Is my boyfriend confused?

[always84]

Hi All,

Bit of a weird one but its playing on my mind a little so hoping for some advice.. My boyfriend changes when he's drunk.. as do a lot of people, he gets really silly and does stupid things ALL the time. However, this i can handle.. Theres one thing which confuses me.. whenever we go out with his cousin (who is male) he gets really stupid with him, ignores me and becomes a bit too OTT with him with the cuddles etc. He basically ignores me and then they do stupid things like kiss each other on the lips and stuff and are always hugging each other. I know this may not seem like anything weird - but they are not close to each other at all. I don't thin my boyfriend is gay, i have not seen these tendencies with anyone else except this one particular cousin? And i dont mean its like a family cuddle, i mean they really stare at each other and it looks like to me like their flirting. We went out with his cousins new girlfriend at the weekend and my boyfriend was acting - i can only say jealous. Can anyone make sense of this without saying "you're boyfriends" gay? as there really is no other signs. He just has a really weird relationship with this one cousin when he's drunk. I have asked him about it yesterday - to which he replied im out of order and it would only have been out of fun if he did kiss him. But to me it doesnt seem like it. I am now worried everytime we have family functions it'll keep happening? but why?

Please help! I love him alot, and i may have insecurities as my ex boyfriend did cheat on me with a transexual prostitute - so i may be sensitive to it, but i also know that somethings not right.

[bulrush]

Well, first of all most boys that age commonly explore sexuality with other boys, but I thought they did this only with people they know very well and trust. You said these 2 guys are not that close, or so you think, which surprised me.

So, you might make your bf feel so comfortable about himself, and he may trust you so much (that's a compliment) that he feels he can explore this part of himself with you around. Better with you around than behind your back, right?

Anyway, it's probably just a phase, so don't worry to much about it. Plus, small possibility your bf might end up being bi in the long run.

At first I thought they might be kissing as a joke, or just to gross you out (boys like to gross out girls at that age). But then they were staring into each others' eyes. Maybe they are still trying to get a rise out of you.

Oh, he cheated on you with a transsexual prostitute, or a transvestite prostitute? Subtle difference there. Yeah he may be exploring his sexuality, and he may be bi. Are you ok with that? Or are you just angry he cheated on you? I think the big issue here is he did something behind your back, not that he also likes dudes.

Sexuality cannot be put into neat little boxes, like straight, bi or gay. Sexuality is a whole spectrum. Sometimes guys are mostly straight but they are curious about men. Simply because guys are very curious about all things sexual. Sometimes they are mostly gay, but are sometimes curious about girls.

p.s. Your bf is not confused, it sounds like he knows what he likes, and he likes boys and girls. However his cheating has to stop.

[devonbrown]

I am wondering if maybe he has an infatuation or crush on his cousin that is not necessarily sexual in any sense, but he doesn't know how to express it. Is this cousin older? I am just thinking there may be some hero-worship going on and it is getting mixed up in his head as he gets more comfortable with all things id.

At this point, I would just keep an eye open. It is a red flag to you, maybe because of your past, but a red flag nonetheless. Just keep your eyes open and understanding.

Good luck.

[always84]

Thank you for the advice...

It was actually my ex who cheated on me - not my present boyfriend. I have been with my present boyfriend for over 2 years and have known him for about 3 years. Never have i seen any signs of bi tendencies. Only with this one cousin, whenever he gets drunk around him. I just find it very uncomfortable and other people have noticed it. My boyfriend is 31 - his cousin is younger at 27 and they have never been close. There has always been competition between the families.

I just don't understand....