Long Distance Dating Dilemma

[ThinkDreamDo]

Hi Guys! This is a long note, but if you have a few minutes I'd appreciate getting a man's perspective! Thanks!

Earlier this year I met a man in Philly while I was away at a conference. The next couple of times I went there there we got together, and every time we had a blast -- laughing, talking, kissing. The last visit I felt like we started to get close emotionally... we were so tuned in to each other & he's very sweet. I've never had this kind of connection before.

At the end of this last visit, we were smooching in the train station before I left. He talked about getting a room and I told him if/when I slept with him I'd get attached... that I'd need more of an investment to feel safe. His answer was that would be hard b/c I live so far away. I told him it wasn't... then I said I'd be back a few times this fall, and (he already knew this) that I might move there next year for work. Then he walked me to my train, kissed me & said "See you."

Next day he sent me a cute funny text. A couple of days later was his birthday, so I wrote him wishing him a happy. He wrote back saying how much fun he had and that he loves my laugh.

It's been two weeks since then, and we've had no contact. I have tentative plans to go to Philly next week, but since all the dating gurus say I mustn't contact him -- that's up to him, right? -- I haven't let him know yet.

In general between visits he's been in touch off and on, almost aways through the dating site, never calling on the phone. But he did tell me on one of his messages that I'm an inspiration to him, called me his "wonder woman." And he even used the word "girlfriend" once about me when we were joking around.

But he doesn't call, or ask when I'm coming to town next...?

I am meeting other people of course but would love to keep seeing him. But I don't know if I should wait till he feels ready to reach out to me, or if I should let him know I have these plans. If anything is going to grow between us, I want to let it happen without pushing or forcing anything...

Hey, if you got all the way through this post, THANKS! And if you can offer some insight into male behavior, DOUBLE THANKS!

[Devilsbane]

I want to start off by saying that long distance relationships rarely work. I don't blame you for trying, I certainly would pursue something if it had that instant spark feeling. But I just wanted to get that out there.

Honestly it sounds like he is too busy with his other events in life to think about you. I know I'm not the typical guy, but if I'm interested in a girl I don't think I could go a full day without talking to her unless it wasn't physically possible. What is so hard about a good morning, goodnight, and how is your day text? I'm not saying I need to have a conversation everyday, but just those little things. The other thing to consider here, is that he is on a dating site. I hate to say it, but he is probably meeting other girls.

If he is someone that you are still interested, let him know that you will be in town. Maybe the two of you can hook up, but definitely don't sleep with this guy. He hasn't earned that from you yet, and it sounds like that might be all he is after based on your meeting at the train. And to answer your question about who should be reaching out? The way I see it, if you want something go get it. Recently I realized that I made a mistake in letting a girl slip away. About a month ago I called her up and told her what was going on and have been hanging out with her ever since. It isn't all rainbows and butterfiles, and we aren't even a couple yet (trust issues) but the moral of the story is to go get what you want. There isn't any need to be sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. If you are interested, call him. What is the worst that happens? You bother him? Then he really doesn't deserve you if he doesn't want to have contact with you. Nothing makes me happier than waking up in the morning to a text from this girl saying good morning. If he is interested, you won't scare him.