Why go back?

[MetalPhoenix]

Not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but here goes:

This is a question for people who've had a lot of trouble getting a relationship, have had their hearts broken a couple of times or have never had a relationship:

Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?

To me being in love is of of the worst feelings in the world (see my sig). And when you've finally come to tell that one person how you feel, the odds are pretty good he/she doesn't share the same feelings towards you.

So why keep trying? I'm not saying I'm a wussy and that I won't fight for something I want or believe in, but after a couple of really bad experiences, why would I want to try again with -at least- a 50% chance of getting hurt again?
I know I'm possibly the only one thinking like this, but I'm just curious as to the "why" people do this to themselves

[sookie6]

Oh no you are not the only one thinking this.
I am probably much older than you are and after a major break-up in my life it has been difficult to get back on track. It does not get any easier with age...actually it is worse...

Last year I have experienced nothing but disaster in dating. But I am quite proud of myself that I tried. But I can't say I was heartbroken when my dates did not work out. I did not mind I didn't know the guys enough to care...
So you see you sould be very careful when dating not to get attached too quickly before at least where you are at with the girl...

On your specific question why we do it?

Some people can't live without a relationship going in their life, they need the feeling, the emotional or financial support that being in a relationship bring into their life. You seem to be coping pretty well by yourself. You have a hobby that keeps you happy and I bet some good mates to go out with...
Some people can't live without sex. They got used to a healthy amount of sex in past relationships and find it impossible to cope just with their hand
Some people (these ones are the best) are givers. They like to take care of someone and feel deprived if they haven't got anyone to cuddle, to cook for, etc.

Overall mating is also a natural thing. One of the major instincts of the animal world. Finding someone compatible, reproduce to extend the family tree...

Okay I am reading my post over and find it quite boring. I probably forgot the most important part.
When you find the right person all the bad you've experienced before suddenly becomes a distant memory. You experience the happiest times in your life. The most magical.
It makes it all worth it.

[lhn]

Great post Sookie.

The pain is unbearable when it doesn't work out, but the good times just can't be topped!

[qwertz]

Not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but here goes:

This is a question for people who've had a lot of trouble getting a relationship, have had their hearts broken a couple of times or have never had a relationship:

Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?

To me being in love is of of the worst feelings in the world (see my sig). And when you've finally come to tell that one person how you feel, the odds are pretty good he/she doesn't share the same feelings towards you.

So why keep trying? I'm not saying I'm a wussy and that I won't fight for something I want or believe in, but after a couple of really bad experiences, why would I want to try again with -at least- a 50% chance of getting hurt again?
I know I'm possibly the only one thinking like this, but I'm just curious as to the "why" people do this to themselves

Im with you on this one.

Ive been hurt and i dont intend to let it happen again.

Its called self preservation.

[MetalPhoenix]

Ok...so I'm not the only weirdo here

Self preservation is exactly why I don't want a relationship anymore. I'm not even going to try anymore. I don't care if the 'good times' are worth it. I've had other things I had to give up. I'll get over this too

@Ihn: I assume you've seen these 'good times' so I can imagine it would be harder for you to give that up.

[sookie6]

I don't care if the 'good times' are worth it. I've had other things I had to give up. I'll get over this too

Phoenix I want to give you a cuddle...can't help it!

[Asip4u]

I've noticed that burying the feelings you have especially if you want to experience the closeness, falling in love and all that, doesn't really work. It eventually comes out sooner or later. Taking risks but keeping in mind that things may not work and being prepared is much better.

[MetalPhoenix]

Phoenix I want to give you a cuddle...can't help it!

LOL...no idea why tho.. I can come across as cranky and boring, but thanks

I've noticed that burying the feelings you have especially if you want to experience the closeness, falling in love and all that, doesn't really work. It eventually comes out sooner or later. Taking risks but keeping in mind that things may not work and being prepared is much better.

Buring feelings can be bad, but I've had too much bad experiences to keep trying. So I'm not really buring it, I'm getting rid of them.
And because I don't want to risk anything anymore that means I also don't want closeness. It's a compromise, because the simple act of hugging someone you love is a really great feeling, but in my case the bad things outweigh the good things.

[qwertz]

I honestly dont know whether i am capable of feeling anything that resembles love for anyone, ive had so much hurt and heartbreak that i just dont see what i have to give.

I however, do crave the closeness with someone..it can be pretty lonely sometimes-but i want that without the risk of being hurt again.

I also push people away as soon as they start to get too close..in whatever capacity i know them, but i guess that comes back to the self preservation.
Its working for now, but i know one day it will stop working..as im sure it will for you.

[Mish]

Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?

In the hope of finding the right partner. Duh

Sure you may try and fail, but you also may succeed. If you don't try you will fail 100% of the time, that's guaranteed.

[MetalPhoenix]

I honestly dont know whether i am capable of feeling anything that resembles love for anyone, ive had so much hurt and heartbreak that i just dont see what i have to give.

I however, do crave the closeness with someone..it can be pretty lonely sometimes-but i want that without the risk of being hurt again.

I also push people away as soon as they start to get too close..in whatever capacity i know them, but i guess that comes back to the self preservation.
Its working for now, but i know one day it will stop working..as im sure it will for you.

I don't know if I will succeed. There is offcourse a chance that I break down in a moment of weakness, but I'm damn-sure gonna try.

In the hope of finding the right partner. Duh

Sure you may try and fail, but you also may succeed. If you don't try you will fail 100% of the time, that's guaranteed.

No kidding

No, I see your point, but what I meant was why people who have had more misery than fortune in love (like me).

And trust me when I say I've tried. I just know that if I try again, the chance of succeeding is very limited, and when I DO succeed, I'm pretty sure that's it's eventually going to end. So I'm not going to try anymore, just to prevent myself from getting hurt.

And I'm guessing that you've had some good relationships and that you know the upside.

[Tallgeese]

I heard it is because once you try, you never go back.