So I had sex with my roommate...

[s0und0FF]

Hi everybody, this is my first post here. I'd really appreciate any advice you may have on the matter!

So, this guy and I have been friends since August of last year. I moved into a unit in his house last March. Every evening if we're both home, he makes dinner and we watch movies, strictly platonically.

BUT, On the 4th of July, I didn't have anyone to hang out with or anywhere to go for the holiday. He got invited to a bar, but since I couldn't go (I'm 20, he's 30) he decided not to either. Since neither of us were going anywhere, he opted to just eat dinner, drink some sake, and watch a couple movies, as usual. Thing is, there's been loads of sexual tension ever since I moved in. I hadn't been with anyone in a year, he hadn't for two years.

Soooo...a little sake turned into a lot of sake, he touched me and the rest is history. We had two hours of loud sex, then cleared off the dinner table and passed out in our respective beds.

The next morning, things were pretty much normal. We both agreed it wasn't a big deal, and if one of us starts dating, we'll still be friends but we'll just stop having sex with each other. So it's been a week and a half now, and we're both very, very happy with this plan of ours. But I just feel like I need to ask...What are some important things I should be discussing with him? Should there be more rules? Is it possible to have this kind of relationship without eventually "catching feelings" about him? Has anyone else ever done this?

Also, we have a lot of mutual friends and we may end up having to explain what's happening...how would we describe this kind of relationship?

[QueenofCorona]

[QUOTE=s0und0FF;608243] But I just feel like I need to ask...What are some important things I should be discussing with him? QUOTE]


Thats the thing. By this set up he doesn't owe you any answers or explanations. He's getting the perks of a relationship but without any strings attached. Be careful. I've never done something like that only because I've never seen it end well, someone ALWAYS gets attached. Protect your heart and keep a level head about what this really is. Its going to feel really bad when/if he comes home with another girl or he gets pissed at you and kicks you out for hanging with another guy.

Not trying to be Debbie Downer on you, just being real. I don't know him or you though, maybe its meant to be if you both have been single awhile and friends, who's to say it won't lead to more.

[Gigabitch]

^^^ What she said. I'm concerned that you're going to get shredded.

[xxazurexx]

One way to easily avoid it....STOP having sex with him.

There....SIMPLES

[xxazurexx]

What are some important things I should be discussing with him?

He's likely not interested in anything you have to say. You have no other arrangement other than to have sex.

He will be far more interested in when he's getting his next 'lay', than talking I would imagine.

[Kaius]

We men love free no-strings sex. It's much better than going to a prostitute because we save $300 each time, which we can spend on cool stuff like video games and gadgets.
We don't have to worry about feelings or attachment. Just quenching horny feelings without all the emotional bull crap. Also, we don't have to send flowers or buy dinners or
expensive gifts which are usually necessary to get sex. WOW!!!! ALL FOR FREE!!!!!!! YIPPEE!! It's like living in Disneyland and get all the rides and junk food for free!
How come I never get easy free snatch? Waaaaahhhh!!!

[IncognitoSir]

Just remember, he's not a bad guy if YOU catch feelings for him and he doesnt reciprocate. Both of you agreed to do this.

[l337acc]

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of the laissez-faire sleeping around patterns that plagues our society and most people wonder why "all the good ones are taken", and why I would never date a girl who has a male roommate, and pity the fool who does.

If you ever do get a boyfriend, I strongly suggest you do him a favor and relocate. For some reason I can see you f***ing your roommate before your boyfriend comes over to pick you up and takes you out on a date or is at work, working on building himself a future with you involved.

It didn't work out for Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld reference), and it probably isn't going to work with you guys either..

</rant>

[Cosmo]

She said they aren't having sex anymore... I think... Maybe my reading comprehension fails.


Either way, yeah, I wouldn't date a girl with a male roommate in a million years.

I've NEVER known a girl who hasn't boned her male roommate.

I would honestly relocate and just avoid this whole mess.

[xxazurexx]

She said they aren't having sex anymore... I think... Maybe my reading comprehension fails.

The next morning, things were pretty much normal. We both agreed it wasn't a big deal, and if one of us starts dating, we'll still be friends but we'll just stop having sex with each other.

Bolded implies that they will be having sex, until one of them starts to date.

[NBT]

What you two DID isn't a problem. The problem lies in the fact that you're already thinking about a "discussion" about it. Why?

You've already both made an agreement. You will continue to have sex, unless one of you starts dating someone else.

After that, you've agreed to stop the sex and keep the friendship. Right?

So why beat a dead horse and continue to talk about it? It just causes more stress and complications than necessary.

Be friends, have sex, GUARD YOUR HEART, and enjoy what's happening. Don't dwell on the "rules."

If you feel yourself getting attached and HE ISN'T, then STOP having sex with him and consider finding a new place to live.

[Mathias]

This, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of the laissez-faire sleeping around patterns that plagues our society and most people wonder why "all the good ones are taken", and why I would never date a girl who has a male roommate, and pity the fool who does.

If you ever do get a boyfriend, I strongly suggest you do him a favor and relocate. For some reason I can see you f***ing your roommate before your boyfriend comes over to pick you up and takes you out on a date or is at work, working on building himself a future with you involved.

It didn't work out for Jerry and Elaine (Seinfeld reference), and it probably isn't going to work with you guys either..

</rant>

Thanks for talking down to her. Now do you have any actual advice?

[vashti]

I've NEVER known a girl who hasn't boned her male roommate.

I had a male roommate I never slept with. Two, actually. But the first one I DID agree to sleep with, if neither of us were involved by the time we were 35, so we could have a baby. haha

[l337acc]

Thanks for talking down to her. Now do you have any actual advice?

Figure I would leave that up to you since you don't find what I had to say to be relevant...... Actually, I'm very interested to hear what your advice/opinion is --> other than focusing on me, of course.

[s0und0FF]

What you two DID isn't a problem. The problem lies in the fact that you're already thinking about a "discussion" about it. Why?

You've already both made an agreement. You will continue to have sex, unless one of you starts dating someone else.

Thank you for the actual advice! Most people here seem to be content just telling me what a slut I must be for doing what I'm doing. I guess I should just have faith that the arrangement we've agreed on will hold steady on his end as well as mine.