Really don't know what to do, slowly going crazy.

[vizi0n]

So 3 years ago I met this amazing girl, and for the first year it was nothing but perfection, and we got along like nothing else. I am only 20 years old and this was my first relationship ever, first kiss, first everything. A little after a year I started to double guess myself and asked to go on a break, I hurt her like nothing else that day and regret that decision everyday. I did not sleep or do anything with anyone during this break and eventually asked her back. She was reluctant but eventually decided to say ok. It seemed like everything was ok, but we were starting to argue and have fights more than usual, but we would usually get over it fast and laugh and make up.

For some reason I started having some issues with myself which I was taking out on her and never really noticed how much pain I was causing her. We broke up back and forth a few times over the next year, but I thought that we would make it til the end. Now, recently I decided once again that I wanted a break, even though I knew that we could make it work and thought we'd be together forever. She begged for me back and I accepted realizing that I really did want her and wanted to work full force on it this time.. but 2 days later she said she wanted space and I found out that she has been seeing a new guy. We got in a fight when she was talking on the phone right in front of me and later she tried to apologize, but I ignored a few calls only to answer and tell her to go away, that it was over. After that I wrote a nasty note on facebook that only she could see, but she thought that everyone could, I felt horrible writing it but wanted to hurt her because of my jealousy. She called later that night when she read it and I could tell she was upset, but I figured I'd just say meh, and expected us to be talking again later.

Now its been a couple weeks and I want her more than anything, I have had time away to actually think. We havn't had more than a few days of no contact in all of 3 years, this is very hard. She won't answer calls, and when she does she says lots of hurtful things which I deserve. I have talked to her friend who says "she is done for good" but I have heard that before. I have so much to work on, but I am willing to change my bad habbits and the way that I am towards some people. I have been giving her space and hope for a phone call or anything, but it doesn't look like I should expect anything.

It has meant so much to me, and I believe she wants to move on because she thinks that I will never change, I really want to let her know that I will try my hardest if I ever got the chance. I treasured our relationship and liked the fact that it was me and her that gave each other every part of one another.

My question is, has anyone else went through a relationship like this and .. Should I just wait, try to get over her, and hopefully hear from her soon, become friends at least? It seems like a waste to hate each other and I am really regretting this whole deal, and not being able to get ahold of her to say that I'm truly sorry.

If anyone has any suggestions or experiences theyd like to share please feel free, I am willing to do anything in my power to get her back in my life any which way.

Thanks.

[IndiReloaded]

Live forever, learn everything.

Its over. Let her go, she's not coming back. Do better next time.