Best Friend's Girl

[19_James]

Hey all, just joined the site. It looks great, I was very impressed. However, I did come on here to ask for some advice. I am 19 years old, which I know may seem extremely young to many here, but my issue exists nonetheless. I go to college out of state and am back home for the summer. Thus, I'm hanging with all my old high school friends, who I truly believe are still my best friends. I literally spend every moment I'm not working (and I work a 40 hour week) with them. One of my best friends, let's call him Mark, has been dating this girl since last summer, so it's now a relationship that has lasted over a year. We always hang out at his house and he's genuinely one of the nicest guys you could meet. His girlfriend, who we'll call Kelsey, sure seems that way too. She, however, has always seen something in me and I the same to her and there's just some sort of unspoken attraction between us.
Well, the other night, that unspoken attraction became vocal. It was a Friday and Mark had work early Saturday so he couldn't go out. Kelsey, however, came out with me and we went to a kid's house for a small party. We do this all the time, there were no intentions on my part. I was actually interested in one of Kelsey's friends who came with us. Nonetheless, I drank some and so did Kelsey, and we both ended up deciding to just stay the night at this kid's house as he said he had a spare bed. Once again, it was no big deal. Well, when we both get in bed, Kelsey gets real close to me and we're cuddling, which, as weird as it may sound, really wasn't weird for us and just felt natural. She started talking about how much she was attracted to me. I suppose the whole conversation could be summed up by two quotes by her. "It's taking every ounce of willpower I have not to climb on top of you right now," and "If you and Mark weren't best friends, I would leave Mark for you." This all hit me pretty hard because I always saw them as the perfect couple. In the end though, nothing happened and I thought I handled it well.
Fast forward a few days. Through these last few days, Kelsey has been texting and talking to me all day every day, which is unusual. Once again, we go out and party, but this time Mark is with us. I'm the designated driver and I let everybody crash at my house after. Well, it's a house rule that the girls have to sleep upstairs so I took Kelsey upstairs after taking about 8 shotss as soon as I got home (I was sick of being the only sober one). Kelsey drank some, but wasn't too bad. I take her up and say goodnight and she asks if I could stay for a little while. To save the dirty details, I slept with Kelsey. It was a horrible decision that I now regret, and I did not initiate anything. I'm pretty sure it never would have happened, or I wouldn't have let it happen if I weren't so interested in her and liked her so much.
She ended up not telling Mark and we've kept it a secret. When I talked to her the next day to make sure she's on the pill etc. she seemed almost solely concerned about how I felt about the situation and if I was still alright with her and had no hard feelings. I of course said I didn't. Now a week later, she still talks to me all the time and wants to hang out just me and her. i did so yesterday and it was sufficiently awkward, as she wanted to watch a movie in her house with me and her parents weren't there. No worries though, I kept my distance, which is one of the things that made it awkward. I guess after this whole story, my question is, should I stop hanging out with them altogether? I really don't want to lose Mark as a friend, but i really do like Kelsey. Or should I just stop hanging out with Kelsey alone? Do I need to talk to her about all of this? In general, I can't talk to my friends about this obviously, so I have taken refuge in the anonymity of the internet and implore your advice. Sorry for the long read, and I appreciate any input.

[IncognitoSir]

Well let me begin by informing you, that you are the worst kind of person, that is, a backstabbing friend. I cant begin to tell you how ****ED up this situation is. You don't wanna lose mark as a friend, but you "like" kelsey a lot? Are you ****ing kidding me. Although you're only 19, since you're in college I'll assume you're a bit more on the intelligent side of life. You dont deserve mark as a friend. You say you didnt initiate anything huh? Yet, you did by staying upstairs with your best friends girl. Dont try to dodge any of the blame here, both you and her share the "heavy" consequences of a cheater. Except you, you have it twice as bad, you're supposed to be the best friend, chicks come and chicks go, your actions are going to haunt mark for a very very long time. So far you have made horrible decisions for yourself and your friendship with mark. That dirty little secret between you and her needs to make its way to mark, so he can break up with her and find a new best friend. That should be your first priority. I'll never understand why anyone would wanna date a person who they aid in cheating on someone else. Clearly if she'll stoop as low to cheat on her bf of over a year with his best ****ing friend, she'll also cheat on you in ehhh let's say next summer maybe. Please do yourself and society a favor and use college life to develop into a decent person.

[19_James]

Believe me, I'm not dodging any blame. I know what I did was horrible and probably deserve to be berated, but have you never had a drink of alcohol? I was very drunk. It was a bad decision obviously, but i would like some advice on a personal level moving forward. Yeah, I;m an idiot, but i'd like to stop making mistakes while I can

[IncognitoSir]

I'm 25, 26 in September, been thru college life and all that yada yada. I've drank myself to near alcohol poisoning levels several times before (around your age). You think alcohol played the major role in what you did? Nope. It just gave you the excuse to do what you were already contemplating on doing. I'd say 70 or 80 percent of the time cheating stories start off with, "man we were drinking and I had a few too many and one thing led to another and..........(fill in the ****ed up blank)". Like I said, your devotion should be to Mark and only mark. You have betrayed this guy beyond belief. You need to tell him the truth, not doing that is a mistake. You also need to cut ALL ties with this chick, she really is poison! Look at the trouble she's caused. She helped you betray your friend in the worst way. You need to focus on getting things right with Mark and focus on building better character. Dont use alcohol as an excuse either.........this is why the drinking age is 21.

[19_James]

Ok, I respect that opinion. Thank you for the advice. I'm not sure if I'll take that advice, but thanks for reading and the input. I do understand that my emotions are taking me for a loop right now so I'm probably not thinking as logically as i will be in about a year when this will most likely have blown over, however that may occur. But yes, if you notice, all my questions relate to Mark and how best to respect him going forward. He is my first priority and the one friend I'm focused on keeping

[IncognitoSir]

Awesome, now keep a close eye on this thread because there will be several more suggestions like mine to follow.

[Gigabitch]

You knew the situation with Kelsey before you had all those shots. Being drunk is no excuse. You got that drunk on purpose, knowing what was likely to happen. Look, James, some things are just against the rules. You don't get into the same bed as your friend's girlfriend. You don't get hammered drunk and go anywhere near her. You just don't.

Well, you did. You broke the rules.

Mark probably deserves better than either one of you. I hope he finds out what you did and never speaks to either one of you again.

[Kagerou]

Tell your friend, sit them BOTH down together and explain everything to him. Yes it's going to hurt him but he needs to know.

+ Exactly what gigabitch said

Mark probably deserves better than either one of you. I hope he finds out what you did and never speaks to either one of you again.

[19_James]

Hehe, alright. I had all this coming. I'm really not an asshole though guys. I promise. And she's not the devil, I promise you that as well. I did fail to mention in my initial post that when I talked to her the next morning, the first thing i said to her was "Never again." I told her straight up that that was a mistake and that it would not happen again, nothing even close to it. To be honest, telling Mark never even entered my mind. I thought of not hanging out with them anymore, but telling him would ruin that relationship. If you don't mind me asking, why do you guys feel like he should know? I suppose I've always been one to believe that ignorance is bliss. I guess i just don't see any positives coming out of telling him.

[vashti]

I think it is pretty obvious you regret what you did, and in case you didn't do enough kicking yourself, incognito surely helped.

But as to your actual question - I don't think you should hang out with that girl ever again, with or without her boyfriend. Don't talk to her on the phone, or text her, or have her on your facebook - no contact at all. If your friend finds out what has happened, he will likely not be able to forgive you, and that will be your punishment. Some lessons are best learned the hard way.

[Kagerou]

The positive of telling him is so he can get rid of that cheating girl AND he loses a shitty backstabbing friend.

[19_James]

Those both seem like negatives to me, I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from and that you see me as the villain, but neither of those help me in the slightest. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I really do value both these friendships

[Gigabitch]

James, it's not telling him that would ruin the friendship. It's the fact that you had sex with his girlfriend and are now keeping it from him. As far as he knows, nothing is wrong, but you've betrayed him terribly. I think you should confess and throw yourself on his mercy. Maybe he'll forgive you, in which case your friendship can survive, but right now, you have a friendship based on lies and deception. That's not right.

[IncognitoSir]

Those both seem like negatives to me, I'm sorry. I understand where you're coming from and that you see me as the villain, but neither of those help me in the slightest. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I really do value both these friendships

You do realize that once you start denying this chick what she wants from you (attention) she's gonna turn on you like a vicious dog. It may bee the end of the summer, it may be 2 months from now. She'll tell mark herself and then what? Then Mark will definatly end the friendship, for good. She'll be loooong gone as well.

[Kagerou]

You are being very selfish by not telling him, who cares what happens to you? You brought this on yourself, Mark deserves to know what happened.