does my boyfriend still want me?

[kayleighwhopper]

December 2010 i met an old crush even though he had a girlfriend of 3 years at the time. we met a few times and he told me he thought he was falling in love with me. i felt the same so i gave him an ultimatum, finish your girlfriend or you cant see me anymore, so he finished his girlfriend of 3 years.
We got together and things were great, we were so happy. He asked me to marry him, move in with him and we'd even spoke about having children together. His ex was still seeing all his family and i felt like 'the other girl', we often fell out and argued over this, however i got over it and we were happy. we had been together for nearly 9 motnhs then one weekend i had missed him so much and couldnt wait to spend the night with him, he said he wasnt staying and went home. i told him we were over because he wouldnt spend the night with me, which was really pathetic, i suppose in a way i wanted him to chase after me. He didnt. he ignored me all weekend, and gave me abuse when he did speak to me. he went out with his friends drinking until monday when he asked to meet up with me and said he will give it another go.
I was thrilled that he wanted to try again, however, things werent the same, he didnt want to be near me, he didnt look at me, he didnt want to sit on the same sofa as me, he didnt want to speak to me. i confronted him about all this and he said it was all true and id hurt him a lot and he didnt think he could forgive me. he told me he didnt want to be with me later on in the week, i convinced him to stay with me and give it one more go. things still werent the same, he wouldnt touch me.
then he told me he couldnt be with me anymore the following monday when i had finished work. i was devastated, hurt more because i knew it was my fault. he was determined he didnt want to be with me. i was suspicious of him cheating so i logged onto his phone bill on the internet to find he had been texting and ringing a phone number late at night and when he wasnt with me. i rang the number, it was a girl. she put the phone down. i asked him who he had been texting and he said no-one. then he said i had been on his phone bill so the girl must have contacted him to tell him she'd had a phone call off of me. so at this point i knew i was right. he then addmited to texting someone but still wouldnt tell me who she was. he said she was there for him. later i found out the girl was his ex, the same girl he finished back in decemeber to be with me.
i was furious and asked me why he'd text her, he said it wasnt her but then later on addmitted it. i was mad and angry and upset, didnt know what to do, i loved him so much and didnt want to lose him. i spoke to his ex later on that night on the phone, she said he had been texting her for the past couple of weeks becaus he said he didnt know if he wanted to be with me. she said they never met up and they spoke on the phone once and he was crying. i spoke to him and he said that he text her because hes close with her, bearing in mind they had no contact for 8 months. he said she was there for him when he needed someone.

he's now met me and told me that he wants to try with me again to see if his feelings will come back for me. i said yes we will meet up as long as you dont have any contact with your ex and you tell her that too. he told her and agreed not to have ay contact with her. he seemed upset to tell her and insisted that he told her when he was on his own.
i dont know what to do, he says he has no feelings for her and she was just a friend that was there for him. he didnt tell me he ws texting her and he lied when i confronted him. please help me, i dont know what to do??

[bulrush]

You can't expect us to read minds. Why don't you ask him if he wants a serious relationship, because that appears to be what you want.

You should learn to ask questions to determine if he wants a serious relationship, like:
- Do you want a long term relationship?
- Do you eventually want to get married? When?
- Do you eventually want kids? How long after marriage will we start trying to have kids?

Things like that.

[Yet another guy]

You hurt him by playing games and his ex was there to comfot him. I doubt your relationship has any chance of survival.

[kayleighwhopper]

he said he does want to try and make things work and we've been meeting up and we seem fine but sometimes he goes really quiet on me what should i do?

[kayleighwhopper]

i asked him if our relationship stands any chance of survival and he said if he thought it didnt then he wouldnt be trying to develop his feelings for me again. he also said that if we do get back together then he will be spending more time with his friends than when we were together before, i agreed as long as im alright to see my friends and he said yes but im not allowed to go to slaggy places like out drinking with my friends, he said this is because he doesnt trust me. i need help, i really dont know what to do.

[nerdy_guy]

You can't wave a magic wand on a damaged relationship. It takes time to fix it. An advice is not to get too critical about everything he does. He vented out his frustrations on his ex because they've been together for 3 years, do you know what that means? they got to know each other enough for him to make her a confidant... that doesn't make him a bad guy. You messed up big time and now your giving him a hard time by not letting him vent? that's wrong, let it go. It's not like he's cheating on you, it just feels that way cause both of you are stuck in a rut.

[kayleighwhopper]

okay, so your saying i need to give him space?

[nerdy_guy]

Yes, not the typical "time apart" space though. Let's put it this way, Instead of hugging him close, just hold his hand. that much space is fine.