I miss her so much and yet shes with someone else

[Underneath]

Hello,

So Im sure you've seen these threads before and most likely think im a fool by the end of this thread however I prolly should just be honest with you and i hope I get your honest opinion too. Im 20 yrs old (21 in 16 days) and I just got out of a relationship, we seen eachother for 3 months and dated for a month and half, I know what your thinking "That short and you miss her?, get over it" yes yes however Ive been in a lot of relationships and my longest were 3 yrs but I have NEVER felt so bad and torn inside since I met her. She did things that I could never imagine and yet I screwed it up so here it is...

My ex broke up with me last Tuesday because she was unhappy with the relationship, she blamed herself for the relationship failing and that she was having "doubts" (she cried). I gave her the opition to breakup with me if she wasnt happy. however after giving it two days (friday) I called her on and I told her what I feel why she broke up with me and she agreed to me that she broke up with me because I kept being negitive and that she tried really hard to make me happy but at the end she didn't feel happy and felt she never made me happy. Now the problems I was facing was losing my job and Money problems, of course everytime I talked to her I kept bring it up and it always made her down. Did I learn something about this? of course I did and in a relationship you have to give and take and well all I did was mostly take, she did a lot for me like drive down from her house to my place almost everyweekend to see me (2 hr drive Ill tell you). I didn't show my appreation and now i regret it. I miss her like crazy and felt horrible ever since the break up and want her back deeply.

When I talked to her on Friday, I told her Im not asking her to come back because my actions speak louder then my words, however I asked her to come over after work on saturday and we'll talk and hang out, she agreed and that was that. On Saturday, I got a job and asked me to come in from 2-11pm but I knew my ex was coming down so I told them if its okay if I can get off early because of short-notice and they agreed. So as 5:00 comes, I knew she was off work and she didn't call, I waited 20 mins and called her she said "Hey, I dont think ill be able to come today cause I felt sick all day and all i want to do now is just sleep, im sorry and ill call you later". I said it was okay and offered to come up Sunday but she said she works 3 to closed (which was true) and that she goes back to college on monday. So with no attempts to re-schedule and she never called me back later, I found myself the next day (this sunday) calling her and leaving her a voicemail message right before she went to work saying I hope she felt better and to call me when she gets in.

So as I look at her facebook and myspace (and no im not a stalker) I see this guy with her in his default on his facebook, he comments on there saying that her and her friend should of stayed at the party that she attended last weekend (we were going out at the time). So well it looks like they have been talking, He asked her sunday if she fell asleep saturday night when they were texting and she said yes and that she doesnt want to go to work but she is going to try to take next weekend off. He says "Yeah hopefully your off Saturday and sunday".

So as I felt this guy was making quite a Move I did the unexpectly and I knew she didn't want to see me and was having feelings for this other dude I mean think about it. So on Monday I drove up 2 hrs and surprised her, I wanted to see if its too late, I took her out for Lunch and caught her lying to me about the reason why she didn't come and see me that saturday when she said she would and was "sick". So I felt pretty dumb on that.

So we talked, I told her how much I was wrong and that I wish I could hit the reset button. I told her I promise her happiness and many things to come but my actions will show and it will backup my words. She sat there as she felt really guilty and said to me "Brendan, Im moving to Florida in the summer and I dunno what I want right now, but you dont give me the butterflies that you gave me when we first met and it was a real test for you coming over cause I didn't feel no excitment and im sorry, The reason why I didn't come over is because I realize i dont have those feelings and I felt bad thats why I said yes and I also didn't know". So as I sat there listening to this, I wanted answers and well I knew she was giving me excuses on "I dunno what I want" and florida cause obviously she's interested in someone else so I asked her If it was because of him (that guy who posts comments on her facebook and myspace), She said no because she met him over the weekend we were going out, she was attractive to him and took a picture with him but still had feelings for me and would never cheat. I asked her if he gives her butterflies and she said "Yes".

It was soo hard to swallow and well yes the truth hurts but I wanted to know. I didn't like the fact she lied to me however she did it so I wouldn't get hurt but its a lot worse then that. So as she has feelings for this other guy now, he makes her happy and she keeps expressing on her myspace that "The Beauty is happiness" and well she does deserve to be happy after what I did but I soo want to get that chance back and yes I know you have to move on but I dont want to let go and I never believed in being friends with EXs nor did I believe second chances with exs until her.

So heres my question, When do you offer her a friendship? or Should I forget it? I know I should give her space and stuff, I mean hell I shouldn't even talk to her for atleast a good month but I wanna so bad give her those butterflies and take it slow, I believe it can happen cause ive seen others with the benefit of moving on and doing your own thing. Please be mature about it cause I really want to know.

Thank you.

[IndiReloaded]

In a nutshell, I'd forget about her. She's moved on and there is no point to a friendship. She lied to you instead of just being honest with you about not wanting to see you anymore, though it sounds like she eventually came clean about a breakup.

It doesn't sound like the reason for your breakup is this other guy. You were having problems already. This other fellow is just a rebound for her.

You are right about too much negativity killing your relationship. I'm not saying you couldn't be honest about your feelings about your job situation, etc, but one does need to avoid becoming too caught up in one's problems. Its simply no fun & ppl your age aren't really interested in becoming too bogged down in the heavy things in life.

Try to remember the 5:1 rule--5 positives to each negative. Better luck next time & congrats on your new job.

[Underneath]

In a nutshell, I'd forget about her. She's moved on and there is no point to a friendship. She lied to you instead of just being honest with you about not wanting to see you anymore, though it sounds like she eventually came clean about a breakup.

It doesn't sound like the reason for your breakup is this other guy. You were having problems already. This other fellow is just a rebound for her.

You are right about too much negativity killing your relationship. I'm not saying you couldn't be honest about your feelings about your job situation, etc, but one does need to avoid becoming too caught up in one's problems. Its simply no fun & ppl your age aren't really interested in becoming too bogged down in the heavy things in life.

Try to remember the 5:1 rule--5 positives to each negative. Better luck next time & congrats on your new job.

I appreate your response, yeah it does bother me she lied however she tells me its hard for her to tell people how she feels and shes learning. She fears of getting hurt and hurting others but I mean not looking to be friends with her now, I think thats obsolutly too soon. Your right about the rebound I mean the guy is 6 Hours away from her! lol, I know they talk everyday but rarely see eachother but its none of my business.

I learned my lesson for sure, ill take that and force myself to move on. Its quite odd my feelings towards this change all day, one minute i accept the breakup and of what happened to One minute Im bitter and upset about it.

You know maybe one day we'll be friends and maybe one day she'll fix her communcation problems but I guess ill stay clear as much as it tears holes in me thinking about it.

[IndiReloaded]

I appreate your response, yeah it does bother me she lied however she tells me its hard for her to tell people how she feels and shes learning.

Its an age thing. Conflict such as breakups are very uncomfortable for ppl and it takes experience and some maturity to realize that being upfront is actually the cleanest way to handle things. Some ppl never learn this, btw, and do silly things like breakups by text, etc.

Anyway, you seem to know what to do. Keep busy. Work hard, go out, have some fun. You'll be feeling better soon.

[Underneath]

Its an age thing. Conflict such as breakups are very uncomfortable for ppl and it takes experience and some maturity to realize that being upfront is actually the cleanest way to handle things. Some ppl never learn this, btw, and do silly things like breakups by text, etc.

Anyway, you seem to know what to do. Keep busy. Work hard, go out, have some fun. You'll be feeling better soon.

Well she is 18 years old and she did admit that she is Immature and still has lots to learn. I guess giving her time and space will help her become more mature and realize rebounds are not your answer in trying to be happy and maybe one day we'll be friends.

Thank you again, I do very greatly appreate it.

[IndiReloaded]

No worries. You're doing just fine.