To be or not to be friends?

[JMan]

Hi All,

My current situation is, I have been living out of home sharing accommodation with a girl, her mother, and her boyfriend for about 2 years now. She recently broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years and is now single. I used to be great mates with both her and her boyfriend, going to parties and movies together occassionally (me being the third wheel :/ ).

My friendship with the boyfriend has kind of deminished since he is no longer living here, but I'm still getting along really well with the girl. We have the same sense of humor, laugh at each others jokes all the time and just are really relaxed and chilled around each other. I've gone out shopping for new clothes with her (which I think was a mistake now that I think about it) but yer, I've always kind of had a thing for her.

I can see I am deep in the friend zone and I'm trying to get out. I've started doing some things I googled to help get out of the friend zone e.g. not seeing her as much, talk about other girls when she starts talking about other guys, being a bit more of a dick, not being so quick to reply to messages and phone calls, and doing things for me like hobbies, studying, working out and eating healthier.

Just today she said to me jokingly "Yeah, you know about everything I do at home, things like, being out of make, being sick, hungover etc. so even if we meet up sometime in the future, there is no way you like be attracted to me haha!" That kind of hit home and made me realise I may be totally wasting my time trying to get her to like me like a potential boyfriend.

Its been about a month since she broke up with her boyfriend and she has started smoking with friends a lot more to chill out (which I make fun of her for all the time) and she is pretty much going to slut around with random one nighters for a while to rebound from the relationship. Even though they aren't things that I find particularly attractive, I still like her coz I know who she really is...

My next plan is to start going out with heaps of other girls and telling her about them (jealousy, hopefully).

Am I wasting my time? Should i just move on to other girls and just accept the friendship with nothing more?

Cheers,

Jay

[ConniptionFit]

Girls who aren't into you aren't going to suddenly be into you if you start playing a bunch of messed up games. Putting the moves on her is the only way to know if she is into you or not. If she gives you the "don't want to mess up the friendship" line, she's not into you and never will be.

[devonbrown]

Screw the games. Don't mess around with people like that. If you want to be more than friends with her, tell her and see how she reacts. But trying different "strategies" to try to make her like you are not going to work and in reality are a bit pathetic.
Mature a little, and if you are so close to her, then go ahead and tell her you want to be with her. She can only say yes or no.

[Bonfire]

Just today she said to me jokingly "Yeah, you know about everything I do at home, things like, being out of make, being sick, hungover etc. so even if we meet up sometime in the future, there is no way you like be attracted to me haha!"

I think you missed an opportunity here. She might be baiting to see how you felt. I would have responded like "actually even knowing all that, I still find you attractive... oddly enough haha" This way she'll know for sure you are attracted to her. And if she likes you she'll press for more. You don't have to play all that game, you just have to be casual about letting her know you are into her and if she just wants to be friends you are cool with it too. There will be no pressure for you if you lay out your cards, it will be up to her to decide if she wants anything to happen between you two.

[JMan]

Thanks for all the quick replies. I dont exactly feel comfortable with all the 'messed up games' either. How long should I wait to tell her my feelings? its only been a month since she broke up and the main reason she broke up with her boyfriend is because, she didnt want to be in a relationship anymore and just wanted to be single and free...

Some of my mates tell me to ignore her for a while, stay out of the house for a couple of weeks (deprive her of the attention I once gave her), sounds a bit harsh tho. Should I try it out?

" This way she'll know for sure you are attracted to her. And if she likes you she'll press for more."

She asked me whether this chick is hotter than her etc. and I think she definitely knows I find her attractive, but she hasnt pressed for more. I know that look chicks give guys they find attractive...

Cheers,

Jay

[elves235]

Tell her dude before it's too late. U have used some tricks and I think that's enough for now. Tell her. I did in my past and got out of friend zone for a while but thing didn't work so well but I don't have to regret and it's really good for me. If she says no, move on.

[MerryH]

she has started smoking with friends a lot more to chill out (which I make fun of her for all the time)

Stop making fun of her. You like her, right? Don't be a jerk.

and she is pretty much going to slut around with random one nighters for a while

She really said this? Are those her words or yours?

Even though they aren't things that I find particularly attractive, I still like her coz I know who she really is...

You're being naive.

My next plan is to start going out with heaps of other girls and telling her about them (jealousy, hopefully)

You're being manipulative.

I know that look chicks give guys they find attractive...

Doubtful.

I've started doing some things I googled to help get out of the friend zone e.g. not seeing her as much, talk about other girls when she starts talking about other guys, being a bit more of a dick, not being so quick to reply to messages and phone calls, and doing things for me like hobbies, studying, working out and eating healthier.

The google gave you some bad advice, then. Don't talk about other girls in front of her, don't be more of a dick, don't ignore her messages/phone calls. That part about you getting hobbies, studying, etc was good, though. Do that.