I don't want to be friends why can't he understand that?

[LM86]

So I think I posted this awhile ago but im having more problems... A brief recap.

I was seeing this guy I work with things were fine until the ex came into the picture... then the communication went downhill but he still made it clear he was interested so i didn't know what was going on between us. He barely told me anything so I made a fake account to find out this ex was a girl he met online a few months ago who refused to meet him but said she loved him and all they would do would be talk on the phone and send pictures and he was even buying her nice gifts that he couldn't send her and he had nobody else in mind and she was the only girl for him. He was also saying he had been loyal to her which wasn't true and then when i went on the last time I got him worked up and he said he had left his girl started hitting on my fake girl and then i gave him the # of a guy friend pretending it was this fake girl and he kept texting it asking her out.

After all this happened I didn't say a word as myself I send him a message saying I've been patient and understand and now I'd like to know where I stand and he told me we had no chemistry and didn't think we were compatible which was a lie cause he would of known that from the beginning. And one day I went over to his place and he really stuck to that story and said I was a feeler cause im emotional when i write emails and hes a thinker and needed someone dominant (we all know thats for wild sex since opposites are hard to get along with). He felt our sex had no rhytmn and he was right because I have barely had sex in my life because I was never really social and I was scared. I know im 23 and I feel embarassed about it cause I know my performance is part of what ended it... but I mean you have to start somewhere. Another major factor is that I was raped not too long ago and I was trying to hide my past from him but I really shouldnt of like I told him we could work on things and he wanted to but then we never did he just ended things.

I wrote him a email letting all my thoughts out it was very emotional and honest and at the end I told him its not a good idea to be friends right now so I started ignoring him at work and then he kept messasging me asking me what was going on and why I was ignoring him and then I REALLY let him have it telling him he made unbelivable excuses for ending things between us... and he basically said he has alot life issues like he may be moving for work, has family problems, doesnt like the committment, is really busy. I told him he should of made that clear in the beginning that he didnt want a relationship but he said he didnt know at that point. He also said another factor was the awkwardness in sex which i explained to him and he understood but to me, I can understand the life issues and not wanting to committ but ending a relationship becuase someone lacks experience in sex seems lame becuase that is something you CAN change about someone if you both work on it. Nobody is ever a pro at the beginning you just need to be taught... I dont know too many guys that would end a relationship over that if they really liked someone.

If I was willing to work on things with him do you think it was the awkwardness of sex that really ended it or was it really the fact he didn't want a committment and he didn't want to "work on things" with me cause he knows I would get hurt.

I told him Its not a good idea to be friends at this present moment but he still insists on saying hello to me I think im going to have to ignore him one more time so he gets the picture. Im really hurting right now and need some time to get over him.

Im also thinking in the last 2 guys I was with since I am 23 its expected that I would be good at sex but since I made a decision years ago not to have it im hoping it wont affect my future relationships what do you think?

Ok I think he just doesn't understand where im coming from. He's being a really big asshole about it too. I think he's a really selfish person. I need to find someone who understands me for what I want. He doesn't. He doesn't even understand himself or know what hes doing with his life he really needs to grow up. He can't even be honest about the simplest things with me.

It doesn't sound like he's gonna change his mind about a relationship and sooner . I deserve better. I'm just gonna have to give it some time. He's just being unjust. I can't really do anything to change it. Its his responsibility to do it.

I get him not wanting a committment but seriously the whole performance thing i explained to him and said i'd work on it and i mean he should of addressed it sooner...and thats really lame to end over since thats something that could be fixed it hurts to hear him say that cause most guys if they really liked someone would work on someone with that and wouldn't end a relationship over that. I guess it was really more the relationship more than anything though and he didn't want me to get hurt.

If anyone has any pointers on what to do to get over/input on the situation would be greatly appreciated...

[Coco]

I stopped reading after the second paragraph. You play too many games. He rejected you and you pretty much stalked him. You need to get over it.

[LM86]

I most definitely didn't stalk him cause then I would of been contacting him constantly which i didn't do. I know things are over since he doesn't want a relationship that's not what I was asking...

[Coco]

Erm... I take back what I posted here to say this.

I rest my case.
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/37144-he-being-honest-just-excuse.html[/url]

I took back what I just said because you pretty much asked for it. You shouldn't have made the fake account and did this and that. That is stalker like behavior. Considering you only started kicking it with him in October of 09 and you were furious at him because he was in love with another girl. But... he was never your boyfriend to begin with!! Everyone in the post linked above gave you great advice. You should have left him alone but you didn't.

If you want to get over him and everything else. Delete him from your Facebook and stop communicating with him, no matter what he shows.