Ladies, what do you consider an acceptable level of flirting...

[soulsurvivor23]

... when in a relationship.

This question is mainly for the females, I suppose males can answer it as well if you want. But anyways, when you are in an exclusive relationship with a guy, what do you consider acceptable in terms of flirting with other guys... Like, lets say a guy approaches you in whatever setting: ex.. maybe a girls night out, at a library, at a bus stop, at the mall.. pretty much anywhere and starts giving you lines/complements. How far do you let that go, and what do you consider acceptable and unacceptable.

[vashti]

I think flirting is fine, but it is important to let the third party know that it isn't going to go anywhere relatively early on, especially if it is clear they are genuinely interested. A good way to know if they are genuinely interested is that they often will be nervous.

[ecojeanne]

i personally don't flirt back only coz i firstly don't want to lead the guy on and secondly i know i wouldn't be able to knowing i had a guy, but on the other hand i think flirting is perfectly fine. my ex used to flirt with all the gals and i enjoyed the fact that he was coming home with me. and his ego was masssged and he was always in a fantastic mood after. it's good for the soul

[soulsurvivor23]

So... if it's a genuine interest you'd let them know early on that it's not going anywhere but if it's a casual interest you'll continue with it as if it is going somewhere?

[vashti]

So... if it's a genuine interest you'd let them know early on that it's not going anywhere but if it's a casual interest you'll continue with it as if it is going somewhere?

Casual interest? No. People don't necessarily flirt with the intention of it going anywhere, but rather because it is fun, so I don't presume that they have any significant interest unless they demonstrate some. Once I catch on that they want to take it further, I figure out a way to mention my unavailability pretty quick.

[soulsurvivor23]

I don't have an issue with flirting with others while in a relationship. I mean, I know at some time or another it's gonna happen, with the guy and with the girl. But my issue is the type of girl who doesn't give off the impression that she's unavailable to a guy with genuine interest. My last gf for example was one of these people. And then she would pull the innocent approach when I caught her one time. There was this dude who chatted her up and told her she's sexy and all this stuff and that he wants to date her. So..she eventually got around to telling him she had a man (me at that time). Then he says, oh that's cool I mean I just want to get to know you. (which at that point she should know is complete BS after he already told her his intentions).. Then she says, sure we can go out as long as it's not a date you're looking for.... So he says, yeah it's not a date.. Just want to go to the park or the beach, sit down and chat and get to know each other.. And she says, sure sounds fun!

To which I was extremely pissed about.... Did I have a right to be?

[vashti]

Yes. She made a date with him. That was definitely taking it too far.

[soulsurvivor23]

Good, because honestly, I don't like to think of myself as some kind of jealous maniac like she made me out to be. I wasn't upset that she had male friends. I just didn't feel like the way she handled her situations with men after we started dating exclusively was appropriate. Like, guys would grab her butt and she would give them the flirty kind of "stop it" in which they would think she means she wants more... She would let them say all kinds of shit they wanna do to her sexually and she'd give them the same "stop that" that i just mentioned.. And I just thought it was way out of line.. For myself when i'm with a girl I know there will probably be some flirting with other girls at times but there are lines that I would never cross and i'd expect my girl to feel that same way about certain boundaries.

[soulsurvivor23]

And another thing i'd like to add (sorry about this mini rant) but I hate the relationship double standards. Pretty much every girl i've dated has not wanted me to have female friends at all. They hate it when I speak to a female (aside from my mother) other than them, they don't want me to talk to a girl, or even look at one who is attractive... But then when they have guy friends, flirt with guys, or stare it's supposed to be ok, and you as the guy aren't allowed to say anything and if you do you're "being jealous and immature." It irks me to no end.

[ecojeanne]

^^it's just their insecurity, it's not your problem and you should always be friends with whom ever you want. it's pathetic to watch people get so possessive. it's their problem NOT yours, it seems like you can be a little possessive too then...not a good idea for a healthy relationship....saying that tho i used to like it when my ex got jealous, i didn't make it worse coz that would have been insensitive but it did make me feel wanted

[soulsurvivor23]

I certainly wouldn't consider myself possessive though. Sometimes I can get jealous, as most people do at some time or another, but I've never told a girl who she should or shouldn't befriend and that she's forbidden from flirting with anyone.

[elektra]

Grabbing your GF's ass and having sexual conversations is highly inappropriate on both your GF's and her friends' part. IMO, that goes way beyond flirting. I' hoping she doesn't let strangers do that to her.

Are you there when it happens? That would show a total disrespect for you and your feelings. If you don't do anything at the time, that means the guys think you're a wuss and they certainly do not have any respect for her, either.

I would tell her she should show more respect for herself, you, and your relationship and if she continues to allow that behavior and doesn't change her behavior, something's gotta give.

[little pingoin]

If you're flirting with other women in your GF's presence and she's laughing or is amused, you're fine. If she starts getting pissy, stop.

If you're flirting with other women outside of your GF's view, ask yourself if you would be comfortable with the direction/level/intensity of the flirting if she were standing next to you. If yes, you're fine. If not, stop.