What makes a man behave like this?

[Shattered]

I'm curious. A man I know (in his forties) has always been very critical of overweight women. However he is now dating a very overweight woman (he does not know that I know she is overweight).

Yet only this week he laughed and joked about an overweight colleague about her size (and she is not as big as his girlfriend). I tested the water and made some reference to me not being a "big fat blonde" (his girlfriend is also blonde). He still laughed as if that was not a good thing to be.

He says this relationship could be serious so how can he be so rude and critical about larger women yet date one? Where is the respect? What does he want from her? Can he really care about her?

[Junket]

Wait...huh?

You're not his girlfriend?

[boobaa]

If you are not his girlfriend, whats it up to you? Hypocricy is common thing.
Besides, men and women often see fat and fat differently. There could be hundred reasons.

[Shattered]

Just a friend. I am just curious as to why he would say one thing and do another. It just seems so low and unfair on her. I don't have a problem with her size. It is his attitude that puzzles me.

[Junket]

Don't fret over it is what I say.

Or better yet, why don't you ask him yourself?

[Shattered]

I would feel uncomfortable asking him on 2 counts. First what I know about his girlfriend's size when he does not realise I know this. Second - I can't really go up to him and say I think he is being really unfair and hypocritical so what does he really think about this woman.

That's why I am asking here just to get the viewpoint of others.

[Junket]

I would feel uncomfortable asking him on 2 counts. First what I know about his girlfriend's size when he does not realise I know this. Second - I can't really go up to him and say I think he is being really unfair and hypocritical so what does he really think about this woman.

That's why I am asking here just to get the viewpoint of others.

So you don't the real answer, you'd rather go 'round gossip and speculate?

Yeah, okay, makes perfect sense.

[Shattered]

So you don't the real answer, you'd rather go 'round gossip and speculate?

Yeah, okay, makes perfect sense.

I have not discussed this with anyone so not gossiping at all.

[Lipp]

Love is blind?

Depends on how you interpret the way he says it though, just chucking out "big fat blonde" doesn't mean much at all if it's in a cheerful manner, some take offense, others don't.

[Charlie Boy II]

Maybe he can't get a thin girl?

[Shattered]

He can get slim women - I have seen past girlfriends.

The comments he has made in the past about larger women have been very unpleasant and rude plus the way he laughed and joked the other day gave me the strong impression that he saw it as an insult to me when someone confused me with the overweight colleague.

[vashti]

I wonder why you feel motivated to care at all what a mean-spirited guy has to say in the first place? We aren't talking about a high school kid here, but rather a middle-aged man. Most grown ups have learned by this age to think before they speak. Why do you want to have a friend that is too dumb to know when to shut up?

[tooxshort]

or maybe he just likes fat jokes ... I've seen several overweight people make fun of other overweight people ... all in the spirit of fat jokes being funny.

[Shattered]

I wonder why you feel motivated to care at all what a mean-spirited guy has to say in the first place? We aren't talking about a high school kid here, but rather a middle-aged man. Most grown ups have learned by this age to think before they speak. Why do you want to have a friend that is too dumb to know when to shut up?

When he has made comments in the past I have tried telling him that he is unfair. I had hoped that he might have "grown up" on this when I found out about his new girlfriend but I don't think he has. I do find his attitude even more unpleasant now because it makes me question his sincerity regarding his girlfriend (and others). I came on here just to see whether others agreed with me and whether I was been over sensitive to his behaviour. To give him the benefit of the doubt. But I don't think I can and this will make me far more wary of him.

[Johnny Quest]

If he makes fun of over weight women he sounds like a douche...