Is it normal to constantly picture others while having sex with your gf?

[kalli]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. He recently told me that he's pictured other people when we hook up, quite a bit. After a few months of hooking up he was having problems staying hard and finishing and he said he started thinking about other people then so he could finish. Anyway, hes done it so much now that its become a habit for him and more often than not he is picturing other people when we hook up. I don't know if its normal for guys to do that or if it shows lack of interest in me? He said he primarily pictures a girl he had liked before me for 3 years and 2 of my best friends although there were others... I always thought we had a connection and he says there is and that he loves me but if he is thinking about and finishing to others while im all about us and what were doing does that mean the connections all in my head? Is it that he is just not sexually attracted to me so he has to picture others to finish? I guess my main question is this: Do most guys picture other girls when they are having sex with the person they want to be with? And is it concerning thats it mostly the same people that we both actually know and not celebrities or anything?

[lahnnabell]

It is not a reflection of his attraction to you. I picture various sexual scenarios all the time, most of them not involving myself or my boyfriend in anyway. *shrugs* I don't stress over it. Some of this is due to the fact that I picture scenarios involving sexual acts that we haven't tried together yet. I'm in no rush to get there; I like to take my time. The important thing is that I AM enjoying my boyfriend in reality.

[jessZ]

I don't know, but I'd have a lot of trouble knowing that my bf thought about my friends and his ex's whilst having sex with me... It was stupid of him to tell you that.

[qwertz]

woahhh, he actually told you this? I would NOT be happy knowing this and would probably end it, i couldnt be with a guy knowing he pictures other women while were at it.

[jessZ]

I think it's a problem that he is thinking about particular people. I think most people probably imagine 'scenarios' when they're having sex (maybe scenes from porn or something), but that's pretty different to thinking of particular people to get off. That'd feel like cheating to me.

[xxazurexx]

If I was picturing my ex in my mind and when having sex with a new partner, then I am obviously not over the ex. If I'm not over the ex, then I wouldn't be having sex with someone else.

But no I don't picture having sex with umpteen guys. Usually happy enough with the one I'm with and I'm with qwerty...any partner who told me he was imagining other women would be history.

And you hearing that kinda crap, is supposed to make you feel good about having sex with him. What a dickhead!! lol
How old is he? 14?

[Charlie Boy II]

I don't fantasise while I'm having sex. It's usually exciting enough for me without that. That he can't even come without fantasising is a bit of an issue. And I can't believe he told you that, let alone that kind of graphic detail. What an idiot.

[TheTooya]

If my girlfriend told that to me.... honestly that might be a deal breaker... I think its beyond insulting, and you should absolutely let him know that

[Gigabitch]

I think fantasizing about others is for masturbating. If he has to think about other people just to finish, he shouldn't be having sex with you. You deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with you.

[tiestotaku]

Hi, new here, but I can relate from the man's side...

When I'm in bed with my girlfriend of a year+, I almost have to imagine I'm with someone else for me to keep going. What sucks is that I really care for her as a person, she is one of the most fun and honest and good people that I know, and I believe that she would make a wonderful mother (if I was ready to have kids, but I'm only 23)

The kicker here is that I have lost pretty much all attraction to her. I've stayed with her for the reasons above and because I don't want to break her heart. I would never tell her that I imagine other women because I know it would hurt her. Hence why I signed up. =/

Your boyfriend actually told you this though: was he remorseful when he said so? Can you imagine the body language when he said so? If you're absolutely crazy about him, and you are completely and utterly sure that there could never be anyone better for you, then there are some radical solutions besides breaking up- but they probably won't appeal all that much to you. Like Gigabitch said, it might be the best to find someone who is attracted to you, you might actually be doing him a favor if he has some of the same inner conflicts that I'm having. Sorry.

[downinthedumps]

it must be catching... i typed the question in to google never really expected anyone else might be having the same problem as me!

My boyfriend and I are not exactly sexually active (not by choice, we are having life/relationship problems ... ) and during an argument this morning ( about the fact that we don't have sex any more ), he told me that the last time we had sex, he had to think about his ex in order to complete.

The confession really shocked me, and I know that some guys imagine pop or movie stars or think of porn; but his EX?! anyways, he explained that he couldn't see or imagine a sexy image of me, and that although he sees me beautiful, but he doesn't see me sexy (just to explain, I am 35 - and feel that the days of long boots, belt skirt and boobies out are definately in the past ... and I am more of a practical dresser and have stopped making an effort in my old age) as I don't generally 'sex it up', and therefore he has nothing to go on and he said that he felt that he was cheating on me - and i think what he is saying is backed up by what tiestotaku is saying as well.

We have a comfortable relationship, we are best friends, we care and love each other - but the attraction got lost some where and that he doesn't see me in a sexual way. I don't know if you saw the eposode of 'sex in the city' where Charlotte found her ex husband wanking over porn mags when he wouldn't have sex with her...

After talking it out, I am still bit upset and angry, but I know what the problem is, and why it happened. I don't know if I will have doubts in the future when we are in the sack. I know there is no way in hell that he wants to be back with his ex, so to answer your question, I don't think it correct to assume that he would want to be with someone else just because he is thinking about someone else, and since nothing has happened (e.g. he flirt or cheated on you with your friend), i think he won't try anything with them.

But do see if you can actually find out the 'why', as from there you can determine if the relationship is worth carrying on. Good Luck!

ps. Thanks tiestotaku, you have cleared up a few things for me.

[Mish]

I think a lot depends on longevity. It would be pretty silly to expect a partner of a relationship going on for a few years to never fantasize during sex. When things are new then sure. When monotony of years starts to set in then it's an unrealistic expectation.

He shouldn't have told you about this though. And you shouldn't have asked him.

[Kaius]

Shoot I would feel bad if I started fantasizing about another woman while having sex with my GF.
My GF's boobs are really perfect, so when I am taking too long to finish, I just make her ride me
and watch her boobs bounce. That works every time.

When I was married to my ex-wife, sex was so bad I had to think about my ex-GF from college.
Sex with the ex-GF was so hot....she would smother me with her naturally large mellons.
The thought would make me finish quickly so I could go to sleep.