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Thread: Why go back?

  1. #1
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    Why go back?

    Not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but here goes:

    This is a question for people who've had a lot of trouble getting a relationship, have had their hearts broken a couple of times or have never had a relationship:

    Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?

    To me being in love is of of the worst feelings in the world (see my sig). And when you've finally come to tell that one person how you feel, the odds are pretty good he/she doesn't share the same feelings towards you.

    So why keep trying? I'm not saying I'm a wussy and that I won't fight for something I want or believe in, but after a couple of really bad experiences, why would I want to try again with -at least- a 50% chance of getting hurt again?
    I know I'm possibly the only one thinking like this, but I'm just curious as to the "why" people do this to themselves
    Can someone please explain what is so great about constantly being reminded of that which you cannot have?

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    Oh no you are not the only one thinking this.
    I am probably much older than you are and after a major break-up in my life it has been difficult to get back on track. It does not get any easier with age...actually it is worse...

    Last year I have experienced nothing but disaster in dating. But I am quite proud of myself that I tried. But I can't say I was heartbroken when my dates did not work out. I did not mind I didn't know the guys enough to care...
    So you see you sould be very careful when dating not to get attached too quickly before at least where you are at with the girl...

    On your specific question why we do it?

    Some people can't live without a relationship going in their life, they need the feeling, the emotional or financial support that being in a relationship bring into their life. You seem to be coping pretty well by yourself. You have a hobby that keeps you happy and I bet some good mates to go out with...
    Some people can't live without sex. They got used to a healthy amount of sex in past relationships and find it impossible to cope just with their hand
    Some people (these ones are the best) are givers. They like to take care of someone and feel deprived if they haven't got anyone to cuddle, to cook for, etc.

    Overall mating is also a natural thing. One of the major instincts of the animal world. Finding someone compatible, reproduce to extend the family tree...

    Okay I am reading my post over and find it quite boring. I probably forgot the most important part.
    When you find the right person all the bad you've experienced before suddenly becomes a distant memory. You experience the happiest times in your life. The most magical.
    It makes it all worth it.

  3. #3
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    Great post Sookie.

    The pain is unbearable when it doesn't work out, but the good times just can't be topped!
    Quote Originally Posted by qwerty123 View Post
    jeez i turn every argument round on a man, why take the blame if hes stupid enough to let you blame him about something totally different

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    Quote Originally Posted by MetalPhoenix View Post
    Not sure if I'm asking this the right way, but here goes:

    This is a question for people who've had a lot of trouble getting a relationship, have had their hearts broken a couple of times or have never had a relationship:

    Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?

    To me being in love is of of the worst feelings in the world (see my sig). And when you've finally come to tell that one person how you feel, the odds are pretty good he/she doesn't share the same feelings towards you.

    So why keep trying? I'm not saying I'm a wussy and that I won't fight for something I want or believe in, but after a couple of really bad experiences, why would I want to try again with -at least- a 50% chance of getting hurt again?
    I know I'm possibly the only one thinking like this, but I'm just curious as to the "why" people do this to themselves
    Im with you on this one.

    Ive been hurt and i dont intend to let it happen again.

    Its called self preservation.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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    Ok...so I'm not the only weirdo here

    Self preservation is exactly why I don't want a relationship anymore. I'm not even going to try anymore. I don't care if the 'good times' are worth it. I've had other things I had to give up. I'll get over this too

    @Ihn: I assume you've seen these 'good times' so I can imagine it would be harder for you to give that up.
    Can someone please explain what is so great about constantly being reminded of that which you cannot have?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MetalPhoenix View Post
    I don't care if the 'good times' are worth it. I've had other things I had to give up. I'll get over this too

    Phoenix I want to give you a cuddle...can't help it!
    "Oh I could spend my life having this conversation. Look, please try to understand before one of us dies"

    Quote Originally Posted by Yet another guy View Post
    It's just plain simpler to view the world as black and white rather than probabilistic shades of gray.

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    I've noticed that burying the feelings you have especially if you want to experience the closeness, falling in love and all that, doesn't really work. It eventually comes out sooner or later. Taking risks but keeping in mind that things may not work and being prepared is much better.
    -to be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.- e.e.cummings

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    Quote Originally Posted by sookie6 View Post
    Phoenix I want to give you a cuddle...can't help it!
    LOL...no idea why tho.. I can come across as cranky and boring, but thanks


    Quote Originally Posted by Asip4u View Post
    I've noticed that burying the feelings you have especially if you want to experience the closeness, falling in love and all that, doesn't really work. It eventually comes out sooner or later. Taking risks but keeping in mind that things may not work and being prepared is much better.
    Buring feelings can be bad, but I've had too much bad experiences to keep trying. So I'm not really buring it, I'm getting rid of them.
    And because I don't want to risk anything anymore that means I also don't want closeness. It's a compromise, because the simple act of hugging someone you love is a really great feeling, but in my case the bad things outweigh the good things.
    Can someone please explain what is so great about constantly being reminded of that which you cannot have?

  9. #9
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    I honestly dont know whether i am capable of feeling anything that resembles love for anyone, ive had so much hurt and heartbreak that i just dont see what i have to give.

    I however, do crave the closeness with someone..it can be pretty lonely sometimes-but i want that without the risk of being hurt again.

    I also push people away as soon as they start to get too close..in whatever capacity i know them, but i guess that comes back to the self preservation.
    Its working for now, but i know one day it will stop working..as im sure it will for you.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MetalPhoenix View Post
    Why do you keep trying? Why keep putting yourself "at risk" of getting hurt AGAIN?
    In the hope of finding the right partner. Duh

    Sure you may try and fail, but you also may succeed. If you don't try you will fail 100% of the time, that's guaranteed.
    Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
    Weak find the whip, willing find freedom
    Towards the sun, carry your name
    In warm hands you are given
    Ask the wind for the way
    Uncertainty's gone, your path will unravel
    Accept all as it is and do not blame
    God or the Devil
    ~Born to Live - Mavrik~

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    Quote Originally Posted by qwerty123 View Post
    I honestly dont know whether i am capable of feeling anything that resembles love for anyone, ive had so much hurt and heartbreak that i just dont see what i have to give.

    I however, do crave the closeness with someone..it can be pretty lonely sometimes-but i want that without the risk of being hurt again.

    I also push people away as soon as they start to get too close..in whatever capacity i know them, but i guess that comes back to the self preservation.
    Its working for now, but i know one day it will stop working..as im sure it will for you.

    I don't know if I will succeed. There is offcourse a chance that I break down in a moment of weakness, but I'm damn-sure gonna try.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mishanya View Post
    In the hope of finding the right partner. Duh

    Sure you may try and fail, but you also may succeed. If you don't try you will fail 100% of the time, that's guaranteed.
    No kidding

    No, I see your point, but what I meant was why people who have had more misery than fortune in love (like me).

    And trust me when I say I've tried. I just know that if I try again, the chance of succeeding is very limited, and when I DO succeed, I'm pretty sure that's it's eventually going to end. So I'm not going to try anymore, just to prevent myself from getting hurt.

    And I'm guessing that you've had some good relationships and that you know the upside.
    Last edited by MetalPhoenix; 03-02-10 at 08:21 AM.
    Can someone please explain what is so great about constantly being reminded of that which you cannot have?

  12. #12
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    I heard it is because once you try, you never go back.

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