GF Cheated for 2-3 months...

[pringlej]

Hey all,

Need some advice.

I met a girl (GF B) a couple of years ago (during Xmas) through some good friends a few months after I split up with my GF then (GF A). Me and GF A had been going out for almost 5 years and were living together. She dumped me, and the day after I found out that she had cheated. She had kissed another guy, and realised that we didn't really have that spark anymore so she left.

Anyway with this new girl on the scene (GF B), we weren't attracted to each other when we met, and we would just be at friends drinking together. She had a BF then which she was going to dump, but apparently he had a few issues where he would say he would jump out of the window if she dumped him.

GF B was from up North, so its a plane ride away or a good 10 hours commute on the bus. So she hardly ever saw this BF of hers. They saw eachother about 2 months in a year. Anyway, she had cheated on him in a club before by kissing a random stranger in a club, and when we were drunk we kissed a few times. She eventually dumped him when he agreed to meet up one day.

Anyway, I was planning on moving to Australia at the time we met and was going to leave in a month. So I left, and we kept in touch and she came out to visit me, and I went on holiday with her a few times as well. So effectively after 6 months of meeting eachother we were going out. Although it was an EXTREMELY long distance relationship.

8 months in Australia and a lot of flying around after. I moved back to the UK, and lived about 10 hours drive from her. We would see each other around 2 weeks every 2 months. I was so scared to get hurt, and GF B knew that cheating would be the worse thing that she could do to me and that would be the one thing she could do to break us. Anyway, so I was back in the UK in September, and everything seemed fine. There were times where she wasn't very happy because of problems at home where I would try to cheer her up. She started going surfing with some friends and did some group weekend trip to the zoo as well. Which was fine by me, and I was happy she was getting into a sport.

I spent my Xmas at hers, with her and her family (as she still lives at home) and met a few more of her friends as well. One guy (Guy A), actually sent her a text saying that he thought I was a good guy after we met one night. Anyway a few months later, a friend of hers hinted to me that she had done something. So I asked her if she was hiding something when we spoke on the phone. She constantly denied and said she didnt know what I was talking about. I refused to talk to her until she would tell me. 5 days later she said that there was only 1 thing that she was hiding. She told me that she had cheated, when I asked who with she told me some random guys name and lied about it. I needed some time to think, so after a few days, I asked for the guys email so I could ask him a few things. She then told me it was actually Guy A. So I got furious as Guy A was one of the guys she went surfing with. So I got some more info off her such as why she did it, in which she answered that she was greedy and he tried it on her and she figured "whynot?". Then after about 2-3 months of cheating, she realised what I meant to her so broke it off with Guy A.

I spoke to Guy A, and he actually never knew that we were going out. Guy A thought that we had broken up (as we did have an argument, and we were on a break for a week), so figured he would move in on her. Guy A actually got hurt as well. When Guy A found out that GF B was coming back to me after 2-3 months (although we got back a long time ago), he asked why as she had what she was looking for right there (him).

Anyway, so when I found out. She was very apologetic and wanted to stay together. I kept on saying no, and eventually just took her back as she said she changed once she realised and even got a tattoo of my initial whilst we were apart. That happened 4 months ago. Then 2 months ago, we broke up again, as I couldnt stop thinking about it. I don't trust her anymore. I don't know if what she tells me is true and I found it very difficult to cope with whatever she was telling me. She even lied to me once of where she was, and 2 hours later told me where she really was. It just makes me go crazy.

As she's been on summer holiday from Uni, she spent 5 weeks with me. Then she went back home and I went up to visit her. Which was enjoyable. But, it doesn't stop me from thinking about what happened.

I just don't understand how someone can tell someone else that they love them everyday, then sleep with some other guy for 2-3 months.

Anyway, we broke up last night. Because even after 2 months...I spent 90% of the time being happy, and 10% of the time just thinking wtf...and thinking how can someone do this. I just couldn't handle it.

Any advice on what I can do to move on? I am so addicted to her and I fancy her so much. But I know that someone that's done that to you, just doesn't deserve any time.

What are your views?

[Gigabitch]

She clearly needs daily maintenance. I would only trust this girl if you lived with her and could provide the tons and tons of attention she craves. Since that's not your situation, I think you might want to think about ending this for your own good.

[pringlej]

Hey,

Yeh, I realise it's for my own good hence the previous attempt and what happened yesterday as well.

It's just that it's hard to deal with an addiction...

[Gigabitch]

Is there a 12-step program for Sad Boyfriends Anonymous?

[pringlej]

lol wish there was. or even a rehab centre

[hello1]

Hopefully she has learnt something from this relationship. Not to cheat or you lose the person who you really care about. I noticed the faithful girls find guys who cheat and its the same the other way round too! not fair

[pringlej]

yup. stupid but true. still determined to find someone that doesn't cheat tho.

I think I just need to find someone with morals, principals and maturity.

[cmacattack1]

You just have to have the backbone to stick with it once you do. It hurts, it sucks, you can't handle seeing them so upset, but you know that if you take them back immediately nothing will change. It takes time for change to truly happen, to truly think about it without the lonely and desperation you get when you are broken up, and to actually practice it in your every day life. When they say they've changed, all they have proven is that they haven't changed. If they did, it would be noticeable. They wouldn't try and throw it in your face.

When she felt sorry about cheating, I think she only felt sorry she got caught. That's why you had to pry it out of her and all she did was lie, lie, lie and deny, deny, deny at first. You have to really take a look at somebody and their actions: she cheated on her last boyfriend with you and another guy when he lived far away. You lived far away, why wouldn't the same happen to you? So she cheated because she was unhappy? That's what people do when they are too afraid to be honest and can't handle herself. No excuse there and it's a sign of immaturity.

So she got a tattoo of your initials to prove to you how much she cared. Like I said before, it doesn't prove anything. This, you know now.

As the replies mentioned before, she doesn't seem to be at the right point in her life to have an advanced relationship that you want. She has these needs and she wants them met now, something you aren't in the position to fulfill no matter how much you call and all that. If you want something with more substance, you are going to have to look elsewhere.

[pringlej]

appreciate the feedback cmacattack1.

I think she has changed...but now its down to me...

I think i have too much pride in myself to continue a relationship where I have been cheated on now.

It's just ashame as we were talking about marriage once she had graduated - a year from now...