Dealing With Very Difficult Parents

[bperson]

My parents are really overprotective in a "Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde" kind of way (enmeshing?). They can be very controlling and demeaning one day, but then on the next day they can be so kind and loving so that you feel guilty that you thought they were terrible the previous day.

Not growing up in America, they really wanted me to live with them until I married so I ended up saying "fine" out of guilt even though I have more than enough money to support myself.

At times, I still feel like I'm twelve (I'm in my twenties already) as I'm expected to run EVERY major decision by them. Whenever I make any major decision without their final approval, they expect me to listen to a "lecture" on my stupidity and incompetence and how I'm going to fail at everything (or worse). And, when I tell them I'm not interested in their "opinion" (demeaning, basically) they throw tantrums about how I'm a horrible child that doesn't listen to anyone.

(I have about 25,000 US saved even though for the past two months I could only work part time...not by choice).

In fact, living with them has been so painful that I tried psychotherapy.

After getting back from therapy, I'm pretty sure they are aware of their behaviors but they have made zero permanent efforts to change them because they feel "this is for your own good".

I'm lucky enough I managed to secure a job offering overseas through a friend: it's not a lot of money but at least its something to do until I find the thing I actually want to do (financial planning).

However, they insisted not only on coming with me back to Taiwan (I'm a dual citizen) but (here's the worst part): they expect to me to live with my grandmother.

You might as well not let me wear clothes!

I now realize I cannot change them. Even a compromise is not possible.

Now I know you are probably thinking: "well, just move the eff out. You already know what you need to do. You don't NEED your parents for financial support anymore, do you?"

Well, I guess not and you're right. Only things are:

1) If I get suddenly thrown out of the house, I'm not really sure what I can do until I get my airplane ticket. For example, I could only get one friend they lend me a place for just one night.

2) They can be so nice sometimes I feel guilty.

Though, as a friend just pointed out, they can also be really manipulative (see early paragraph: I feel they just want me to depend on them forever)

3) I might lose my "last resort" just in case I fall on hard times, as sadly I've found a lot of "friends" aren't willing to help much.

I guess deep down I know what to do but perhaps it would be easier for me to do in small steps.

Could anyone recommend any small steps along they way as I feel directly confronting them about "I can't stand it, I cannot have contact with you anymore" might just be too hard (or is that the only way)?

Thank you to all those helpful responses.

[vashti]

So what you are asking for is to have adult decision-making privileges without having the ultimate adult responsibility, which is to sink or swim when you move out? I don't really see how that will be possible.