Should I be concerned? Help me chill out!

[pixiesticks]

I've been seeing my bf for about 8 months. The relationship was awesome in the beginning but started to become rocky and had lots of drama. (added stress from work) After the 8 month mark I broke it off (over the phone) because we were arguing too much and didn't seem to be making any progress. Long story short, we are both are members of AA for several years and go to meetings several times a week. (sometimes we'd go to a meeting together) Anyway, at these meetings people open up and talk with other members sometimes build good lasting friendships. I have a handful of very good male friends who I can talk to about anything comfortably with as 'just friends'. My bf and I are both in our late 40ies and have several years in this fellowship. Here's my concern... when I broke up with him he was devastated - completely and totally heartbroken. During the 2 months after the breakup I had very little contct with him b/c I thought it would be easier for both of us. He talked to all his friends and family and told them how hurt he was. Really upset, crying, and professing his love for me the whole time - during this time also had befriended one of the women who goes to these AA meetings who just lost her husband around the same time.

Cut to present; After several attempts to get back together with me during the two months I finally sat down and talked it out and decided to give it another shot. It's been about two weeks since we made up and started attending meetings together again, he's always very affectionate, holds my hand, sits close and puts his arm around me during the meeting. He makes it clear to all those around that we are back as a couple.

Okay, a few days ago I went to a meeting w/o him and when I got back he asked if so and so was there? (the woman friend) He told me about their friendship and that he basically became good friends with her because she listened while he described to her how utterly crushed he was about our brake up. She listened and gave him advice on our breakup. She's a few years older than us, good looking, but is more like an 'older sister type' caring and comforting, etc.

Last night we went to a meeting together and she was there. He waved hello to her and he and I found some seats together. He acted normal, holding my hand and arm around me, etc. After the meeting he brought me over to her and introduced us. She was all smiles and very, very nice. We all chatted a bit before going our separate ways. While he and I were driving home, he mentioned that she was a 'buddy' and really helped him when we were apart. They talked after meetings and walked their dogs etc. He said, don't be worried if I ever see them talking at a meeting or anything...

It really bothers me that he's got this new 'friendship' with her! Am I just being paranoid that they might go further with their friendship? How can I shake these feelings of jealousy? Am I being ridiculous?

Any suggestions?

UPDATE: Today, I was helping him log on to a network and found a different woman's name on an account. It was not there before and I asked who it was. He said 'a friend' I said what friend? It turned out to be the woman he broke up with so he could be with me 7 months ago. This really bothered me b/c it meant that he saw her recently. Reluctantly he confessed that he did go see her and slept with her because he thought 'we' were over.

I'm so upset and don't know what to believe...how can he be totally devastated by our break up and literally within a few weeks run back to old fling and have sex with her... is he just playing games on BOTH of us? I'm about to just end it again for good. No more bullsh*t, but I don't know if I'm overreacting! Please help!

[Cerby]

Yes, you're being rediculous. You have close male friends, and he doesn't have a problem with that, but he makes a close female friend when you two break up and its a problem.

He chose you, he fought to get you back. If you're insecure about him cheating on you or being with someone else even though he shows openly that you're together, then the problem is definitely on your end.

[steviej]

Exactly, you're being a total hypocrite. He's doing everything he can to help you feel comfortable about this woman.
when my gf split with me completely out of the blue and went n/c it was close female friends that helped me through. Women are great when it comes to stuff like that, they'll listen and put up with your moping and miserableness and let you talk about the same thing over and over. Bloke mates will let you tell them once then thats it, shut up get over it! Lol.
She's helped him through his heart ache over you, if anything was going to develop it would have happened during those two months! It hasn't, which shows they are just friends and nothing more.

[wanderlustboy]

These things can be hard, but I wouldn't be worried about it. If it was some kind of illicit relationship, he wouldn't be telling you about it. He seems very genuine about it; people want to tell their partners about things in their lives.

This woman obviously helped him in some way; the fact that he wants to tell you means that you're very important to him. I would think it's entirely innocent, on his side certainly.

wlboy

[pixiesticks]

Thank you very much for responding! Our breakup was very hard on both of us and I shut him out completely for two months. I've never gone back to someone after a breakup like that and wasn't too comfortable with 'whatever happened during the breakup'. I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I asked him (I know I had no right to) if he slept with anyone while we were broken up. He said I had no right to ask since I broke up with him and he wasn't going to answer either way. He added that he wanted me to 'wonder'... So naturally my thought was maybe he did and she's who he went to...

Anyway, I really needed to see in black and white, how ridiculous my thinking was on this one! Breaking up and making up is really hard to do, thank you for listening and kicking my butt on this one a little!