Boys/Guys/Lads...need your advice.

[tiredtriel]

I have made the biggest mistake.

When i was in a relationship with my ex...i was unsure of him, he was very much into commitment and to be honest, that scared me very much.

During our relationship, whenever we fought over the smallest matter, more often than not, I'd try to win in the situation by using 'let's break up'...

That is my greatest mistake ever, taking him for granted and now, after tolerating my shit for a year and a half, he has asked for a break up and left.

I didn't know what i had until i lost it, and now i just wanna get him back with me, to show him i really love him, and i'm willing to commit to being with him.

I begged for a chance for a whole week after we broke up, he said, "who knows, maybe after my exams.."

So i waited, i still texted him and wished him good luck in his exams, after he finished with exams, i waited a week, and asked him if i could have another chance, this is almost two months since we broke up.

He told me that he just wanted to be friends, and that he doesn't want to be dumped again, and that he's emotionally drained.

We were together for a year and a half, my first relationship, his 5th.

I must add that before we broke up, he had been close with a girl friend of his from college for 3 months, meaning calls for more than an hour during midnight.

After we broke up, needless to say, they got closer.
So as a friend, i asked him how were things between him and that girl, he said they were close, and that the girl might be a potential future girlfriend, but for now the limit was best friends.

And, during the time when we broke up, we met once and he kissed me, not a chum kiss, but only the kind shared between a couple.

I don't know exactly what to do, am i reading signs that we have a chance again? or is it over?

What can i do to get you back, if you were my boyfriend?

Please advice me.

[whaywardj]

Uh...I'd probably let this one come back to ME. I certainly wouldn't be asking for any more second chances and sucking up his romantic kisses without benefit of a clear message as to what he actually means by tossing them out there. Just matter-of-factly tell him you feel as if you made a mistake, would be interested in trying again sometime after the emotional smoke has cleared a little, then go on about your business without him, inviting him to keep in touch. REALLY go on about your business without him; don't just pretend as if you are. Drop a light-hearted line or a call now and then to say hi, if you want. Just be accessible. Nothing more. If he wants you back, he'll figure what to do to transform your accessibility into another romance. Or he won't. In which case, you probably wouldn't really want him anyway.

[Yggdrasil]

I agree with whaywardj. In addition: stop being so clingy and demanding. Also, do something about those control issues of yours, like: go seek some professional help there, like a counselor or so.

[utopianhercules]

You have said it all yourself and then more.

Your first relationship? No wonder. Look, that guy doesn't have any clear priorities. He steals kisses like whaywardj suggested but is still afraid of committing. He uses little quarrels and altercations to try to justify his little "skip-and-hop" games.

Like whaywardj suggested, if I were you, I would go about my life and let him come back to me when his wandering mind finally settles.

If you weren't doing anything more than getting into little fights with your boyfirend -- this isn't shit that ONLY he puts up with, you are putting up with it too. If you were really throwing tantrums and making his life miserabe - you learnt your lesson.

Forget about him, go get Mr. Right.