ex breaks NC after 18 days, not sure what to do next?

[motleylou]

Hey everyone, a long story short my ex girlfriend broke up with me 18 days ago after dating for 8 months and moving in for 2 month's. She texted me how she was proud of me that I got a new Job, this was after 18 days of NC and I believe she found out through facebook. I did text her back and this led to a hour and a half phone call.

Her reason for leaving was unclear and we discussed that and it was because she basically had a break down while living here and felt she was losing herself. She has struggled with depression in the past and I truly believe her that she had a melt down.

The convo then kinda went to a weird place, we talked about old times which loosened her up a bit. Then it seemed like she was trying to get a reaction out of me and told me that she was dating a celebrity and that he treats her great, blah, blah, blah but was joking the whole time. I think she expected me to get pissed I instead said oh really well I'm dating Kim Kardashian, and said that we have all these plans and she's great in bed.... We finished the convo by deciding that we would get together in a few days for lunch. I'm not sure how to take this phone call, it wasn't terrible but not what i wanted to hear either, and really don't feel like playing these head games of jealousy,my life's fine without you....I'd much rather prefer when we meet up to just get it all out there and see what happens?

My questions are do you think she was trying to make me jealous by telling me about her fake celeb relationship? Was she trying to figure out if I would get jealous, and because I counter acted it and played into the joke did I do the right thing? Should I go back to no contact until the meeting? Would a few funny joke around texts be a good idea? I do want her back or at least not burn the bridge and see what happens when we meet up. Any advice would be great,Thanks.

[DarkHelmet82]

i think the fact that she contact you is a good sign..

[motleylou]

I agree it shows that i'm still on her mind, i'm just not sure how to play out the meeting next weekend. I really don't want to play the games I know how to play them and think if you really love someone then no games should be needed. When I meet her would should i play the game and just not mention anything about us getting back together like it doesn't bother me either way? Or should I just explain my concerns and talk it out and get everything off my chest and then go home knowing I tried?

A little more info were both 24, she is a very stubborn girl, and I don't know if she will ever bring it up even if she does regret her decision. Because she'll feels that she looks weak in my eyes(she doesn't like to feel vulnerable she even told me this), because she called it off in a fairly embarrassing fashion(falling into depression and having a break down and losing herself).

I know i'm gonna have to be the one to bring the idea of us getting back together, and I don't mind i'm just no sure if basically I should get it all off my chest this time or just pretend like it doesn't bother me and maybe down the road she will come around? I just don't want to leave with unanswered questions and always think in the back of my mind "man if only we had talked about it maybe things could of been different?" Thanks again for all opinions.

[sookie6]

I don't understand why she 's dating someone now if she is experiencing bouts of depression...I thought the idea was that she gets herself together...

If I were you, as you seem decided to commit in a stable relationship I would lay it out to her very frankly and uncompromingly that thse are your expectations and see how she replies...

Don't be agressive about it or beg or look desperate. Be positive, smile and be a great company...but at the end of the convo if she is still undecided you should wish her good luck and leave (don't let it drag on for ages when you meet, make up something to do at a certain time and leave...okay maybe it's a bit of a gam too but se should know that you are not willing to wait..)

[motleylou]

Thanks for the reply sookie, i dunno if I wrote it wrong but she is not in a current relationship, her reason's for leaving were that she has to be home with people who have known her for her whole life(family and close friends). We live and hour apart. She has problems opening up to people, i'm guessing because of past boyfriends and a terrible father daughter relationship, but it all happened so quick and we had plans for the future and then on week WAM complete depression and never left the house or room for that matter. And then 5 days later told me that she needs to be home to get better. I said fine and was supportive.

I'm just now trying to figure out if this is someone that i want for down the road bc i am looking for a LTR and even though depression was a factor, I don't know how you can go one week saying your the most important person in my life(she really said that just 8 days before we split) to just up and leaving someone you supposedly love. I agree that my type of personality if I don't lay it on the line it will eat me up inside but as long as I give it my all then I will hold my head up high with no regrets and say it's her loss.

So if I get what your saying, I should in a polite cool calm collected way state my concerns about a future with her, buy also let her know that if we get back together I will be supportive and work through this with her because of her issues and tell her that I still do have feeling for her? I've been thinking a lot about how to say this and it's so hard to come off as not pushy or aggressive but also not be a complete pushover. I need to let her know that she can't up and leave again just because times are hard, because life's gonna throw a lot at you and running away doesn't solve anything. Thanks again for the responses bc this break up was really hard on me and was really weird because we got along GREAT and had future goals and plans and then in just one week after she found out about some terrible family news bang it's all over. It wasn't the normal fighting and both of you realize it's just not working out, we never had that stage of not getting along good.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should cancel the lunch on her. Don't make it so easy for her to just waltz back into your life. Text her and tell her that you don't think it's a good idea to hang out as friends, and you only want to see her if she wants to get back together. Then return to NC.

[motleylou]

I know where your coming from BUOGS but I really don't want to even play that whole game of I cancel and then she somehow wants me more,to me at 24 y/o it seems ridiculous and if that's the way I win her back then I feel like it would just fall apart again in no time. I want to just sit down like 2 normal people and talk about what we had/have and then decide if we can work through this or if it's too much for her right now. Again I dunno if that's even possible, but I don't feel like winning her back that way would work out in the long term, and in the end that's what I'm looking for. Anyone else have any thoughts? Much appreciated.