How do you know you are in love? How do you know if your mate feels the same way?

[Take2]

I am having a hard time trusting my instincts, since my divorce. Anyone have any words of wisdom for me?

[Boisdevie]

GO with your feelings - it's the only thing you can do. And expect to get it wrong sometimes. When my 8yr relationship finished my first girlfriend turned out to be a real bunny boiler - but at least the wild sex was cathartic!
Good luck

[Applesauce]

why did you get a divorce?

[Take2]

LOL, I am not worried this guy is insane. He is an incredible guy. I am more worried because everythng I read says that I am quite likely to THINK I have found this perfect love and then realize it was just transitional romance down the road. I can't fathom how I could be so thoroughly fooled about my own feelings. But here I am, feeling like this is so perfect. And I don't want to hurt this awesome man.

[Take2]

Applesauce, that is, of course, a complex question. I guess the simplest answer is that the ex and I agreed that our relationship had fallen apart. We both agreed that during some pretty stressful times we neglected our love and we became friends more than a married couple. My answer to that realization was to look for ways to mend what we had broken, to rebuild our love. His answer was to cut our losses. I had to acknowledge that without his help, it could not be repaired. We are better friends now than we were before the split. Our children are calmer and happier. I still hate having been forced to take the easy road, as I never, ever give up on anything. But I must acknowledge that the easy road does feel nicer in this case. And we have had the least rancor and heartache in a divorce that I have ever witnessed. But how is that relevant?

[Applesauce]

you know you're in love when the person you're with inspires you to become a better person and the boundaries of your romantic feelings transcend what you have felt before

[Take2]

And how do you know how much of that is the relief of being out of a bad relationship and how good it feels just to be loved and how much of it is true and sincere love?

[girl68]

do your feelings now compare to when you first fell in love with your husband? I don't think your previous love was insincere (by the way you describe) instead you made a mistake that let the love fade. I do believe that all love with fade away if not effort is put forth especially in the later years.

[Jman39]

i always say it takes time to truley love someone... no i dont believe in love at first sight...

Most of the time, you "think" you are in love, but its just ur happy endorphins in ur brain pouring out, usually in the beginning, when everything is perfect and so romantic...

truley loving someone to ME is, being able to over come fights, willing to sacrifice, knowing how to stand ur ground, knowing HOW to grow as an INDIVIDUAL, and growing TOGETHER at the same time...

If the man you are with makes you feel like you are fully satisfied, then you can be happy with him and without him, really shows that ur in love, in a mature fashion...

[Take2]

Yeah, by the time I had been with my ex 3 months, we were practically living together, looking at baby name books. We went too fast and fooled ourselves that we weren't because we dated 2 years before we got married, but really we had already made that commitment from practically the start. Our finances were comingled by the time we had been together 6 months. The wedding made it official, but we had been acting married for a looong time. And I got sucked into letting him be too much of my life, more and more as time went on.

I like this guy a lot and if this isn't love yet, it certainly could develop into it. And I am enjoying the more natural pace and progression of this relationship.

I agree, JMan, it is probably too early to say because it still feels new and giddy. I guess I just need to be patient and see how things develop, but patience has never been my forte.

[Confused81]

I think it depends alot on how long you have been together, how long you have known this guy and how long ago you and your ex split up??

[Applesauce]

Take2 says:

"And how do you know how much of that is the relief of being out of a bad relationship and how good it feels just to be loved and how much of it is true and sincere love?"

as you grow wiser, you are able to reflect on your past relationships and discern between "love" and being "in love"

[Mish]

And how do you know how much of that is the relief of being out of a bad relationship and how good it feels just to be loved and how much of it is true and sincere love?

Ussually after a brief period of time. Once after a couple of months of being with this new person you start to feel sudden irritation and frustration then you'll know it was just a re-bound and temporary relief. Genuine feelings on the other hand will be resilient and mutually rewarding, that's how you know it's real.

Don't give up on your instincts yet, you'll need them.

[Take2]

I am not giving up on my instincts forever, I am just giving them some time to recover .

I really think this may be a real and lasting thing, but I need to take it slow because it will take me time to be sure.

[Take2]

OK. so I thought about it a lot and decided that by any definition I can find, I do really love this guy. He is amazing, I am happy to have him in my life, no amount of time with him makes me want to see him less, he inspires me to be a better person. Sure, only time will tell if it's the sort of love that can last, but I am hopeful.

I feel so lucky to have found such a great guy.