I'm a broken dude, life is in ruins...

[soulsurvivor23]

Months back, I posted here about my situation.
Short summary:
Met a girl in November of 08. Fell in love with her. Around April of 09 we exchanged I love you's, and held hands... A few days later we had a date planned, which she cancelled out on me... and on that date i was planning to ask her to date officially. Long story short, it didn't happen, so a couple days later when I saw her I did ask her. She said no because her ex bf (who lives miles and miles away) asked her out the day she cancelled the date with me... At that point I should've just dropped her completely, but for whatever reason we kept talking, got even closer. Did a lot of stuff together, physically, mentally, i met her fam and she met mine, etc etc... But all along she played me. My heart got so involved, more than it's ever been for anyone.. And now, months later I still don't know how to let go. We don't talk anymore and I just cry myself to sleep everynight.. I have no idea what to do anymore.

[cmacattack1]

Another brutal life lesson. Don't let your emotions get in the way of your logic. You know it was wrong but you were like what the hell? See it for what it was. You guys did things but weren't official for months, just going along with it without a real plan in mind and unsure about what you want.

I know it hurts. Please don't wallow though. You say it's months and you are still crying yourself to sleep. It's time to take control of yourself again. You are responsible for you and you have what it takes to get yourself out of this rut. It's over, there is nothing you can do to change the past and you know that she was terribly wrong in many aspects (honesty about how she felt and feelings for an ex for starters). You wouldn't want to be back with her anyway, because even if you changed and become a better person from this, if she hasn't grown, what would be the point? You would be in the same place you are now.

You do not need her to be happy. Concentrate on yourself and find ways to improve yourself. Find your self worth again. Do it for you. If she were to call tomorrow and want to patch things up, when you are at ground zero of misery? Not saying do it for her, but she or any other girl won't want to be with somebody that is in the state that you are.

[soulsurvivor23]

Honestly though, It may sound as though I didn't know what I wanted, but I did actually know. In my mind she was "the one." I had found the girl of my dreams and I didn't want to look elsewhere. Meanwhile, when she originally told me about the ex, I did decide at that point that i'm totally done with her, never going back. Then she fed me with all this BS about how she doesn't want to be with him and how she loves me more... And how he's too controlling, and this that and the other... Which at first I believed, but then after months and months went by with no change I asked her "what are we" and she said "friends, best friends" and it was at that point I knew she was just taking me along for a ride.... and in our final falling out, she told me that she never really loved me.. which even though I had figured out on my own, hearing it hurt more than you could imagine considering how much i did for this girl, how much i went through, how much i poured my heart out to her, and how much she made me believe that all those feelings were mutual.. I just haven't been the same person ever since. There have been girls that have liked me since then. Girls that i've turned down or haven't pursued for no good reason.. And it's like, I don't even know what to do with myself, i'm an emotional wreck.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, it sounds like you got betrayed pretty badly and played for a fool. Hangin on for months and not getting what you want is pretty shitty but you played a role in that as well. It's pretty difficult to keep your wits when you have emotion driving your actions but hanging on and thinking they will change when you aren't getting what you want and aren't enjoying yourself is self depricating. And after all your efforts you get dropped with an "I never really loved you" and I can see why you are in such misery.

Keep in mind that what she did was wrong. It is not the actions of a mature adult, it is the actions of a child. You know it's not right. Attaching your self worth to what a child thinks of you is not worth it. You need to start doing things for you to get you out of this. Not saying you have to find somebody else, because more than likely you probably won't be ready. But doing things like working out, meeting up and connecting with friends that you may have fallen out of touch with, and so on are good examples. If you don't like those do whatever things that make you happy. Get into a routine. It's going to take a serious effort and seems impossible but you have to try if you want to love again and have what you thought you had with her with somebody else.

You can sulk about it for as long as you like but sooner or later you will be sick of it. She is not going to come through that door and whisk you away and say she is sorry and make everything better. Time to start a new chapter in your life. One day at a time. Baby steps.

[soulsurvivor23]

Yeah I get you. And I know that what you're saying is true, but i've tried it all. First, I tried to drink my way out of it. I'm typically only a social drinker but I started upping the volume, and quickly found out that it only worsened the problem.. Then I tried surrounding myself with close friends and family, talking it out.. It did bring temporary relief at times, but I found that every spare moment that I had to myself was just loneliness and depressing thoughts.

Then, there was a brief amount of time when I felt like I was maybe 75-80% over it. I met a beautiful woman who was really into me. I was surprised actually because at that moment I was feeling really low and depressed, and lacking self confidence. So she actually boldy approached me and started talking to me.. We talked for awhile (something like 2-3 hours actually).. and the end result was that we planned a get together (a date I guess you could call it).

The date went well, I had a good time can't really complain. She was throwing me signals all night and I knew it, but deep down I was still thinking about the other girl who for privacy purposes I will call Jennifer. All night this good time I should've been having with this beautiful girl was ruined by thinking about the times I had spent with Jennifer. So, me and the other girl spoke a few more times on the phone and that was it. She was clearly interested in me, and I knew in any other circumstance I would jump at that chance. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it when I knew my heart hadn't let go.

This is where i'm at. I want to let go, I sincerely do. I've tried to make an effort. Spoken to people, done things I enjoy, tried new things, made new friends, gone on a date or two, etc etc etc... and yet everyday it's the same problem.. Which is why I say my life is in shambles.. Even though I manage through my daily activities, it's a constant stress on my heart that nobody really feels or understands.

[lhn]

Hey Soulsurvivor23,
I've read through your thread and I feel for you. The pain you feel is recipricated amongst others on this forum in all its glory! Thats why we're all here right?

The reason everyone always says 'keep busy', 'make new friends', 'workout' etc etc is for one purpose only... for "temporary relief at times". Theres nothing on this planet that could pull you immediately out of the misery of heartbreak. Temporary relief is all you can hope for until your heart lets go. Apart from that, its just a waiting game.

I've done a bazillion different things to keep myself going whilst experiencing this crappy part of life and some of it has helped. Coming on here for one. But there is still that void which simply cannot be fixed with anything other than time. I work with my ex and she got with someone I know within about 2weeks of me splitting with her (perhaps before? who know's...) and its tough. Really really tough. I mean, how should I be able to cope. There are no coping mechanisms pre-made... you kinda need to go through it and learn it the hard way.
Anyway... don't want to sound patronising as you kinda know all this stuff and have been doing everything right. That date you went on, even though you're still thinking of your ex, it is still good to get out the house etc and who knows, maybe when you've healed a tiny bit more you can contact her again and maybe she'll show interest.

Try not to find answers or an easy solution cos there just isn't one. Instead, concentrate on learning, on maturing and on realising your next relationship will be so much better prepared. You'll be wiser and have more guile and a few mroe barriers which aren't such a bad thing.

[soulsurvivor23]

Ironically, maybe 2 or 3 years ago I found myself in a situation where a girl that I had been friends with for 7 years and dated for almost 2 years broke up with me without warning. We has a small argument, nothing serious at all. In fact, I don't even remember what it was about. Next thing you know she literally just stops answering my phone calls, e-mails, texts, etc.. So for months and months, I went through the pain of never really having any closure and wondering what I did to deserve that. But i'd say after almost a full year of grieving I was over it. Once I was over it, it wasn't even a passing thought for me anymore. She even sent me an e-mail way after the fact saying she's sorry it was wrong of her and that she wants me back, and I literally felt nothing. No desire at all to be with her anymore. I told her I accept the apology but anything that we had is long gone now. I felt at that time like it was probably the worst way I could ever experience a breakup and that since I had hit rock bottom, i'd be so much stronger for the next girl that comes along.

And the next girl that came along was... Jennifer... And this one hits me so much harder because everything she ever told me was a lie. With the previous gf, there's no doubt in my mind that she loved me throughout our relationship. Even though she hurt me in a very painful way, to this day we are still friends.

With Jennifer, she was feeding me with bs. She would accept all my gifts, we would talk every night on the phone before we go to bed, and every morning before work. We spent so much time together, we travelled together, went on many dates, met each others fam, so many things.. It feels like the ultimate betrayal from the most unexpected place.. And the worst part of it is, even with all of that, I still love her and I can't shake that feeling.

[soulsurvivor23]

So... I contacted her yesterday. Sent her a long e-mail about what I felt and what she's missing out on.. and then I get a call from her. In this call she said that she loves me, cares about me, and wants to be my friend.. She apologized and said she didn't intend to lead me on and that when we met she was just emotional about the guy leaving her (at that time).. and that it's the reason why we kissed and went out and all that stuff. She was like, i'm sorry but i've just loved him for 3 years and I can't let go of that..

And to me it was like the icing on the cake. Back when she first told me about him I forgave her.. She had told me however that she wants their relationship to end.. I specifically asked her if she loved him and she would say "I used to, but not anymore" or "kind of but I want to be with you and not him"

I am feeling so hurt and betrayed right now. And she had the nerve to ask if we can still be friends. **** being her friend. I never want to speak to her again!

[lhn]

I know this sounds horrible but I think if you have a reason and the ability to not like that person, it makes it easier to go through the breakup.

I wish I could hate my ex for what she put me through.

[soulsurvivor23]

The problem is, I have a million reasons to hate her, but at the end of each day I still wish I could be with her.

[boobaa]

Months back, I posted here about my situation.
Short summary:
Met a girl in November of 08. Fell in love with her. Around April of 09 we exchanged I love you's, and held hands... A few days later we had a date planned, which she cancelled out on me... and on that date i was planning to ask her to date officially. Long story short, it didn't happen, so a couple days later when I saw her I did ask her. She said no because her ex bf (who lives miles and miles away) asked her out the day she cancelled the date with me... At that point I should've just dropped her completely, but for whatever reason we kept talking, got even closer. Did a lot of stuff together, physically, mentally, i met her fam and she met mine, etc etc... But all along she played me. My heart got so involved, more than it's ever been for anyone.. And now, months later I still don't know how to let go. We don't talk anymore and I just cry myself to sleep everynight.. I have no idea what to do anymore.

I am totally with you! Same happened here, never trust these snakes!

See, its a pattern in girls, third thread already.

[soulsurvivor23]

I am totally with you! Same happened here, never trust these snakes!

See, its a pattern in girls, third thread already.

Yup, in all my life i've never found a trustworthy female to be with. Right now i'm taking a long break from looking.

[soulsurvivor23]

Oh man, as an update, she texted me twice to say happy new year (after yesterday when I told her I never wanna talk to her again). Then she called me 3 times, once from a restricted number but with the timing I knew it was her. So, my initial thought was to say something mean and hurtful.. Then I had another thought to return the comment and say happy new year to her too.... But finally, I decided that it's best if I say nothing.. Because I know the first step to healing and the best way to get back at her for what she's done is to just move on and forget about her. She doesn't exist to me anymore.