Should I Leave My Girfriend For Lying To Me?

[sad_soul]

Ok...so here is my situation. Please read and help me out. I am not sure what I should do....


So, I met this girl at a party several months ago, and we just talked about general stuff, but neither of us changed any contact info. Few months later, we met again at a club, and we were drinking together and dancing and talked about a lot of stuff about ourselves, and figured that we are very much alike. So, we started dating after that day, and within two weeks we were really comfortable with each other. So comfortable, that we started talking about our past....like how many ppl we dated and had sex with. and we also talked about if we did any hardcore drugs in our lifetime, and figured out we were both clean. We were both ok about each other's private info. and we got into a pretty serious relationship. (I know it was too quick). so after a month, we started talking about something and the past thing came up again, and she told me that she actually had sex with two more guys whom she didn't tell me about. I was pretty pissed at her as she lied to me about it earlier, while i was completely truthful to her. So, I stopped talking to her for 2-3 days, but then accepted her again. Now, after a month, somehow our conversation went to that past direction again, and she told me that she did Ecstasy and Cocaine. but she said she was not addicted to them, just did them few times. So, she lied to me again, and I figured that she might have lied to me b4 about her previous sexual relationship. So I charged her with that, and she accepted that she did it with one more guy whom she didn't tell me about b4.....

Now the thing is I really trusted her b4, but after she lied to me 2-3 times, i lost my trust on her. I still think she is hiding more stuff about her from me. May be she had sex with many more guys or may be she is being completely honest, and have no more past history, but how can i believe her now....specially when she lied to me all these days and broke my trust. Now, I am even thinking that if she is cheating on me with another guy. Because, I am usually very busy and only get to see my girlfriend 3 times a week. I don't really know what she is doing the other 4 days of the week. May be she is not cheating, but obviously i am gonna have doubts now since she lied to me about other stuffs. So for now, I told her that she really disappointed me, and I am really pissed. I told her I wont talk to her for few days, as I need some time to think if I should be with her or leave her. I told her to leave me alone for few days.

We have been in a relationship for 3 months now, and I really like her. She is really nice to me and takes care of me, but she did lie to me. which is pissing me off as I cannot stand lies. So people, please help me out. What should I do in this situation? Should I live her or should I accept her? I don't have problems if she did something bad in the past. As long as she is good to me, I am ok. but the reason I am mad is because she lied to me, even when i asked about those stuff several times. So I cannot trust her now. She might be telling the truth now, but what if she lies to me again in future?

[Zitron]

How about asking her WHY she had not tell you before? Why she lied to you? It could be that the first she was afraid her past would scare you off, then you managed to make her trust you more and tell you more, still sort of testing you. Which I do not find pleasant, depends on you if you mind it or not. But anyway, you have to ask her to really know.
By the way, you don't mind her past experiences, especially with drugs? Even if more from her past emerges over time?

[miSSleepy]

You both decided to disclose too much too soon, which is probably why she lied. At that point, she may not have felt comfortable telling you the whole truth, afraid of what you'd think of her. Now she probably trusts you a bit more and has told you.

I wouldn't worry too much about it at the moment. Talk to her about why she lied and make your judgement based on her response. Whether she'll keep lying to you, I can't tell, and neither can you, any more than you would be able to if she didn't lie. Just take things as they come.

[sad_soul]

Thanks for the input folks

I did ask her why she lied to me, and she said, she was ashamed of her past, and she thought she would scare me. Thats completely understandable. But my question is.....if she could tell me a month ago about sleeping with two more guys, then why not tell me about the 1 extra guy she slept with at that time? why tell me about him now? I mean 2 guys or 3 guys, its the same thing. its not like 2 guys vs 10 guys. and I asked her this question as well, and she was completely blank. she was like "i don't know why i didn't tell u about him b4".......a month ago, when she told me about those two extra guys she slept with, I asked her several times if there was any more, and she said she was 100% sure there were no other person. and she told me she can guarantee me about that. and now a month later, she tells me there was 1 more. and now she tells me the same thing again, that she is 100% sure there is no more. But how do i believe her? she lied to me right on my face the last time, even after i asked her several times, how do i know she is not lying to me again? or possibly in future.

and yes, i do not have any problem what she did in the past, even with drugs, unless she starts doing them again. As long as she is clean now, I am ok with it. But now i cannot trust her. may be she is doing drugs as well or may be not. but after she lied to me right on my face, i cannot trust her now with anything

[miSSleepy]

I honestly don't know what kind of person she is, but I'm really not a fan of so much disclosure so early on... deeper you dig, the more shit that comes up. Who cares how many guys she slept with? If you had never asked, or if she had never told you, she wouldn't have lied.

[sad_soul]

I didnt ask first.....she started asking me about my past relationships and physical relationships.....so i asked her back

[HUNT3R]

It's not uncommon to lie about the number of sexual partners, especially early on in a relationship. Not taking this into account, do you think she is trustworthy?

[sad_soul]

I think she is, and thats why I trusted her a lot. But she broke my trust, and thats why i am so pissed. But anyways, I will go talk to her and sort things out. I'll give her another chance, but if in future she lies to me again, then its gonna be a good bye.

[HUNT3R]

Don't get too worked up by it though. I also hate lies, but the fact that she lied about those things means she obviously likes you a lot. She gave an understandable reason. You say she is a trustworthy person, so there's no reason to doubt her truthfulness as a whole. Let her know though that you don't like lies and take your time getting to know her. Be careful of too much, too soon.

[doppelgaenger]

Don't break up with her if she tells a lie, but break up with her if she turns out to be dishonest.

[sad_soul]

thanks guys! i appreciate your advices. I'll go talk to her tomorrow and sort things out.

[sad_soul]

ok.....so i talked to her tonight and figured out something really disgusting. The first time we had sex was on the 2nd weekend after we started dating.....I was out of town on the 3rd weekend, and she went out with one of her guy friends to a club on that weekend (she did tell me that she was going out with him) ....and later in the night the guy stayed over at her place and she let him give her oral and finger her...she is saying she did not have any sex with him cause the guy is bi-sexual and he is more interested towards guys......she tells me that she was drunk, and she was not sure at that time if i was being serious with her or if i was just playing around with her. so thats why she did it. but once we got serious, she didnt see any other guy......so what do i do in this f*cked up situation?

[IndiReloaded]

OMG. Are you joking? Dump her.

[sad_soul]

she says she was a bad person and didn't know the meaning of loyalty, honesty, modesty, etc, until she got to know someone as nice like me. Her father left her and her mom when she was 7, and since then all the guys she has known or been with were all assholes. and all of them cheated on her. She even got molested by her step father when she was a kid....she told that to her mom and her mom didn't believe her.....so from all these bad experiences and frustration, she just became a bad person as well......but now she found the true meaning of being a good person. and she says she is willing to change, and asking for a 2nd chance....and she is promising me that she will never do anything bad again in her life. She tells me that if she didnt care about me or willing to cheat on me again, then she wouldnt have even told me about all this. She is promising to be completely truthful and loyal to me from this point on.....what do i do now? Does this sound like a genuine promise? should i give her another chance?

[Zitron]

Frankly, I would back out as fast as possible. You two were intimate and a week after that she just plays with someone else... that is indigestible for me. Of course, in the end it is up to you to decide, but the fact that she had bad childhood experiences that formed her personality and habits does not excuse the misery that she would put YOU in. There are so many girls that will appreciate what you give/want from a relationship, look around and be happy, not perpetually sickened by this one.