Feeling self-conscious

[ransom_nite]

Hmm well here it goes,
Lately i have been feeling really self conscious about my body, (some background information) i was a super skinny runt who got bullied all through my schooling years and my parents said enough was enough so they took me to boxing classes and i started doing weights. I got obsessed and started body building, started out at 97 pounds and I'm now 170. Lately i had reached a major platuea, so I started cycling creatine and taking in shitloads more calories to get past it and successfully did.

Problem is i have become really self conscious of my body, when in fact i should be fairly proud. I can't even take my shirt off at the beach because i feel embarrased for some reason? A few of my mates have been calling me fat as well so i dunno if that has something to do with it. My girlfriend thinks im insane but i feel as though if i don't like my body and think it's good enough for her she will be disappointed and ahh i don't know why im feeling like this!?

[vashti]

Maybe you are spending too much time focused on your body? I mean, it's one thing to be healthy, and quite another to be obsessed. Honestly, it is also a little boring. Maybe you should spend a little time doing something more meaningful. Ever tried doing some sort of volunteer work?

[ransom_nite]

Yeahh that's true. I volunteer at local sporting events when they are in season but haven't done much other than that. What do you suggest?

[ecojeanne]

yeh i think you have become obsessed, it happens, especially if you have reached your limit. i reckon definitely listen to your gf

[Mish]

I can't even take my shirt off at the beach because i feel embarrased for some reason? A few of my mates have been calling me fat as well so i dunno if that has something to do with it. My girlfriend thinks im insane but i feel as though if i don't like my body and think it's good enough for her she will be disappointed and ahh i don't know why im feeling like this!?

Most likely because you were bullied in the past and kept some of the painful memories and baggage with you. Your body has changed now and even though physically you have little reason to feel embarassed the fact that you held on to something from your past in your mind makes all your physical improvements pretty much irrelevant.

If that's true then the answer is in your head. You need to defeat those painful memories and let go off all the emotional pain you've encountered. How you choose to do that will be entirely up to you.

[doppelgaenger]

I'd say you are focusing too much on your body as well. I had an ex who turned out in a similar way, but in a much worse condition (she wouldn't even accept my compliments)

Admire your success, and continue to focus on your goals. Maybe since you have come this far, you should make new goals for yourself.

[vashti]

Yeahh that's true. I volunteer at local sporting events when they are in season but haven't done much other than that. What do you suggest?

Do you have Habitat for Humanity where you live? They could use strong young guys to help build houses for the poor.

You might also think about coaching sports for disadvantaged youth or for the developmentally delayed.

These are nice things for physically active young guys to do.

[1averagejoe]

Most likely because you were bullied in the past and kept some of the painful memories and baggage with you.

If that's true then the answer is in your head. You need to defeat those painful memories and let go off all the emotional pain you've encountered. How you choose to do that will be entirely up to you.

I agree completely. I'm not going to lie, in my last relationship I broke down because I felt like I was weak, skinny, a dork, and not good enough. I even felt fat because someone pointed out my small love handle! I was 136lbs at 5'9".

This is definitely you being obsessed with your body and a combination of you not outgrowing being bullied as a kid. I was in your shoes not long ago. You'll reach a point where it really doesn't matter to you. That your health is important, but being a little overweight, a little skinny, or a little misshapen isn't that big of a deal.

This is all in your head, your friends telling you that you're fat are just choking your chain and teasing you. You need to get it out of your head that you're fat or not good enough. If that's your picture in the gallery, you're the complete opposite.

Btw I tried creatine when I attempted to gain weight...I hated the crap. Gave me cramps, made me a thirsty son of a bitch (drank about gallon and a half a day), made me piss like a ****ing race horse(about every 30 minutes), and gave me headaches. Although the stuff did wonders for getting in a couple more reps.

[Lipp]

Err, well, are you primarily bulked up in order to look good or the physical prowess of it?

If you would focus on the physical aspect it would be easier to be proud when you have solid results (though, of course, there's only so much that you can do for it as well) while the looks might never be quite enough, especially if you compare yourself to some ideal appearance.

[ransom_nite]

Thanks for all your advice guys. I think your correct when your saying i still haven't outgrown the effects from being bullied and i know myself im obsessed with my body, so like Vashti said i should try doing some volunteer work to get my mind off things for a while and be happy at my progress so far and take doppel's advice and set some new goals

As for 1AJ, yeahh that's my pic in the gallery haha, from my sisters wedding, but yeahh i know, i'll try to find a point at which i'm happy with it and just keep on being healthy/active and what not, will be hard though im not gonna lie. As for creatine haha i love the shit, besides getting the runs for a week it's helped me so much in the past month, not only in strength but recovery and yeahh you piss like a freakin' fountain haha.

But thanks guys, i appreciate your help and honesty. Just thought i'd get it off my chest. *big hug*

[1averagejoe]

Like seriously...you look like you could be one of those abercrombie and fitch faggot models...you're good looking.

Really when you're in a relationship with someone if they're with you they usually aren't too worried with the physical aspect of you anymore, only a little bit. They know what you look like, you've been together for a while. What they're more worried about is your confidence and who you are. Lack of confidence is a major turn off for everyone.