Break up for college opportunity, or stay with him?

[OmShanti]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years. We've had a bumpy relationship, but we've (sort of) worked it out.

I currently have no job, and prospects are not looking good, San Diego's job market sucks. I go to school full time (pre-nursing right now, so it's all upper level science) and I honestly can't have a job while I'm going to school because my classes are HARD. I've been living off of unemployment, but that will run out in a few months. I am only qualified for entry level positions or working with kids, both employment options do't pay much so I'd barely cover gas. My mom helps me out a lot so that I can live on my own and go to school. My boyfriend also helps out, but we live in a giant house with roomates that he sublets out to, so he's barely got any rent to pay.

My mom is moving to Portland at the beginning of summer, and she wants me to go with her. We're really close (she was a single mom, my dad isn;t in the picture), and never been apart from each other. She's an experienced director of nursing and already has multiple job offers up there. If she worked at one of the nursing schools (which she wants to do) I'd get a.) priority admission b.) lowered admission fees. Which is good, because I'm paying for college myself. Where I am currently located, there arn't really great options for nursing school....none of them offer masters programs, and I want to be a Nurse Practitioner (which requires a master) and an infectious disease specialist (offered in Oregon).

I don't know how I could support myself if I stayed with my boyfriend, and I'm not really sure that being with him would be the best for my career path.

He smokes alot of weed. And then drives my car and leaves it in my car. Then when I drive my car, if I get pulled over and get a possession charge, I will NEVER be able to become a licensed nurse. I won't pass a department of justice background check. I refuse to smoke/ingest any of that crap, but everyone else in the house does.

And this was the game changer for me. Last summer, I found out that I was 14 weeks pregnant and having a complete miscarriage, and probably needed to go into surgery because I was hemorrhaging pretty bad (I ended up avoiding surgery, but lost so much blood I was admitted to the hospital). When I told him, he said oh that sucks and I'm sorry, then went to a concert (that he's seen for the last 5 years in a row) with his best girlie friend and left me at my moms house. Alone. And to this day, he sees nothing wrong with that.

He also doesn't have a car, and will spend $60 a week on weed, but not save up for a car. So I'm like his chauffeur. And from me constantly having to drive EVERYWHERE, my poor car is starting to have serious mechanical issues (which my poor mother is paying for until I can pay her back, or make it up to her by cleaning her house)

Despite his shortcomings and being inconsiderate, we get along like 2 peas in a pod. I've never been with someone that can make me laugh as hard. We have tons of fun adventures, and we both like to get out and do new things.

I don't know what to do. I love him, but I'm worried from past happenings that if anything big happened to me, that he's leave me again. And I won't have my mom here this time.

And the opportunities for me in Oregon will be much better, with better schools and the lower cost of living so I might actually have a chance of supporting myself.

Should I stay with him or go with my mom? I don't know.

[violingirl]

Your answer is plain and simple...MOVE. Move far, far away and don't look back.

[Corgan]

Move with your mom. Think about your future. IF he loves you, then he'd be willing to stay in a LDR with you, or perhaps you guys can meet up again in the future when you are both ready. Otherwise...think about YOUR future

[OmShanti]

think about YOUR future

That's the hardest thing for me to do :/ but I need to start making decisions for myself, not for the sake of not hurting other peoples feelings.

Thanks guys...

[smackie9]

Just because you get along means jack s hit. You are not in high school anymore and it's time to grow up and think about your future. You really need to do this for YOU. The more you secure your future the better chance of meeting a man that IS a man with ambition, priorities and goals.

[OmShanti]

The more you secure your future the better chance of meeting a man that IS a man with ambition, priorities and goals.

I agree....I need to meet someone that is at my intellectual level. It's frustrating not being able to talk about things that I learned in 100 classes with him because he doesn't get it.

And I've heard that there's lots of those types of guy in Portland! Thanks!

[surfhb]

The logical thing would be to move but that's not life.

I agree if the guy loves you, he will move as well and see what this opportunity means for you

The weed thing in the car is complete BS....have you ****ed his shit up over it??!!

You are #1 so use that to help with your answer

Crangratulation on a job well done too!!!!

[smackie9]

I agree....I need to meet someone that is at my intellectual level. It's frustrating not being able to talk about things that I learned in 100 classes with him because he doesn't get it.

And I've heard that there's lots of those types of guy in Portland! Thanks!

I just LOVE Portland. Everyone is so nice and friendly....no attitude. It's truly a beautiful place as well. Plus when you are around motivated like mined people like yourself, you will excel with success

[IndiReloaded]

You've already correctly identified you need to move on from him. School is a perfect opportunity. Go for it!

[surfhb]

I'll go as far as to say ....NOT MOVING would be the biggest mistake of your life at this point.

[MerryH]

Another vote for "move." Go, go, go! I've heard Portland is wonderful. Don't pass it up.

Also, please handle that weed situation. That is straight unacceptable that he leaves it in your car. That's really stupid and disrespectful of him. Don't lend him your car if he's going to leave weed in it. Seriously, put your foot down on that. I'm sure you're aware of this, but just to hammer it in and make you paranoid like a proper stoner, if you get pulled over and his stash is found, it's your ass. It won't matter if it's not yours, because you're in possession of it and that's illegal. It should make you very angry that he's putting you in that position. That's bullshit.

[hello1]

MOVE, no question about it! good luck in your future, exciting isn't it!

[OmShanti]

Thanks guys.

I had a gut feelings to get the **** away, but then I second guess myself.

NOW, the next question...how should I leave? All of my stuff is at his house. I have some kitchen stuff (slow cooker, blender), all of my clothes, my computer and printer, books....

Should I pack them and then talk to him, or talk to him and then pack them (that seems awkward). I don't think that he'd go nuts and ruin all of my stuff (typical passive stoner), but I just kinda want to get out of here.

I've never broken up with someone when we were in a LTR...I've always run within the first few months before my stuff has taken over his house.

[smackie9]

I doesn't matter how or when it's going to be awkward. Just make sure you tell him why you have to do it. It might be wise to have a few friends come in later to help you clear out fast.

[novocane]

Agree with everyone else here. You have the opportunity of a lifetime in front of you. You sound like a very intelligent young woman, step back and read your posts subjectively as if a friend were writing them, and then make your decision.

Get far far away from this guy, he will do nothing but bring you down.. I've seen it time and time again; women that are going places getting bogged down by lazy, inconsistent losers!

There are plenty of men out there, that are hard working, motivated and that would treat you right!!