Depressed Girlfriend

[AC Milan]

Hey guys this is my first post, but I’ve been reading on here for a while.

Well it all starts from almost exactly this time last year when I got together with a girl. I’m 18 and she’s 16, but she’s very mature for her age and I don’t even realize that we have a two year age gap. Anyway I got together with her and we lasted for almost exactly 6 months when I broke up with her. Towards the end of the relationship I became very uninterested and became distant, and I know the break up hurt her a lot.

After a couple of months passed we started to regularly hang out again as friends and things we’re great. I began to become attracted to her again but needed to make sure of my feelings before I told her so I didn’t mess her around. After a month of hanging out and a few spontaneous make out sessions I went to her house before school one morning and told her that I wanted to be back together with her. Her initial response was very cautious, she still had feelings for me but didn’t want to set herself up to be hurt massively again as she had just gotten to the stage where she was okay with not being with me. We ended up skipping school and spending the whole day together, and even ended up having sex for the first time (for both of us). Anyway we slowly got back into it and she began to trust me and we told each other we loved each other.

About this time last week things between us were the best they had ever been (its been three months since I said I wanted her back), we loved each other and were spending a lot of time together. Now the problem is she has depression, she has for years, she has just gone onto medication and she got really good for a couple weeks and has now gone downhill including losing her sex drive. She also began to do things out of character, on Saturday night she kissed another guy (very, VERY much not who she is) and rang me up just after crying on the phone and apologizing frantically. I got angry and told her I don’t know who she is anymore. Anyway we hung out Sunday and things were pretty good, and then last night she said she wanted to not be together for a while because she needs to sort herself out and become happy. Today we saw each other at school a few times and we’ve both just been so miserable and she still kissed me and held my hand when she saw me. We have both said we really don’t want this to be the end and we love each other very much.

My dilemma is should I give her this space and time apart because she needs it, or is she just trying to push me away to protect me?

And where do I draw the line between being there and supporting her and giving her space?

I really don’t know what to do, I’m so scarred we’re going to grow apart and never get back together and I don’t want that to happen because I truly love her more than I ever thought possible.

[LuisCMartins]

If you truly love her, then you should be there for her.
I don't how she is like, and I'm not sure what she feels, since she has a depression and stuff, but she probably wants some space for herself. Just try to understand her by talking to her, and do what you think it would be best for her and for you.

[TruLuv]

My advice is give her space but make it abundantly clear that you are there for her whenever she needs you. If she's pushing you away it will become clear with time.

[MDavis454]

TruLuv pretty much hit the nail on the head in my opinion. You love HER and not necessarily who she's become, but that doesn't mean you can't be there for her. Worst case scenario is you were her friend through hard times. Best case scenario things work out for both of you. So ideally you can't truly lose.

[minnie_an]

I agree with what TruLuv said

[AC Milan]

Thanks guys, i talked to her last night and she says she has every intention of getting back together with me and its killing her having to do this, so i guess things will be good in the long run but its just going to be hard at the moment.

Another interesting note, MDavis454, its not that i don't love who shes become, to be honest she doesn't act any differently around me than she ever has and she says she knows that because she said when shes around me its the only time she is truly happy... so yeah it just seems weird that she would want to take time apart, but i guess i don't understand what shes going though so i have to trust her judgment.

[alwaysloveyz]

no offense...but shes 16... and im not saying that cause i think your to old, 2 years is a good enough gap. but shes only 16, shes only starting to figure out her life and who she is. and your not that much older and more mature either. so i think, yes, give her space relationship wise. but i also think you should be able to talk with her. it should help if you just listen to how she is feeling. she is just at the age where she needs someone to listen to her feelings because she really is not so sure about any of it herself. also, sex this early for her might have been a bad idea. again, shes still figuring out her life right now, and sex really messes up a person's emotions at this easily influenced age. but i guess its too late for that now. anyways, don't rely being a boyfriend as much as you should be just someone who cares for her.