So what's in the letter

[Horseyguy]

So I ended it with my GF on Sunday and I'm due to pick up some stuff from her at the weekend.

I asked her if she would like to talk or is she happy to just leave it as over and be done with it.

Her response was "I want to talk, but Saturday is too soon, I have written you a letter, read it and then decide if you still want to talk and if you do, when we have both calmed down that would be good"

So what could be in the letter that she couldn't tell me to my face when we broke up. And why after reading it might I not want to talk to her?

I don't get the letter until Saturday so I'm just curious to know what the ladies on here might think?

I'm edging towards she slept with someone else when we went through a bad patch in January but it might be something about me I don't know about. But if it is about me and that bad she can't tell me to my face, why would she still want the relationship to continue?

[Boisdevie]

You finished with her. So what does it matter what is in her letter?

[Horseyguy]

Well because I'm intrigued as to what it might be and unless you had a sudden sex change why are you responding anyway? If I wanted guys to answer I'd have stuck it in the ask a guy section don't ya funk?

[DarkHelmet82]

HG I sent you an email dude.. I think it will help you..

[sookie6]

I'm guessing some emotional rambling and reminiscing about your best times together...

She'll tell you again how much she's loved you and blablabla...posssibly ask you to remain friends.

[wolfie91]

All the stuff she couldn't say out loud.

Writing everything down allows us to be more exacting in what we say. At least for me, writing something down ensures that I am saying EXACTLY what I mean to say.

Alternatively, it could be because she isn't ready to have a real discussion with you. She may be looking to avoid an emotional confrontation because she wants to regain control of the situation (not in a manipulative way, just in the sense that she feels helpless, having just been broken up with).

-shrug-

Why'd you break up with her?

[Horseyguy]

All the stuff she couldn't say out loud.

Writing everything down allows us to be more exacting in what we say. At least for me, writing something down ensures that I am saying EXACTLY what I mean to say.

Alternatively, it could be because she isn't ready to have a real discussion with you. She may be looking to avoid an emotional confrontation because she wants to regain control of the situation (not in a manipulative way, just in the sense that she feels helpless, having just been broken up with).

-shrug-

Why'd you break up with her?

Yeah I tend to agree with that, my translation of her text "I want to talk, but Saturday is too soon, I have written you a letter, read it and then decide if you still want to talk and if you do, when we have both calmed down that would be good"

Was

No I don’t want to just leave it but I’m really upset and can’t deal with this right now. I’ve written you a letter explaining why I’ve been acting the way I have and after you have read it, if you want to talk about us that’s fine but back off for a while and then we will talk

And I ended it because I found history to a dating website on her laptop, she had a live profile and had accessed it the previous week. I caled her on it and she fessed up, said she was on there when we were going through a bad patch at the start of the year but hadn't been on there for a couple of months as things were getting better between us. She had gone on the week before I dumped her with a friend who was also on there to look at some of the guys who were interested in her mate. I believe that's true as the history only had the one day showing in the last month where it was accessed and it was only half a dozen pages so she hadn't been sitting on there all night looking at guys.

But the issue I had was that she committed to making this work back in February, started seeing me again but then carried on with the dating website up until late March / early April.

[sookie6]

Also the idea that someone creates a profile on a dating website the minute the relationship hits a bad patch is really off putting...and worrying...

[Horseyguy]

Also the idea that someone creates a profile on a dating website the minute the relationship hits a bad patch is really off putting...and worrying...

Yeah, tell me about it. that's the bit I'm having a real hard time getting past. Not the sort of thing you would do if you truly loved someone, mind you I can't wait to see how she justifies it

[sookie6]

Technicall you are broken up already...and based on my experience you can never go back on a brek up...you'll patch things up for a while maybe and then hit exactly the same problem...I guess you are young and attractive...

Don't waste your time, don't dwell on this and Move on...

[Horseyguy]

Well I was completely wrong

I read the letter and it all started with how I had always been the most loving and kind boyfriend and that she is really sorry that she hurt me and that she should have closed down the dating profile when things started getting better between us (SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE FFS)

And then when right off about how angry she was that I spoilt her birthday by finding out about it and if I hadn't we would still be together (WTF?)

And she then called me a hypocrite because someone asked me out for a coffee date a few months back and I turned them down because I was with her (I told her when it happened) and she said no-one approaches her at work so why did this person ask me out (how does that make me a hypocrit? there is a huge difference between me minding my own business and someone asking me out for a coffee and me saying no and her setting up a dating profile for 3 months and approaching guys and chatting to them!!)

Rest of the letter was telling me that she was giving me back the birthday presents I bought for her, but asked that i didn't give them to my next GF ... WTF and she wanted to keep the necklace and some other things (So basically she gave back the stuff she didn't want)

very bizarre

So I sent her a text asking if we could talk about this and she wouldn't, said she was too angry and would talk about it next week.

So I ended up telling her not to bother, wouldn't change anything as I didn't want to be with her anymore, I just wanted to clear up some of the issues she raised but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter

So no big confession ... nothing. Just trying to deflect the fact she went on the dating site by putting the blame on me for finding out and turning down someone for a coffee date ... bit piss weak really

[sookie6]

she didyou a favour by writing this letter. Nice and neat closure.

Go out and celebrate.