Keep getting told little white lies - What should I do?

[Achilles]

I've not been in a long, serious relationship before, so I'd like some advice. I've been with a girl for a while now and I keep finding she has told me little white lies. They're almost harmless in themselves, but I can't understand why she is telling me them.

An example would be we were out with a friend of mine, and one of her friends got on with my friend so added him on that facebook thing. My girlfriend told me she also added him because her friend told her to, but I found out that her friend had spoken to my girlfriend about him but not said to add him.

I've asked my girlfriend about it and she said she'll stop, but it doesn't seem like she is. What should I do? I don't get why she is doing this? As odd as it sounds, I believe she wouldn't lie about anything big. She does suffer from depression and has had two breakdowns. I'm not sure if this would be a factor in what she is doing, but she seems on top of it at the moment, and has been for the duration of our relationship.

As I said, I've not been in a long serious relationship before, so is this normal? Can a relationship last like this? What should I do?

[surfhb]

Whether she added him because her friend told her or on her own is none of your business unless shes sucking the guys dick.

Thats why its called MY FACEBOOK....comprede amigo?

[Achilles]

I think you miss the point. That is the one and only time the lies have been about facebook. All the others have been about something else and the reason I used the facebook as an example was simply because it was the most recent. My problem is that she is telling me little lies for apparently no reason. It wouldn't matter to me at all if she just added my friend because she thought he was nice...Why did she lie about it? Why does she tell me all the other lies? I'd like a bit more of an adult discussion if it's possible.

[JadenMia]

How long have you been with her?

Lying, like this can be a cause for concern in my opinion. If a person feels the need to lie about such little things then imagine about the bigger things she would lie about further down the line. In a relationship i think trust, honesty and communication are key to keep things stable. If she cannot tell you about things like that, then something is wrong.
On the other hand, maybe she feels she cannot tell you about such things. Are you uptight about things like this? Maybe she feels the need to tell little white lies to keep the peace between the two of you? I know in my last relationship, i found myself hiding stupid little things from my ex, just so it didnt cause a big fuss on something that really didnt matter at all. To remember, she can do whatever she pleases and not have to tell you about it, or why she did it. It is her life.
Either way, no, a relationship couldnt last and be healthy because of this.

[pisces25]

I am so glad I don't have FB. What a minefield. As for your questions have you called her out on these 'lies'? What did she say in response?

[surfhb]

Oh....sorry i wasn't grown up enough for you. No, this is not normal. A relationship of lies is not healthy and if it continues you need to make a decision.

[Wakeup]

May I suggest that if you're not in this relationship for life that you get out now. She has a history of depression and she's a chronic liar (white or not) it's still some kind of issue to add to the checklist on her mental state. Further and In my opinionated, opinion. Anyone who has their Facebook page set to totally public or adds randoms to chat with and creep their photos has a problem with wanting attention from strangers of the opposite sex.

I'd ditch her if I were you. Google "Facebook and Divorce" and have a good read. Some will say that facebook isn't the fault that the marriage was in trouble. Well, I say the marriage was fine until that 21st century Garden of Eden "Apple" known as facebook sent temptation out to the masses. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

Keep your page private people.

[devonbrown]

First, she probably added your friend to her Facebook because she wants to get a little with him on the side. I mean, why ELSE would she add him and lie to you?

The Facebook example was the only one you referenced. What other kinds of lies is she telling you? Like telling you she did the dishes when they are still dirty? Or saying she will meet you at 7pm only to show up at 9pm smelling like a bar?

I am guessing she has learned to lie often as a defense mechanism of sorts sometime in her life. Probably her way of keeping people at arm's length. It is definitely a big red flag. And if she can't let you into her crafted protective wall, there is not much chance for your relationship to develop in a healthy way.

Good luck.

[Ruby62410]

I can only speak about my experience but an insight for you would be good. I am in no way justifying her behavior but I have done the same thing as her with my long-term bf. I did not realize I was telling these little white lies until he would catch me. It actually caused a big problem in our relationship because his philosophy on lying is "If you can lie about the small things what makes me think you won't lie about bigger things?" The worst part was he had told me this in the very beginning of our relationship yet it did not stop me from lying. There was nothing huge that I was actually hiding from him but I just lied to avoid a possible fight, this ended up making things worse. I finally realized I did it as a defense mechanism, I did not want to argue with him and because of that I felt like I had to hide things that I thought would upset him. Yet that doesn't make it his fault lying is just something that should not occur in a relationship. Tell her if she wants the relationship to work lying just shouldn't happen no matter what.


P.S. Having a relationship and having a Facebook will undoubtedly cause problems. Those two things just don't go well together. Which is why me and my bf deleted ours. So much better now.