Should I Give My Ex Space

[alopez6411]

I recently went through a horrible break up over something I did not do. It's going to sound like bullshit but hear me out. I was in another city on a job related detail assignment. Became close friends with a co-worker. The guy was engaged. On our first night out there, he meets a girl and asks if he could use my phone to get her number, since he and his fiancee shared the same account and she had access to his bill. Like a dumbass I agree. Long story short he did his thing and female had no clue the guy was engaged. He always used my phone and I would let him have the phone overnight because we were neighbors at the same hotel. Well a week before we were all going home he had me text her and tell her that he was gone and that this was my phone. I did, but to secure that she wouldn't keep calling I told her the truth and told her not to call. She was furious. I finally come home. My GF of 5 years hacks my phone account and sees phone record. While intoxicated, she calls the girl and tells her she's my GF. The girl says I'm sorry I didn't know, tells her she isn't getting involved and to never call her again. I'm automatically presumed guilty. GF won't believe me. I had the guy call her and tell her it was all him. She won't buy. By now she thinks I convinced everyone, including the other girl, to lie for me. I told her she should have just asked me and confronted me on the spot. But since she did not I have no other options. She wants me out of her life forever. I can't quit especially since I did nothing. She's the type that one strike and there's no comming back. My friends tell me to give her time and space or to just move on since she doesn't even trust me. I don't even know if I want her back but I can't go down with her thinking I betrayed her because she's the love of my life. What should I do? Please help.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Back off from her completely. You have to let her remember all the good things you did and start wanting that back. Once she's cooled off, she will realize that she acted very quickly and will probably want to hear your side. This won't happen if you keep badgering her, she'll just think you're trying to weasel your way back in. Don't initiate any contact with her.

[confused&single]

She's pissed and hurt. If you found that on her phone I'm sure you'd feel similarly and would have a really hard time believing that something like what you just portrayed actually occurred. If it were me...I'd be reacting the same way. My advice, if she's worth it, give her time and space to think and clear her head. I mean it wouldn't hurt to on the occasion to text her or call to see how she's doing. But for the time being, let her deal with it on her own. She 'll decide based on your guys' past and your personality, whether or not she can trust that what you've said is the truth or not. Good luck..and next time don't help someone cheat, clearly it ends poorly and makes you look just as bad.

[alopez6411]

Thank you. I understand what you're saying. I should give her time and space. The problem are her friends. They are the type to introduce her to someone new immediately. She's attractive, great personality, extremely sucssesful and confident. I know there has been people cheering for this to happen. These are the people giving her "advice". I'm afraid the more time I give her the easier it might be for someone to sweep her off her feet. I truly love her and can't lose her for something I didn't do. I know....quit sobbing and grow a backbone dude. I'm just full of conflicting emotions, sad, depressed, angry, enraged, etc. Thanks for all the help.

[confused&single]

Well the next question you have to ask yourself is "Do I really want to be with someone that is so easily swayed by what her friends think?". At the end of the day it's her life, if it's worth it to her she should trust herself and not what her friends say. With that said, sometimes your friends and family see things that we are to blinded by love to see. If you do try to win her back by doing some grand gesture you better be able to back it up. Don't just say or do something just to win her back now...say or do something that you can constantly keep upholding. That was one of my biggest complaints from my ex. He'd say he'd change or do things better and sometimes he would but a lot of times it'd only last a few weeks, then he'd be back to doing whatever it was that was bugging me before hand. Point being, evaluate the situation before you make grand promises and make sure she's really worth the fight and any changes you may promise.