Self conscious about stretch marks. Help.

[veruca67]

I am a very attractive 41 year old, young-looking, in-shape woman. I have been in one long-term relationship for 10 years and one for about 6 months. I was single up until about 3 weeks ago. I met this incredibly attractive man who is my age and we are starting to really like each other. HOWEVER, I have some serious body self-esteem issues that seem to carry themselves from relationship to relationship, but with this guy, they are enhanced because he is so attractive and think he would not accept my issue. Okay, here is the issue. For some reason (and I have no children) I have some stretch marks on my breasts that I have not been able to successfully remove. I am so embarrassed about them and hide them at every opportunity. Sex in the dark is fine, but no lights please. I am afraid someone would become horrified and reject me. They are not super bad, but they do exist. He says he always dates attractive women and these are certainly not attractive. Him saying this makes me even more self-conscious, as you can imagine.

Okay, now every woman is going to say, "If he is going to reject you for that, then he is an jerk." Well, is that true? I want to get a guys point of view on this. Would you reject a woman for this? Would you be less attracted to her?

Thanks.

[doppelgaenger]

Yes, if he rejected you for that, he is a jerk. Everybody gets stretchmarks, even guys.

[veruca67]

Yes, if he rejected you for that, he is a jerk. Everybody gets stretchmarks, even guys.

But men don't get them in very visible areas. Mine are on my breasts, the one part of a woman that is supposed to be perfect and viewed sexually. Right?

[NBT]

Are you normally totally nude when engaging in sexual activity, or do you like to keep a shirt or bra on, in an effort to cover your breasts?

If you're worried that his feelings (or sexual interest in you) will change after seeing the stretch marks, try to hide them as long as possible. The stronger he feels for you, the less he will care about your physical flaws. Keep up with the fun times, the good conversation, to establish a deeper connection.

Then, if intimacy occurs, try & keep the room dim/dark. Try and keep him away from your chest area by distracting him with other things when he heads in that direction (go down on him, kiss him, suck on the neck, etc.)

That way, by the time he finally sees your breasts, you will have come so far, they won't be a huge issue.

[veruca67]

Are you normally totally nude when engaging in sexual activity, or do you like to keep a shirt or bra on, in an effort to cover your breasts?

If you're worried that his feelings (or sexual interest in you) will change after seeing the stretch marks, try to hide them as long as possible. The stronger he feels for you, the less he will care about your physical flaws. Keep up with the fun times, the good conversation, to establish a deeper connection.

Then, if intimacy occurs, try & keep the room dim/dark. Try and keep him away from your chest area by distracting him with other things when he heads in that direction (go down on him, kiss him, suck on the neck, etc.)

That way, by the time he finally sees your breasts, you will have come so far, they won't be a huge issue.

We have been intimate and I have become an expert in hiding my breasts. In the dark, it cannot be seen, but I hate that I have to do that, but you are right, if he had deeper feelings for me, it would not matter. I do fear his feelings for me sexually would decrease. The thought of that is scary. I am looking into laser options, but it might not be that successful. I just hate this whole thing. I would never reject anyone for that or for any defect, but I guess that is what makes men & women different. We accept, men reject. I am not saying ALL women are accepting and ALL men reject, but overall, I would say this is true. Thanks!

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

He's not only a jerk for leaving you but he's also a retard.

Seriously, does it make any sense to leave someone for stretchmarks? Wtf will he do when his ass gets old and starts getting wrinkles? My God he'd probably kill himself.

[veruca67]

He's not only a jerk for leaving you but he's also a retard.

Seriously, does it make any sense to leave someone for stretchmarks? Wtf will he do when his ass gets old and starts getting wrinkles? My God he'd probably kill himself.

He does not seem shallow, but who knows. My ex did not mind at all and used to say, "Would I really leave the woman I love for some ****ing stretch marks?" So, that made me feel better. But, this new guy is so good-looking, but far from perfect. He has his own issues, believe me, but men never care about their own issues, it seems only women get so self-conscious with how the medial portrays them.

He is always wanting to turn the lights on or take a shower and I just don't feel comfortable with that. In fact, I would be horrified, which sounds stupid, but I would.

Yes, if a guy left someone for that, it would be stupid. It's not like I can control it. But, I know guys can be ultra shallow and I think I need to looking like a f-ing supermodel or porn-star.

He says, "you are beautiful and your body is great," but he has not seen me with the lights on. Not sure what he would say or do.

I feel like just coming out and telling him. Is that a good idea?

[cewzp4]

IMO it shouldn't matter. Everyone has body issues. I'm sure that your guy has some dimple or mole that he is very embarrassed about and you don't even know it exists. I'm sure that he will just be excited to see your breasts. He probably won't even notice the stretch marks. And if he has never seen stretch marks on a pair before, than he's probably never actually seen boobs. Its very common.

[Jazzie133]

I feel your pain I also Have Stretch marks on by breasts why I don’t know like you I have no children. I understand that’s its hard and it affects your self esteem. But I have never had a negative response to them, and I would never consider hiding them from the person I am with. I say if they can’t accept me for who I am and what I look like then they don’t deserve me. I understand where u are coming from but I don’t think you should ever have to feel bad about them.

[starbuck]

Veruca, you're magnifying this one thing that you perceive as a flaw. You're not just a pair of boobs. When the two of you sleep together there are probably so many other things he's focusing on than your stretchmarks. Wouldn't you rather just have fun in bed and not think about it? It's your perception of them, not his, that is making you unhappy.

People are conditioned to think of stretchmarks as unsexy so that companies can sell creams. There's inherently nothing wrong with them. Like a mole or a scar, they're a part of you.

Honestly, there are things about my body I'd like to hide or work on, but I also feel like if I don't learn to accept these so-called flaws, what's going to happen in twenty years when EVERYTHING sags? I'd rather work on loving myself the way I am, rather than letting those insecurities simmer.

[Charlie Boy II]

I would be much, much more annoyed by a girlfriend who insisted on turning the lights off and refused to take a shower with me than I would by some stretchmarks on your breasts. If you're in as good a shape as you say you are, he's hardly going to complain.

Also women's breasts often look a bit funny - funny shapes or funny niples. It's not a big deal.

[veruca67]

I would be much, much more annoyed by a girlfriend who insisted on turning the lights off and refused to take a shower with me than I would by some stretchmarks on your breasts. If you're in as good a shape as you say you are, he's hardly going to complain.

Also women's breasts often look a bit funny - funny shapes or funny niples. It's not a big deal.

The advice I have gotten thus far is incredible, from both women & men. It has really caused me to re-think my whole stance on this issue, whether it is with him or someone else. I think the media (as represented on the ads on this page) forces us to believe they are awful and disgusting and we should therefore eliminate them at all costs. It is hard for a woman to deal with that. Thanks for all of the advice.

[Charlie Boy II]

Are you normally totally nude when engaging in sexual activity, or do you like to keep a shirt or bra on, in an effort to cover your breasts?

If you're worried that his feelings (or sexual interest in you) will change after seeing the stretch marks, try to hide them as long as possible. The stronger he feels for you, the less he will care about your physical flaws. Keep up with the fun times, the good conversation, to establish a deeper connection.

Then, if intimacy occurs, try & keep the room dim/dark. Try and keep him away from your chest area by distracting him with other things when he heads in that direction (go down on him, kiss him, suck on the neck, etc.)

That way, by the time he finally sees your breasts, you will have come so far, they won't be a huge issue.

truly shitty advice.

[Lite]

Now, this might just be me, but I find some stretch marks a bit sexy. It means the woman has experienced life, because life causes them. Hell, I have some, and I'm not fat and never have been.

[Cbrider]

He says he always dates attractive women and these are certainly not attractive. Him saying this makes me even more self-conscious, as you can imagine.

He sounds kind of arrogant to me already, who they hell says that. If its a compliment its double edged big time.

I would be much, much more annoyed by a girlfriend who insisted on turning the lights off and refused to take a shower with me

Lol, I'm with Charlie on this one. If you scrambled for the lights every time I went for your pants, I would be slightly annoyed to say the least.