I like her but she has a boyfriend

[LovestonedTim]

OK. So here is my situation
I've known this girl for about 3 years and about 2 years ago she liked me, cried over me, even loved me but I was a jerk to her and ignored and rejected her. I was young and stupid then and highly regret that. Now she has a boyfriend and I cannot stop thinking about her. I think about her every single day and dream about how life would be like if we were together. It hurts more than anything in the world to see her with her boyfriend. I just wish I hadn't made the mistake of rejecting her. I even think I love her, I know you don't think that you love someone until your really with them but I know I love her. She's away on a school trip (I couldn't afford to go) to Paris and Spain and the whole time she's been away seems like a millennium. I miss her so much you don't even know. Well anyway, I don't know if I should tell her my feelings. I don't want to make her cry over a confusing situation. She's the emotional type, so if I tell her it's going to make her cry because she'll either be letting me down or her boyfriend and I'm afraid of that. But on the other hand I REALLY want to be together with her so bad. I can't describe the way I feel about her. Yesterday I saw a picture online of her and her boyfriend together and it KILLED me. It took me forever to get to sleep because I couldn't keep my mind off her. I really want to tell her but I don't want to hurt her. I also don't want to risk our friendship being awkward after she knows how I feel. Any advice for me? what should I do? Would you want a guy to tell you his feelings despite you having a boyfriend?

[Gribble]

If you two weren't friends I'd say go for it. Try to sweep her off her feet. However, if you value your friendship you'll just have to wait, otherwise you stand a good chance of losing her.

[bluesummer]

I think you just have to wait it out. I'm not a big fan of interfering in other people's relationships. I was head over heels for a friend of mine, but didn't admit it because he was engaged to someone else. Even though she was totally wrong for him, I supported him in the relationship and kept my trap shut even though it hurt like hell. Eventually they broke up....and THEN I told him.

It's not fair to her OR the other guy to be bringing it up at this point. Especially because you had your chance already, but you chose to throw it away. I'd dare say a lot of this is jealousy over the other guy.....you never tried pursuing her while she was single, right? My personal opinion is keep it to yourself until she breaks up with this guy.

[GrkScorp]

Any advice for me? what should I do? Would you want a guy to tell you his feelings despite you having a boyfriend?

Timmy.. answer the following totally unrelated questions for me:

1. What are you studying in school?

2. How old are you?

3. Roughly, how many other relationships have you been in?

4. How many other girls have you dated?

5. Of those relationships and dates, who ended them, and why?

6. What are some things you like? (Interests, hobbies, etc)

[LovestonedTim]

1. What are you studying in school? I'm in high school so I wouldn't academically label a study of interest upon myself.

2. How old are you? 16

3. Roughly, how many other relationships have you been in?
One, but I wouldn't consider it a "true" relationship considering I never loved that person. I was young and stupid and was looking for any reason to have a girlfriend.

4. How many other girls have you dated?
One

5. Of those relationships and dates, who ended them, and why?
I did, because I felt I didn't truly love that person, and that person dosen't deserve to be together with someone who dosen't truly love them back. We decided to just be friends and we still are to this day.

6. What are some things you like? (Interests, hobbies, etc)
I love to lift weights, listen to music (any genre), travel, debate, ect.

[IndiReloaded]

No offense Tim, but what's the urgency? Its not like they are getting married, just dating.

Be her friend & that's it. What Gribble & Blue already said. Just be your awesome self around her. Chances are VERY high she won't date him for too long.

As for telling her, since you asked: no, I wouldn't want to know if I were her. And, unless things are looking bad for her current relationship & she is showing interest in you (i.e. she seems like she wants to be 'stolen' away) don't tell her. Wait, be patient. Have fun & see others if you can meantime.

[1averagejoe]

I was young and stupid and was looking for any reason to have a girlfriend.

You still are.

Just be friends.

[LovestonedTim]

You see...that's why I didn't want to tell people my age. I knew they would bring that against me. To me, age dosen't define love.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, I thought that when I was 16 too. The 'love' I felt at that age, though very real to me, doesn't compare to the type of love I have for my partner now. It is based on different things. Of course, no one ever believes this until they get to that point themselves, so I'm probably wasting my breath....er, fingers. Whatever.

Not to cut you down, you only know what you know. But anyway like Indi said, at her age, it's not likely to be anything long term anyways. I'm sure she'll be free within a matter of months. Just wait it out and meet some other girls!

[GrkScorp]

what should I do?

O.K. you're good..

Just had to make sure, you threw a bit of an @sshole red-flag there before..

Well, it would seem that you're largely aware of the fact that you have her on a string, a thick, strong, and powerful emotional string that you can pull her by.. but even though you're aware of that.. and even though you want to pull it badly out of self-interest.. you resist.. you control yourself.. because you care about her.. you don't want to complicate the situation.. and you could care less about her bf.. but you just don't want to see her get hurt and fall into a complicated situation because of you..

That's good.. that's tells a lot about your character.. and my brother is a bit older than you, but around the same age.. and I know that after 16, there are people, who can understand and feel things on a much deeper and more powerful level.. and to have the resolve to resist the urge to use the power you have over her just to satisfy your self-interest, shows that your age isn't an issue at all.. and it's understandable why you didn't want to just say it, because you didn't want people to come to that idea and pass judgement so fast.. but you've made it perfectly clear through your revealed intentions and motives, what your character really is, and the understanding you have of these things.. and that's good..

But with that in place.. you're asking us here, online, to resolve this internal conflict for you.. and that's not something we can do.. at least, even if we tell you to do something.. it wouldn't really be the "right" thing to do.. because what you should do, is something that YOU have to figure out and be comfortable with.. it all falls back to you.. it's your choice to make.. you have total control, total power of the situation.. the cards are in your hand, and you're the dealer.. it's an awkward position to be in, but you have to make the right call on what cards you want to deal.. and you have to be ready to accept what's going to happen when you deal them..

Maybe you feel that the person she's with "realistically & objectively" isn't treating her the same way that you would be treating her, that you would be treating her better, and so you would be doing her a favor by letting her now realize that the guy she's always wanted, finally wants her too.. or; maybe you feel that now she's finally happy after all these years, and that the last thing you want to do, after being the cause of her not being happy for those years, is tell her this, and strip her of those moments of happiness she's enjoying.. It's a difficult choice to make.. let's not kid ourselves.. it really is tough.. but it's a choice you're going to have to make for yourself, and nobody else can, or should, tell you how to make it..

In any case, trust in yourself, and know that whatever you want to do.. will be the right choice.. You're not "just some 16 year old".. at least not when it comes to character & mentality.. and that's a good thing.. so be confident and certain of the choice you're going to make.. whatever it's going to be.. it's going to be the right thing..

Best,

GrkScorp

[LovestonedTim]

Thank you so much GrkScorp, your definitely right
This is the best advice anyone has given me and I appreciate you taking your time to write this out! I will do what my heart tells me to do and wish for the best. All the things you said are exactly how I feel. It's like you know me

[GrkScorp]

All the things you said are exactly how I feel. It's like you know me

Well, don't worry, I can assure you I don't

As Mark Twain would put it, "I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead"

So I should really thank you for taking the time to read a post from a complete stranger, but i'm gald you were able to connect to a couple of the things mentioned, and i'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself Tim;

Best,

GrkScorp

[genesys4]

i have 2 gal frenz of mine who r married, 1 engaged and a few of whom r other ppl's gf. but dat don't stop me from (general) flurting with em. Y?? coz by flurting with em u get to know dat person better n u can cope ur feelings towards em and in the end u'll like them as frenz.
yes all of em enjoy talking to me, while I tend to bust their balls (metaphorically) in front of their husbands and all. it's the spirits of frenz. try sweet talking ur way with dat fren of urs, bcoz she's just sum other guy's gf, nuthin more. and show ur confidence, gurlz like dat in guys.

[Cain]

i have 2 gal frenz of mine who r married, 1 engaged and a few of whom r other ppl's gf. but dat don't stop me from (general) flurting with em. Y?? coz by flurting with em u get to know dat person better n u can cope ur feelings towards em and in the end u'll like them as frenz.
yes all of em enjoy talking to me, while I tend to bust their balls (metaphorically) in front of their husbands and all. it's the spirits of frenz. try sweet talking ur way with dat fren of urs, bcoz she's just sum other guy's gf, nuthin more. and show ur confidence, gurlz like dat in guys.

I need a pocket translator for your posts.

[Cain]

But in response to the OP, don't interfere. I don't agree with interfering in anyone's relationship. If a guy was attempting to break up my relationship, he and I would be having a talk... without words.

It's completely disrespectful to try to get with her while she's taken.

And you're age is a factor here. I have a hard time believing that people at your age can be in love. I've been 16, and I know how I thought I felt when in relationships and how I feel about my SO now.

Don't rush. Let things run their course. Most high school relationships don't last anyways.