I am so worried! PLEASE HELP

[confusedman12]

So after having dated two girls for a while,I hit a point where the thought of not being with one of them became emotionally overwhelming for me. So, I committed to that girl and asked her to be my girlfriend. She seemed happy, excited, and relieved, as she had been wanting that commitment for some time. I previously told her it takes me a long time to be ready for the boyfriend-girlfriend thing; I said I really need to know that the girl is super important to me and that I really really like her. I was implying to her that I need to know that I could love the girl. This is true for me. So, we were both happy with the title change and the commitment.

I had been having thoughts that I love her, and almost let it slip out on accident a couple of times. A week later I felt so happy with our relationship, our title, and felt we're very strong together. I told her this and she said she felt the same. She said she was really happy. And she had been devoting so much time to see me. I felt like I loved her and it seemed like she was feeling similarly. So I told her that it had almost slipped out so I just wanted to come out and say...I did. But then, she didn't say it back, and said that she really liked me but that saying that is a major ordeal to her. She said that it is a huge step for her...and that she just may not be ready. She said that the way becoming boyfriend-girlfriend is a major step for me more than most people, that saying I love you is like that for her. She said she's never said it to anyone who is not family. I felt so embarrassed, felt bad, and felt really sad. We've been seeing each other for just over 5 months. I told her that I just wanted her to know that I didn't just like her as I did in the first few months, but that I felt stronger about her now. I told her I was still happy with our relationship and I didn't want this to affect it badly at all. She said she didn't think it would and that she doesn't like me any less. She was still affectionate and sweet to me.

I thought about it a lot that night. I realized that I had the "I love you" thought slip into my mind twice but didn't really put the time into to thinking about it and making sure that's how I felt. I didn't think about it in terms of how serious it really is. I felt embarrassed and mad at my self that I didn't put more thought into it (consider the consequences and the seriousness) and that I made that decision without putting any real time into thinking about it. I told her that I was embarrassed and that I should have thought about it more and considered how big it really is. She said I was worrying about it too much. She said I could take it back if I wanted. I said that I didn't want to take it back because the thought did come into my head, but that I just wanted to think about it more. She reassured me that I was worrying too much and that it shouldn't change anything.

Now, I feel worried, dumb, and sad. I can't help but constantly worry that I have affected our relationship. That I may have changed the dynamics. When she has more time to think about it, will she feel overwhelmed? creeped-out? Maybe she'll just become less interested now. Have I taken away the magic? We'll she ever say it to me? Should I ever say it again? I'm so WORRIED. I really care about her and wish I could go back in time. I'm upset while typing this - please help. Thank you so much.

[ShellyZ]

You're worrying about it too much. It doesn't sound like you ruined anything and I doubt the dynamics of your relationship are going to change because of this. Just let it go and move forward. She probably will say it to you eventually. You don't need to go back in time, you didn't do anything wrong.

[wolfie91]

No, I don't think you ruined anything. Just the opposite, in fact. Telling her what was going on, straight out, gives her time to think about it and process what's going on. It's scary for you, because now you are in a position where you feel powerless and as though you might have royally screwed up, but it's got to be a relief for her: now she knows exactly where you stand and can make her move from there. You haven't done anything wrong, and it sounds like you have a great thing going with this girl!