Friends say he likes me...but wants to get back with ex for kids?

[jnr1005]

So I am now pretty good friends (hang out wise) with the roomates of this guy I have been seeing since 4th July weekend. On Sat his one roomie told me (in a drunk conversation) that his roomate really likes me, but wants to try to work out things with the ex if he could bc he misses his kids. Then Sunday his other roomate was chillin at my place watching a movie with my roomie and he brought up that his roomate "REALLY" (he stressed this) likes me, but the same thing, wanted to try to work out things with ex. Then he says his roomate found out the night before that his ex now has a bf..

So should I stick with this and see where it goes, or is the ex factor probably to sticky of an issue? He has 2 kids with his ex (the divorce will be final in 2 months). They dated for 4 years and were married for 5 years.

[devonbrown]

Personally, if the divorce is final in 2 months, wait until it is complete before acting on anything. But also be careful. You could very well be a rebound situation. Also, having his roommates tell you that he likes you sort of reeks of junior high to me. If he isn't man enough to tell you himself, maybe he doesn't like you as much as his roommates say. He could be very shy, but what are your feelings about this guy? Do you like him? You never said that.

After 9 years and 2 kids with someone, I can imagine he is a little gunshy, but also probably not in a very good place for another long-lasting relationship. Just keep in mind that if you do start dating him, he might not really know what he wants right now. He might try to get back into a long-term serious thing because that is all he knows. Or he might just want something easy and casual. It could go either way. Think about what you want and try to make the determination of whether it matches what he wants, when you TALK TO HIM.

Good luck.

[Wakeup]

Why would you want to be this mans' rebound? He's still in love with his wife. Just because he's divorced it doesn't mean he won't see his kids regularily. Why is he letting it get so long between visits with them that "he misses them?"

Google "rebound relationship" and read up on what will probably happen to you if you get involved further with this man. Let him process his breakup and allow him to get to the point of being at least somewhat indifferent emotionally to his wife and has regular visitation schedule with the kids in place before you proceed. (you'll likely not do anything except what you want to do whether it's in your own best interests or not but) that's my advice.

[celestina]

How old are you? You sound young (the way your write) but if you're about to have something with a man with 2 kids, I don't think that makes you 16.

Personally, I don't think you are mature enough to be in a serious relationship with a divorced man with 2 kids and an ex-wife. Too much baggage for someone who bases her decisions on drunk conversations with roomies. If by yourself you can't tell or not if this man is genuinely into you... I say let it go. You deserve someone more appropriate for you.

[jnr1005]

Wow...well I am 27, divorced with 2 kids myself. I am not to great at dating as most of my relationships last for a year or more, so I don't get a lot of dating experiance. I was trying to keep it short so I guess I didn't spell everything out. I am pretty sure he likes me considering we spent an entire weekend together before his kids came, then we have txt/talked each day since while his kids were here. I'm just not sure where that weighs in with the history and kids with the ex... He is stationed in the military and his kids live 5 states away and they are young, so he only gets them for 2 weeks every few months. His one roomate was explaining that he was in tears the last day he had them b/c its so hard on him to not be there for them. As a mother I can fully understand that, but I have never been in his shoes where I would ever consider getting back with ex to be around the kids since I have my kids 100% of the time.

I wasn't basing my assesment on his drunk friends.. I was only stressing that they were saying he likes me a lot, but they both brought up the ex. (He never has). So I was looking for anyone who has been in that situation to weigh in on it.

[Wakeup]

Wow...well I am 27, divorced with 2 kids myself. I am not to great at dating as most of my relationships last for a year or more, so I don't get a lot of dating experiance. I was trying to keep it short so I guess I didn't spell everything out. I am pretty sure he likes me considering we spent an entire weekend together before his kids came, then we have txt/talked each day since while his kids were here. I'm just not sure where that weighs in with the history and kids with the ex... He is stationed in the military and his kids live 5 states away and they are young, so he only gets them for 2 weeks every few months. His one roomate was explaining that he was in tears the last day he had them b/c its so hard on him to not be there for them. As a mother I can fully understand that, but I have never been in his shoes where I would ever consider getting back with ex to be around the kids since I have my kids 100% of the time.

I wasn't basing my assesment on his drunk friends.. I was only stressing that they were saying he likes me a lot, but they both brought up the ex. (He never has). So I was looking for anyone who has been in that situation to weigh in on it.

Yea, You told us all that the first time (basically). Your "update" doesn't change my answer any. Just because you spend a weekend together doesn't mean he wants anything more than a bit of slap and tickle. Why don't you get through the high-school antics and have a serious talk with the dude. He's the one you're doing? Listen carefully to his answer.

[devonbrown]

I agree with Wakeup. Just talk to the guy. Is a conversation that scary? Hearing what he has to say first hand is the only way you are going to know for sure what he is thinking.

[jnr1005]

I'm not aginst talking to him, but how do I broach that without ratting out his roomates? Like I said, he hasn't said a word about the ex, they have.

[Biene]

You don't need to mention his roomates. Just ask him if he really feels ready for a new relationship as you can see that he still has to go through a lot, in particular with regards to his kids.

[Petit Papillon]

You have 2 kids huh? Relationships no longer than a year? I guess two different daddys ... You have a "roomie"? Well, I guess you should first sort out your stuff (and the thing you have in your head) , before you get pregnant *again* ... By a different guy ... Anyway you should be extremely careful who you choose, you have 2 kids,it's not healthy to present them a different daddy every few months ...

[jnr1005]

You have 2 kids huh? Relationships no longer than a year? I guess two different daddys ... You have a "roomie"? Well, I guess you should first sort out your stuff (and the thing you have in your head) , before you get pregnant *again* ... By a different guy ... Anyway you should be extremely careful who you choose, you have 2 kids,it's not healthy to present them a different daddy every few months ...

Maybe you should read a little closer before judging. I said my relationships last a year or MORE. I was married before..hence 2 kids (forgive me if I had kids when I was married..didn't think there was anything wrong with that)... I have no intention of having more children..and as to the roomate, I have a large townhouse and renting a room helps me pay the bills as a single mother. We get along great and she helps me out with the dog if the kids and I are gone.

I do not "present" my kids with a different daddy every few months, and I would never introduce my kids to a guy until we had been dating for a while. My last boyfriend lasted 2 years. So once again, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to assume.

[JennaBella]

Petit Papillion I hope you are going to aologise for that terribly hurtful and judgemental post. Really uncalled for and unnecessary!!