Falling in Hate (instead of love)

[GemStar]

I was once on a path to marriage but I think I might have fallen in hate with this woman. We are so different, it is like perhaps that we are the most opposite people I have ever heard of. She hates everything I like; I hate everything she likes. She would rather sit around doing nothing; I stay active all the time. She drinks and smokes; I hate both habits. Our moral and religious beliefs are completely different. We disagree strongly on social issues. Our personalities are completely different. Our ideas of what a good relationship is are completely different. I could go on and on about how completely opposite we are.

Let me ask this... How did I ever get mixed up with this person? What cruel God and black, misaligned stars allowed this to happen? It's unbelievable! I feel I just wasted basically 3 years of my life for nothing! I didn't learn ANYTHING. In fact, I like myself a lot less and have lost a lot of self-esteem because she's such a weak crybaby!

I have no idea how I didn't see a trainwreck coming sooner. I'm a pretty perceptive guy, especially about people. Must have been just a freak occurrence where I took leave of my senses. I sure wish I could have the 3 years back because I think time is more precious than any amount of money.

What do you all think? What in the heck happened? This was a HORRIBLE experience, one of the worst of my life, if not the worst, because it's been the most prolonged bad experience of my life. I hope eventually I can recover my self-confidence after being with this sad person. So I can feel like this here king smiley-->

P.S. You should have realized this by now but it could be foreseen that I will not now be marrying this person. But I will, however, be stuck unloading the baggage.

[corinthian]

Well, when did you first realise all this? I guess you didn't just lie awake in bed all last night drawing all these conclusions.

I suppose it's pretty easy to fall for someone almost regardless of what they are actually like and then it can take a while for disillusionment to set in. Were you heavily infatuated to begin with? Infatuation can last a good eighteen months or two years in my experience, so taking one further year to really give up on it does not seem that unusual.

Sorry this happened to you.

[Gigabitch]

What do you all think? What in the heck happened? This was a HORRIBLE experience, one of the worst of my life, if not the worst, because it's been the most prolonged bad experience of my life.

Whose fault is that? Did she start drinking and smoking this morning, or did you gradually come to hate her? Who changed, here?

I didn't learn ANYTHING.

I hope that's not true.

[Soul215]

you did say marriage right?

I am only asking because it seems to me there was something of a mere attraction worth asking for her hand in marriage. Back track on most of your relationships and check for yourself if youre the type that just almost jump into anything because you love the thrill of the adrenaline rush. finally woke up one day when the energy was gone and said to yourself "damn! what have i done?!"

there has to be a perfectly good explaination for the love and hate thing. from my own experience, being my partner good or bad... i usually just dont fall OUT of love that easily. considering already spending nearly 3 years together. There HAS to be a reason why.

You also said shes been the way she is so im guessing she hasnt change. Shes always been the same bad habit person you walk down that aisle with.

unfortunately, asking a bunch of strangers will just give you more questions to answer. you should think about it. maybe its not her... maybe it had always been you?

[GemStar]

Well, when did you first realise all this? I guess you didn't just lie awake in bed all last night drawing all these conclusions.

I suppose it's pretty easy to fall for someone almost regardless of what they are actually like and then it can take a while for disillusionment to set in. Were you heavily infatuated to begin with? Infatuation can last a good eighteen months or two years in my experience, so taking one further year to really give up on it does not seem that unusual.

Sorry this happened to you.

Well thanks, first of all, for responding. I first began to realize this probably at least a year ago. I guess it's taking me a long time to move on because I feel bad or guilty that I ruined it and I wonder "what might have been." It feels so good to get this out. I feel better already.

I don't know that I get "infatuated" with people very easily anymore. But maybe I was. I had just left a job I really was attached to and she had been divorced recently so maybe we both felt "lost" and that's why I temporarily did not have good judgment. It seemed like a good idea at the time! Heh...

When I think back... I'm not sure that I was ever really sold on the whole thing 100%. I think maybe that she was and I wasn't. I think I got unintentionally brainwashed into thinking it was more important than it really was. I guess another thing making it hard for me to move on is I can't stand to think about making her sad. That's really what has kept me for so long. I just don't want to hurt her. But oh well. Cookies crumble.

Thanks again for the input and all!

[GemStar]

Whose fault is that/ Did she start drinking and smoking this morning, or did you gradually come to hate her? Who changed, here?

Well I've never been too keen on the whole drinking and smoking thing really, even though we were both sort of drowning our miseries when we met. For me, drinking and smoking are present in my life when I'm at my worst. I told her at least three times very seriously that I was concerned with how much I was drinking and planned to quit. She laughed and would crack jokes about it when I saw this as a very serious health matter. I have no idea how much she drinks when I'm not around and sometimes suspected that she had a problem herself that she has hidden. But I have no evidence to support this.

In reference to that I "learned nothing"--->>

I hope that's not true.

Well, after I wrote that, I thought about it. I did learn a few things I guess but I would gladly give it all back to never have ever met her at all. I would pay a $10,000 fine to a frog and do 1,000 hours of community service shoveling manure if someone offered me a time machine to never have met her. I am literally serious about this. I really am disdainful about the whole thing but am glad that it's almost over.

Thanks for the response!

[GemStar]

you did say marriage right?

I am only asking because it seems to me there was something of a mere attraction worth asking for her hand in marriage. Back track on most of your relationships and check for yourself if youre the type that just almost jump into anything because you love the thrill of the adrenaline rush. finally woke up one day when the energy was gone and said to yourself "damn! what have i done?!"

No, I am certainly not that type of person. I am very careful and cautious about who I date. I only look for people whom with I could have a serious chance. There was never an official proposal, BTW, but a mutual agreement that we would someday get married.

there has to be a perfectly good explaination for the love and hate thing. from my own experience, being my partner good or bad... i usually just dont fall OUT of love that easily. considering already spending nearly 3 years together. There HAS to be a reason why.

Well the reason I hate her is because she wasted 3 perfectly otherwise useful years of my life. And probably took a few off too! We haven't spent a lot of time together lately and when we do, it's pretty awkward.

You also said shes been the way she is so im guessing she hasnt change. Shes always been the same bad habit person you walk down that aisle with.

She's very stubborn and controlling which is probably why I feel guilty at all. I really dislike people like that. She has very little desire to change her life to suit mine at all. I would say she's pretty selfish towards me but not other people. I think this is because she thinks guys are "pushovers" and that she can do whatever she wants. I think she has a hard time believing that she could be dumped and contrary to what she would have people believe, I think she is an egotist and an elitist.

unfortunately, asking a bunch of strangers will just give you more questions to answer. you should think about it. maybe its not her... maybe it had always been you?

I'm not really asking at this point... I mean, I was asking "How could this have happened," but I am more or less just wanting to get it off my chest and having you guys and gals talk about it is making me feel a lot better. I know I have to move on. I feel sick every time I'm around her, like I'm going to die. And once we're apart, I feel a lot better and like I can be happy in life again.

Thanks to you also for talking with me!

[doppelgaenger]

You're a ****ing moron. It took you 3 years to figure that out?

Hahahahaha. Usually, that is something people figure out by the third date.