Why is this so hard for her?

[Cton0770]

Hi-

I am having a problem with my ex girlfriend. This is not the sort of thing that people typically understand when I've tried explaining it, so I don't know what kind of responses I'm about to get. Most people think I am an a**hole for this...

We were together for about a year and a half. I broke up with her last summer mainly because right now I don't want to be tied into a relationship. I love her very much, but just don't want to be exclusive right now. I want to date other women, keep my doors open, have some fun while I'm still fairly young, etc. But I don't want to push my ex out of my life. I enjoy her company and I do not understand why when two people love each other and have been in a relationship for so long, why they tend to go their separate ways if they break up? Why can't they remain friends?

She seems to be very hurt by all of this--that I broke it off with her and now call her my friend and not my girlfriend. I do still enjoy having sex with her, but she doesn't seem to always handle this well. I guess it's true that women have more of an emotional connection with sex? I do not feel any sort of emotion/connection when I have sex, so for me, sex is really only sex (a physical experience) and nothing else.

I've told her about the other girls (and there have not been many) that I've gone on dates with, hung out with, have had sexual experiences with during the period of time we've been broken up. She gets very upset by hearing about it. I don't understand it and I do not understand jealousy.Never have. I'm not trying to be a jerk by telling her about these things, but I think it will help her to get over being sad/jealous/angry..whatever it is she's feeling, if I tell her about other girls involved in my life.

She thinks I don't love her because of all that has gone on. I do, but I seem to have a different understanding of what love is than she does. To me, all love is the same. I don't love her any more or less than I do my family or friends. I also don't see a reason to treat her differently than I always have. You could say we still appear to be a couple...people that see us together think we are boyfriend and girlfriend, but we aren't.

Maybe someone could give me some insight into why she has an issue with being in what you might call an "open relationship" with me? I honestly don't see what the big deal is.

[elektra]

I am actually laughing right now. Are you for real? How old are you? Breaking up w/someone because you are not ready to be tied down, especially if you are young, is fine and actually the fairest thing to do. Expecting to continue to have all the same benefits you had in the relationship is not. It is selfish and unrealistic. Saying all love is the same shows me you probably do not have much life experience and have never been truly "in love". I think your girl-friend is an idiot if she continues to sustain this one sided relationship. I think she should have sex w/other men and then call you and tell you all the hot details. She is either very young, or has extremely low self esteem to allow you to disrespect her and disregard her feelings.