confused about my own feelings

[isthis]

hi,

i have know this girl for about 6 months now, and i remember finding her rather cute (though not off-the-chart pretty) the first time i saw her. we have since met on several occasions, primarily at friends' parties, where we didn't really get the chance to talk much, though i have been observing her all this time. then came one day some 2-3 months ago, when something happened and i suddenly found her pretty and attractive, and i realised that i do desire in her more than friendship. i think i may come across as rather superficial, but some people call this the 'turning point', when your feelings for someone get elevated to another realm.

anyhow, that infatuation (which i believe it was) persisted for some days, and i found myself thinking of her day and night. acting on that, i asked her out one-on-one for a few times after that, and about 5 weeks ago i asked her to go steady with me, to which she agreed. the problem is that, after these 5 weeks of seeing each other and hanging out and so on, i realised that the physical attraction that i initially had towards her is not as great as i had imagined. at times, i would really long for her; at others, it just feels very plain, like how you feel towards a normal friend. it makes me feel rather guilty, getting a girl into a relationship when my own feelings are not even certain. but then again, i also know that i didn't start out with selfish intentions, and i think that, love, like other feelings, can be nurtured, given the time and right circumstances. i feel that 2 of the reasons why that feeling of attraction has been so elusive are: firstly, i do not find her pretty all the time, so sometimes she comes across as very average (again, that superficial subconscious in me); secondly, i still have not built up enough rapport with her, and because of that, i feel we are still short on chemistry.

i would like to hear from anyone, what can i do in such a situation? is it advisable that i discuss this with her? thanks for any discussion!

[bulrush]

Maybe go on 2-3 more dates with her, and get to know her. If you don't get sparks after that, move on. Sound reasonable?

[stevengerrard]

I personally think you should go and talk to her about it. If she doesn't agree, you can still be friends

[isthis]

We have been dating close to 30 times in the last few weeks since we got attached, meeting up for activities like meals, movies, etc at least 3-4 times a week. unfortunately, the sparks are not flying most of the time. I am thinking I will give it some more time, and if things are still not looking any better, then I guess I seriously have to think about whether I want to be in this for the long term.

I have thought about talking to her, but this early on in the relationship, it might hurt her, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

[bigdaddy863]

Yeah but if you dont talk to her now and wait till later it might hurt a little now but latter she might have a lote more into the relationship and it might crush her , i would talk to her now and lay everything on the table.

[JadenMia]

I have thought about talking to her, but this early on in the relationship, it might hurt her, and that’s the last thing I want to do.

Nope, you are very wrong. Telling her earlier will save alot of pain for her, leaving it longer might just hurt her more. Her feelings may grow for you and she may become more attatched to you than she already is. You definitely should just tell her how you feel now. I have felt this way before... And it is so confusing. But if you dont feel the spark now, then can you imagine what it will feel like later on in the relationship?

Talk to her and figure what you both want and go from there.

[Horseyguy]

I agree, do the right thing and tell the poor girl now otherwise you will hurt her much worse in the long run