become a relationship.
I'd be the same to risk a friendship when a relationship could be established and could stop playing the guessing game and
actually make it a reality where both of you can eventually be happy and really care about one another for years to come.

[all alone]

So in the long run I think this “friend’s zone” is just a way to hide what the issue is… is it the lack of attraction or is it the lack of communication?

In the end, I think the moral is, if you’re interested then it won’t hurt to try for it even when you seem to be in the “friend zone” because nothing is set in stone when it comes to attraction, and who knows, you may be surprised. I direct you to the signature I have down below, I think we should all travel the road of love, even if we end up back on the singles interstate, our map will only be more complete.

Im really with on this subject until this last passage. The friend zone imo is not the difference maker when it comes to two people being attracted to each other. When it really comes into play if when theres an 'on the fence' situation where the call could go either way.

I think you guys hit the nail when talking about risking a friendship. Although i am one who would side with 'taking a chance' i know a few female friends who would say the opposite and i was shot down myself in pretty much a 'risk' situation because of the friend zone.

Although one maybe willing to risk a friendship not everyone is. In conclusion, the friend zone is a factor only in close situations which is over used as an easy excuse for a let down.

[My Advice]

If you are too nice and act like she is your only option, that can kill the attraction, and of course as the above posters said, not acting soon enough. Sometimes flirting but not acting 'too interested' is the best course of action. That way you don't pressure her. However even if you do everything that is right to get out of the friend zone, if there is a lack of potential chemistry, you wont get out of it.

[all alone]

I think you hit the nail on the head with this thread. I was in similar positions in HS where i found myself in the friend zone however now that i look back and reflect on it, and compare it to what i have experienced now, it does come down to attraction as you stated.

I think biggest problem is just youngsters with a lack of experience/knowledge don't totally understand how attraction works. Not that people who do find bfs of gfs in HS so, but just they are just the ones who got by the rule for whichever reasons.

Im in situations where i see friends who ive had little contact with for 2-3 years since i have graduated and when you do talk or whatever, you can feel there is just a different vibe in general. Not that one is particularly attracted to the other or anything like that, just the way you communicate (verbal and non-verbal) changes. I guess you mature more once you graduate, but not per say in the ways you expect but by your understanding of others. (not saying people figure out the opposite sex, just socializing changes more then youd think).