Friends?

[Cain]

So, I got into a discussion with a female friend of mine. Imagine this scenario:

Person A and Person B like each other. One day, Person A decides that they only want to be friends with Person B and nothing more. Person B has feelings for Person A and says that they can't be just friends because they will always be wanting more and it will hurt.

My female friend said that it would be selfish of Person B to do that because Person A can't help that they only want to be friends.

I tried to explain it and even got her to think about the time that she had a male friend she had a crush on that only wanted to be friends and how much it hurt when he would date other girls, etc...

It was a little surprising to hear that it would be selfish. I've always thought that if one person liked someone too much, it would be too hard for that person to be their friend. How does everyone else feel?

[TheGreek]

It's not selfish. You can't control attraction. It's why women get in relationships with bad guys that they know they shouldn't. They're attracted.

[Cain]

It's not selfish. You can't control attraction. It's why women get in relationships with bad guys that they know they shouldn't. They're attracted.

Likewise, she feels that the person can't control whether they just want to be friends or not and just because they only want to be friends doesn't mean they should be penalized. So, you should suck it up and stay friends.

[TheGreek]

Likewise, she feels that the person can't control whether they just want to be friends or not and just because they only want to be friends doesn't mean they should be penalized. So, you should suck it up and stay friends.

I guess so. I mean, sooner or later, they're going to have to realize that maybe there could be more than just friends. How long it takes, that's up to the "friend" party.

[LadieNisha4u2nv]

It's selfish in the sense of it being about just your feelings. You wanna cut contact cuz YOU dont feel right.

BUT, at the same time, its a fair time to be selfish instead of put yourself through misery in this pretend friendship when you know you want so much more and this person is comfortable being that way. So in order for you to get over that person you'd most likely have to cut the contact altogether til you are really over them, then MAYBE the friendship thing can come into play. But if you have feelings for someone, it is super hard to be just friends with them, if possible at all.

[Mish]

I think it's selfish of Person A wanting to be friends with someone who has a crush on them, they should let B go if they are not interested.

[bluesummer]

I agree with Mish.

I've cut contact with male 'friends' who were interested in me, because I knew I'd never feel the same and it would always be awkward. I thought it was more considerate to do that.

[starbuck]

It's not selfish of B, since A and B were never on equal footing as friends to begin with. The best friendships are spawned when two people like-minded people enjoy each other's company and respect one another in a platonic way. If one person had different expectations, then it's not really simpactico.

I agree with Mish as well, that it would be more selfish for Person A to expect a friendship out of it. Sure Person A can't help the non-attraction, but thems the breaks.