Losing my mind-Close female friend just got a bf

[Laguna22]

Hi im new to this forum hope your all good.

Summery
long and short of it im in love with my close female friend she's got a new bf and im hurt dont know whether to be selfish and tell her (I dont wnat to do really) or carry on like nothing happened.

I've been friends with this girl for a long time now (8 years) and shes just amazing (obviously) we hang out alot and she does things for me all the time:

she takes me to the gym where she works and get me in for free (alot),
invited to london to stay in the same bed as her in a hotel room even tho she could have asked anyone else,
takes me out even when i have no money and insists I go till I say yes,
hugs me kises me on the cheek all the time,
recently (last week) invited me to watch scary dvds holds me tightly and asks me to stay over and sleep with her co shes scared
we go for long walks together
shes txts me all the time asking if im free and tells me she mises me allways with louds of xxxxx and tells me she loves me
we have moments where we just look into eachothers eyes and she smiles

and varies other things

Now I may very well be mistaking very close friendship for love ut I just feel like she likes me like I like her I was allways there for her when she needed me (splitting up with bf's, shoulder to cry on etc)

But recently (2 days ago) facebook changed from single to releshionship and saw the messages people saying things like "Finally" etc, I was heartbroken cos I was gonna tell her how I felt this thursday. she txt me again today asking if I was working and what time I was in till and saying she misses me i txt bk saying theres nothing to miss and she says you are.

Im just confused as to why she would want to spend time alone with me all the time now she has a bf and looks like she has been wanting to be with him for awile.

Im just really really confused and need some sort of closure.

thanks

[Cerby]

I have a close female friend much like this (Who I'm not in love with) and she is much the same way. What you have is a very close friendship, and its that way because nothing has ever happened between you. She is confident in your friendship and trusts you.

The scenarios are pretty clear:

1) Don't tell her - This will ensure the friendship lasts, but you'll always have that nagging thought in the back of your mind. It may take months, or even years, for it to go away.

2) Tell her - You have a whole array of possible results, anything as low as a complete loss all the way up to a relationship. Both are extremes, but one thing is for sure - your friendship won't ever be the same. Its a roll of the dice.


The choice is ultimately up to you.

[MerryH]

dont know whether to be selfish

This is never the right answer when dealing with interpersonal relationships. Selfishness comes at the expense of others.

I was heartbroken cos I was gonna tell her how I felt this thursday.

Okay, but how many times have you previously told yourself that you're going to tell her, and then you chickened out? Probably quite a few. I think your chances have passed this time, but this is a lesson to more courageous in the future. Wish her well in her new relationship.

[Laguna22]

Thanks for your reply's they make a hell alot of sense, I was too late and have pussied out on alot of occasions and realise now that what we have is awesome.

Now that she has a bf though is it ok for us to carry on like we do with all the cuddling, im definatly not going to sleep in the same bed as her again (cos if I found out my gf was doing that id be a bit freaked out). I want to keep the freindship cos she is a good friend so I will be acking my emotions right down and moving on.

thanks alot

[teacup711]

Sorry have decided to interrupt. Have you ever seen the How I Met Your Mother ep where they say everyone has someone they keep dangling? I have read the description of your relationship and you really need to find the courage to severe this cord. When was the last time you dated anyone on a steady basis? She takes up so much of your time with her neediness, it sounds as though you have made yourself too available to this friend who takes advantage of the situation to meet her needs and doesnt think to ask you about yours.
I really hope for your sake that if you become less available-- or stop seeing/ contacting her altogether-- she may realise what she has lost.
Apologies if this sounds harsh, up to a certain point, a lot of us have been here before.
take care.

[JaimeRose5]

Ahhh yes the friend zone. You waited too long to begin with and she sees you as a very close friend. Let this new relationship run its course, then tell her. Don't make things harder for both of you by telling her while she is trying to give her heart to another.

Jaime

[BoredGeorge]

You're the boyfriend without the sex. 8 years is ridiculous. You need to tell her how you feel. Make her see that there is no other way. If (when) she refuses, break it off with her. Call her selfish and cut her out of your life. If you can somehow be mean about it and make her cry, even better. Man, what a bitch ! She must know by now that you have feelings for her. Sleeping in the same bed ? really ? I'd be trying to stick it in (iniative foreplay) if she got in my bed for sure.

Be a man for gods sake !

[searock]

Why the heck didn't you tell her anything during all these 8 years? Unless she has no boundaries, the way she treated you was her going out of her way to try and give you signals - what more do you need to understand that a girl is into you? She let you sleep in her bed with her! You should've at least tried to kiss her some time. She probably has been waiting for you to make the move for ages. I hope you learned this lesson.

Most of all, I hope you learned the lesson that you do NOT cuddle and sleep in the same bed with a girl you are not romantically involved with. Nor do you text all the time and tell each other you "love" each other (unless you aren't into girls, in which case there is no possible misunderstanding).

I think you should tell her how you feel regardless of the fact that she has a boyfriend. It's not like you're trying to make her break up, you're just telling her how you feel, as you would tell her if you had a crush on another girl. Tell her as a friend that you have a crush on her. I'm pretty sure she's already very much aware of it anyways.

[smackie9]

Dude you were her cuddle bi tch....that is the kiss of death. A girl doesn't wait around waiting for a guy to make a move if she really wants him bad. I will tell you right now if you didn't pussy out, your friendship would never have existed. She knows you have feelings for her or you wouldn't have given her the time of day. Please read the ladder theory.

BTW expect this new BF to complain about how close you two are....you are going to be cut off before you know it.