am i acting like a singel girl friend?

[otasa]

ladies, so this is my question that i want my girlfriend to ask herself, "am i acting like a single girlfriend?".

i am thinking about popping her the question, but there are some certain considerations in my mind that makes me wonder what it means to be in a serious relationship.

i think she still lacks consideration in making a parter in a serious relationship feel comfortable. think about this situation if i was doing this to her.

A. she has a tendancy to always come home later than when she plans. (however she always calls) But this keeps me waiting up very late all the time and i end up going to bed without getting a chance to talk to her. (when i say always, its usualy 50% of the thime, however i consider this ratio to be more than suitable under this circumstance to refer as "always")

B. when she goes out with her friends from work(which I barely know) she takes alot of pictures. these picture contain features that i will refer to being too sexy. her and her girls are acting like they are kissing, liftinng eachothers shirts, slapping eachothers butt, grasping and wrapping eachothers legs around eachother, looking into the camera in a extremely seducing manner and so on. this is not an issue if i am present or if she is with people i know well, however the people that were taking these pictures were 5 random guys that i have no idea who they are, and i can say men are pigs. (plus her friends are known as party girls, which makes me feel a little uncomfortable)

C. we have discussed about marriage, and she expects me to pop the question soon, but i do not feel as though she is putting enough consideration into our relationship as much as i do. i personally refrain from doing anything that may make her feel uncomfortable. i do not go out with friends that like to pick up girls at the bar, i do not stay out past midnight even on the weekends, i introduce her to all my friends even before considering going out with them alone, etc. i also put a lot of effort into planning our future. i have done many research as far as how i can support her and how marriage will legally affect us. she does not seem to do be doing that, on the other hand whenever i mention this to her, she claims that it seems like she is never trying hard enough for me.

am i being too harsh? am i overreacting? please let me know if i should address some of these issues with her or not. i am not worried about her cheating on me and i really want to do anything that i can in order to make our relationship work.

[Cbrider]

She's immature from what I gather, she honestly sounds like she doesn't have her feet on the ground. How old is she?

You have a right to expect certain things from a person that wants to be in a relationship with you. Women can be habitually late, but if they care about you they tend to try and be on time and prompt.

The pictures thing is a little strange, thats not normal behavior for a girl that claims to like/love you. To me that is a huge red flag, but then again I may be bias about that, wait for another persons take on that.

DO NOT pop the question unless she gets her ducks in a row and you two meet on even ground. It WONT work if you are putting in all this effort and she isn't. Sure you can get married, but I guarantee you will be unhappy and its completely unfair to you.

If you are worried that she may cheat on you, you seriously need to step back and maybe call this thing quits. Its harsh, but if you have that much doubt about this girl she has given you a reason to be suspicious. You seem to be a legitimate guy who is not overbearing and controlling, her behavior and conduct is in serious question here.

If you talk to her about this and she gets defensive or tries to argue that theres nothing wrong with it, grab your shit and walk out. You deserve better.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

She's a party girl herself. Yes she is acting like a single girlfriend. The pictures is what got to me. Sounds like single behavior to me.

I dont think it's time to pop the question. This girl has to mature and be serious too. You arent going to want to be the only one being serious, right? You both need to talk about this. Talk about taking it to the next level and let her know she needs to take the relationship more seriously. She doesnt seem ready to settle down at all, and if thats the case and you are surely ready, then I would personally suggest finding a more serious woman.

But I should ask, how old are you both anyway? Cuz depending on your ages that just may change my whole outlook on this situation.

[otasa]

i am 24 and she is 23. ive never been worried about her cheating on me, but i guess might be unconcious.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

Well I guess she's not ready to let go some of her party life ways. Have you ever informed her that her behavior does not show her as a respectable girlfriend? I mean thats my opinion, but if she has a boyfriend I dont think that kind of behavior should be accepted. Either she needs to grow up and out of it or its time to go. There's nothing wrong with an occasional party here and there, but I'm guessing she's a regular party goer and I think that is a bad idea in a relationship. Keep in mind, this is just my opinion, so you may not feel exactly as I do, but you should let her know that the way she parties is unacceptable.

[carl1222]

She's a party girl herself. Yes she is acting like a single girlfriend. The pictures is what got to me. Sounds like single behavior to me.

I dont think it's time to pop the question. This girl has to mature and be serious too. You arent going to want to be the only one being serious, right? You both need to talk about this. Talk about taking it to the next level and let her know she needs to take the relationship more seriously. She doesnt seem ready to settle down at all, and if thats the case and you are surely ready, then I would personally suggest finding a more serious woman.

But I should ask, how old are you both anyway? Cuz depending on your ages that just may change my whole outlook on this situation.

Excellent analysis and advice, Nisha. They are not only not on the same page, but not even in the same chapter. Party hardy!!!

I'm guessing she's in her early 20s, right?

Carl.

[carl1222]

Well I guess she's not ready to let go some of her party life ways. Have you ever informed her that her behavior does not show her as a respectable girlfriend? I mean thats my opinion, but if she has a boyfriend I dont think that kind of behavior should be accepted. Either she needs to grow up and out of it or its time to go. There's nothing wrong with an occasional party here and there, but I'm guessing she's a regular party goer and I think that is a bad idea in a relationship. Keep in mind, this is just my opinion, so you may not feel exactly as I do, but you should let her know that the way she parties is unacceptable.

Also remind her that college is over and life is not frat party. Her behavior does not have the look or smell of cheating ... cheating is usually more secretive. But it's time for her to choose between party girl and girlfriend. She can't do both ... relationships are happy work but work nonetheless.

Carl.

[otasa]

well, thank you all for your advice. it is very helpful. however, i really do not consider the option of leaving her even applicable. i want to work things out and you guys have been great help. is there any special way i can maybe approach this subject without having her wanting to choke me? again, she is 23.