could use some dating advice

[komplexvn]

this might be a little long lol, please bear with me.

so like 3 months ago this girl was hired where i work, and she blew my mind. beautiful, smart, funny, extremely kind, all the good stuff. the first day she worked, i was working and we hit it off great and became good friends. we work together lots and she never leaves my side when we are at work. basically the first thing she asked me was if i was seeing anyone, in which i replied no. she ended up telling me as well that she wasnt seeing anyone.

a month later or so, i asked her out for a drink and she said sure, but when it came down to going, i asked if she wanted to go to dinner instead and she said something along the lines of "i really like you but we work together and i dont want to screw work up". she asked if she hurt me and i said no, i dont want to mess work up either, but in reality i didnt give a shit, i had never felt this way about a girl. i also told her i dont want to ruin our friendship and dont want things to be akward either, which i dont. the next day we had a staff meeting and i figured even tho she said everything was fine, shit would still be akward between us, but she ended up asking me to come to the gym after the meeting (she is a runner), and i said sure. after i left the gym i was going into town and she sent me a text (i didnt have her number, and she ended up getting mine off facebook), and we ended up talking alot over the phone when we werent working, and doing things like running, eating together, coffee, etc.

well about 2 weeks ago i noticed she didnt talk to me nearly as much outside work or hang out anymore (were still together like all day at work, she still doesnt leave my side). a couple days later i noticed she went from single to "in a relationship" on her facebook, so i asked her "whos the lucky guy" and she said no one, and that she just changes her status every once in a while. im thinking in my head this is bs and she just doesnt want to tell me shes seeing someone. it had been a little since we hung out so i asked if she wanted to go see a movie this week and she said sure (but her facial expression, etc, didnt seem like she really want to). well the day came and no word from her all week or whatever, so i figured she didnt want to go because she was seeing someone else, which she was still denying. anyways today i found out who she was seeing (they finally made it official) and i just dunno what to do anymore.

she knows i like her and everything, but ive never told her exactly how i feel and why i like her. we have SO MUCH in common, i mean shes just unbelievable. i just dont know what to do anymore, its driving me nuts lol. i feel like ive found my soulmate and its just crushing me knowing shes seeing someone else now. im not really jealous, or atleast i dont think, i just know shes dating a douchebag and dont really know how to approach this. i feel like ive found my soulmate lol.

this was probably very boring and all that, but any help at all would be very appreicated!

[Hillbilly]

if she is happy with who she is with.,it will never happen. Is she is not happy then be patient...she will let you know.

[komplexvn]

yea that was what i thought i might have to do was just bear with it and such. i felt as if i shouldve just come out and told her exactly why i like her first, etc, and if that wouldve changed the outcome. when we are together at work or whereever, we make eachother happy. ive also had multiple ppl say that they thought we were dating since we acted so natural around eachother, and i had to regretfully tell them we were just friends.

i mean in the end i would really just like her to be happy, because we are really good friends. but at the same time ive never met a girl so perfect for me its incredible.

im so torn up lol.

[komplexvn]

i really feel as if i fcked this up (based on posts from other advice forums), and am even more confused lol

[lhn]

I think you are just going to have to chill out for a little while.
Look at this logically... At the moment she is seeing someone else so no matter how you feel, she is pre-occupied elsewhere. She is in a relationship and that needs to be respected (just like you're doing). The feelings u have, the pit-of-your-stomach-sickness is normal and knowing she is with someone else hurts. Sure it does, thats normal.

Basically, keep doing what you're doing. Hold you head up and make sure you're there when/if her current relationship ends. However, its important you don't wait for her. Don't keep building things up in your head, for example... don't think what you would say/do if she becomes single. Stop checking her facebook 'relationship status' (I know you are ) for changes. Don't pry and don't probe.

You were fine before you met her, you're fine without her.

Play it cool and you never know, maybe you will become boyfriend material irrelevant of work

On a side note, if she has had a bad experience in the past with a work-related split (like I have) then she is being smart. Sorry, but it becomes soooo complicated you have no idea unless you've been there and done it!

[komplexvn]

thank you for all that have replied! i will take time to get back at you tonight when i get off work, im in hurry!

[komplexvn]

Ha Ihn you can read me like a book! i try not to go on facebook and look at hers, its tough, especially when im at work and super bored (happens alot).

im not going to wait up for her anymore like you said i shouldnt. my eyes are always open for girls, so dont worry about that! like you said, i managed before without her and i can manage now. i dont feel the need to fully cut her off, but im gonna try and keep my distance, so we will see how saturday at work goes and ill let you guys know.

im just worried that she will know something is up. if i just like stay away from her at work thats completely obvious and she will most likely say something. should i make it that obvious? or try and tone it down and just do my thing.

[girl68]

Don't act like it's no big deal because she'll continue to toy with you/ flirt just enough that it's not questionable yet at the same time it will make you question her feelings for you.

Keep some distance and if she does decide to ask be honest: "I like you, I asked you out you said no, you're now in a relationship and I feel like I should respect that and keep my distance because as I said I have some feelings."

It's the truth, it's honest, it tells her that she can't just toy with you as a 'friend' anymore.

[komplexvn]

youre right girl. if she wonders ill just tell her whats up.

so glad i posted this on these boards.

[girl68]

Goodluck let us know if anything happens. I'm curious if this girl is an attention whore.

By that I mean I wonder if she's going to be pissy that you're not showing her the attention you once were...

[komplexvn]

we will find out tomorrow! i work til midnight with her so i will let you know how it goes

[komplexvn]

well just got home from work and i guess she took the night off because she had to be in at 8am (boss is terrible at schedules), so i wont be working with her until monday.

i had the right vibe going into, and of course she isnt there lol. sry girl youll have to wait til monday! haha