So angry about everything still!

[chica]

Hi everyone. Excuse me for ranting a little bit, but I am still so frustrated with how my relationship ended.

I understand I made a lot of mistakes: I got into the relationship too soon after ending a different one, I was too analytical, I was too clingy/needy....

But I met this guy and we started dating, and everything was great at the start. He was super romantic, he did thoughtful little things (like make me dinner, calling me at work), and everything seemed to be going great. But then the issue came up of physical boundaries and well, he wanted to have sex and do other things a lot sooner than what I was ready for (I'm a virgin). I brought this topic up with him...maybe too many times, but I brought it up so much because he never really gave me a clear answer about his expectations for the relationship. I wanted to know if he just wanted a fling or if he wanted something more serious.

Anyway, after maybe like a month in, he started pulling away. He was busy with work and I understood that, but we only saw each other once a week due to distance reasons and work/school. But then he stopped calling me that much. And then we skipped a week of seeing each other. The last time we saw each other he acted really distant, and then he went to a foreign country to visit his family (he's not from here).

I sent him an email (ok, bad timing on my part) about how I was feeling; I said that I felt like he was ignoring me or distancing himself and I didn't know why. I understood that he had other stuff going on in his life but I still felt like he didn't really wanted to be in the relationship and I wanted to know how committed he was, because well....between not calling me that often and habitually arriving late, he seemed to not be that into it. And I wanted to know if that's how he felt.

But during the whole time in his home country, he doesn't talk to me. He says his Internet was crappy but he was still connected on facebook. I messaged him and he for the most part ignored my messages. He ignored me when I tried to chat with him. He just told me "I don't want to deal with this right now, because I don't want to be in a bad mood when I'm here with my family" and that was it. He never initiated contact by emailing me or anything.

So for like a month, i was constantly wondering if we were even still together, because he wouldn't respond! He came back home and we broke up over Skype, and I know it's for the best, but I'm still so pissed at how he treated me! i never got angry to his face but I still feel furious inside. You don't just ignore someone...you grow a pair and TALK to them about a problem! I was so unimportant to him and I don't know why.

To be honest, it's really shattered my self-esteem. I was at the bottom of his priority list and I was treated like I didn't matter that much. And I never once heard an apology...just "If you didn't send that email right before I left for my home country, I wouldn't have ignored you".

Just ughhhh how do I stop feeling angry about this and move on with my life? We only dated like a little over 2 months (3 if you count the time he was abroad) and I feel so played. And I keep beating myself up for being this upset about someone who obviously didn't care about me.

Has anyone had a similar situation?

[sad_smiles]

Hun, if you were unimportant to him you woulden't be able to make him so upset he can't enjoy time with his family..and in a different country too?
That's just the truth.
It sucks breaking up when you're both distant because nothing ever gets settled really....I feel your frustration and your bitterness cause, it happened to me too.
I can't say much about the sex...I mean yeah as a guy I would like and even probably initiate sex talk but every guy is so different, you won't get any answers for real unless you talk with him, but that might be hard, idk
Just keep your head up, that's all you can do

[chica]

Ok, thanks for you advice It's just that he said 'I don't want to deal with this right now because I don't want to be in a bad mood with my family" But then after telling me that he was able to pretty much ignore me for a month and not initiate contact. I told him that if I really, truly cared about someone, I wouldn't be able to just ignore them for an entire month and not wonder how they were feeling. I told him, "The fact that you were able to push me aside so easily shows me that I really didn't matter that much to you." And he didn't really say anything to that other than, "Yes it was selfish but I didn't want to be in a bad mood with my family"

And I think he kind of realized that he never wanted a relationship.....he was more about the physical things.....but I wish he told me that from the get-go....

[sad_smiles]

Anyone that's in a relationship for that wont ever tell you...it's happened to me alot -_-

[Andariel]

I think he just got bored of waiting to sleep with you and just didn't have the @@s to tell you.

You were not and are not unimportant!In fact, you should be proud of yourself for sticking by your principles and respecting yourself enough to wait until you felt ready and loved enough within the relationship to take such a big step and sleep with someone for the first time.

He is a coward. He ought to have told you the reason why he broke up with you and you have every right to be upset by this.The important thing is not to allow this low-life to batter your self-esteem.His behaviour has nothing to do with you: this is just the way he is and he would treat any girl in your position in the same disrespectful way.

Don't waste your time any longer trying to figure out why he did or didn't do this and that. The guy is not worth it.Had you slept with him, he would probably just use you for as long as he saw fit and then would leave you without even having the courtesy to give you a solid reason for it.Consider this as a lucky escape for you because that is what it really was! You deserve so much better, don't settle for anything less than a guy who is willing to respect your wishes especially when it comes to such a delicate matter.Best of luck,hun!