Difficult Breakup

[The Raging Bull]

Hello everyone, I joined today to see if anyone could shed some light on my situation. I have been with my girlfriend (well now, ex) for just under 6 months and we have been seeing each other and have spoke every day since we met at the end of last september. I have never felt so bonded with someone in such a short space of time, me and her just clicked straight away and everything was absolutely perfect between us up until around mid april.

We began to fall out over petty things, mainly because I am insecure and she is friends with one of her ex's even though it is pretty obvious that is now an entirely platonic relationship that is only sustained through mutual friends. I also began to bother myself with her sexual history. However, both of us were to blame for this. She was quite open about it when I was getting to know her, possibly because I knew a lot of the people she knew so she might've thought it better for me to find out from her rather than some third party and from then it just bothered me more and more.

As the arguments got worse I started to casually break the relationship up because I would either be annoyed with her or feel like things were getting too deep but I could never stick to it because of my feelings for her.

I had a few unfounded trust issues with her too, she is a very honest girl and extremely friendly but also quite innocent and definitely not one to sleep around but a lot of her closest friends are guys because she is a bit of a tom boy. This always bothered me slightly but that's more down to my own insecurities.

Last saturday I received a text from her saying that she feels that the relationship is no longer progressing and then on the sunday she asked for a break. However, she changed her mind that evening and said that she wanted to be with me. Come tuesday evening, she said that the constant arguing and hurtful, sly comments from me had made her go on the defensive and put her barriers up and she felt like she couldn't carry on with the relationship any longer. She asked for some space because she was extremely confused as she still loved me so I respected her wishes. On the wednesday she popped up on facebook asking how I was and we had a short, fun conversation just acting like nothing had happened and then we didn't speak for three days.

On the saturday night she text me saying that it was unbelievable how much she missed me and that she hoped we could speak soon, then on sunday night she rang me and said that she hates not speaking to me, that all she's been able to think about is us and that she loves me a lot. She then began to get upset and cried for a while. Please note, during this 'no contact' I initiated no conversation.

Tonight she rang me after I finished work and said that it was probably best for us to leave the relationship as it is no longer working and she is hurting too much to continue but her heart is telling her to stay with me. She stated that she has taken the decision to stop messing me around and she hopes we can stay friends, she just doesn't see how the relationship can work.

Sorry for the extremely long story but please could anyone offer any advice on what I should do here? I'm so confused because I really care about her and love her.

Thankyou

[lahnnabell]

She doesn't know what she wants. The moment she gets a bit of space and is left alone with her thoughts, she's calling you to escape again. She's got you on a string and she most likely has no clue she's even doing this. You're best bet is to tell her it's over and to move on.

[The Raging Bull]

So do you think I should just walk away for good... even though she's said it's completely over? One thing to note though, she said it's not entirely what she wants she just can't cope feeling like rubbish anymore

[BeStrong]

Yes walk away. She wants out but also wants the 'comfort' of staying friends to help ease herself away from you.

Don't give her that comfort - if you're still hung up on her it'll only turn it into a long, drawn out and painful breakup for you.

[The Raging Bull]

so there's no going back now?

[BeStrong]

Just initiate no contact and stick to it - tell her not to contact you again.

[Cerby]

She doesn't know what she wants. The moment she gets a bit of space and is left alone with her thoughts, she's calling you to escape again. She's got you on a string and she most likely has no clue she's even doing this. You're best bet is to tell her it's over and to move on.

Bingo, I my ex did this, bailed on me for a "break" and kept changing her mind, we ended up back together for a short period of time and then it ended for good.

Its only been 6 months, you can still remember a time before you were with her, and this is the key to your quick healing (and no contact of course). Focus on who you were before this 6 month relationship, and things will go well. My ex of 4 months left me in a similar way 3 weeks ago, and not only am I over it, I've started seeing someone new, someone who seems to be more in tune with what I want.

Find the strength to move on, if the train is coming off the rails at 6 months, at a year its just going to be a wreck.


And to add one more thing - she WILL be back, you need to make sure you cut her off until you're ready to see her as nothing more than a friend, and in many cases, this isn't possible.

[The Raging Bull]

thankyou for the advice, it's very hard to walk away because right now all i want is to be with her again