Oblivious, I am Thou.

[WriterToBe]

I am what we can call 'helpless' in the relationship factor. Almost 20 years old and I've been depressingly single my entire life. Pathetic, yes, but not exactly why one may think. I am attractive, not a model or anything (waaay to much behind for that, lemme tell ya), but I am pretty. I have a good personality, even if I can be a little biased, and I've been told many times that a girl like me deserves to be married by now. I think the facts are starting to catch up with me and, well... I'm oblivious.

Yes, yes, I know how stupid it sounds, but it's true. I can talk about sex with my friends, help them with their man problems, and hold my own in front of sexy, half-naked males (you'd be surprised at how many times that happens to me), but I'm completely freaking oblivious to their interests. It's like a switch in my brain malfunctioned and suddenly I can't tell if a guy's flirting or just being nice.

Example: Last year, I meet a new guy at the campus gym. He was so-so-sosoooooo AMAZING. We fit together like two pieces to a puzzle, and I almost loved him. At that time, I thought he only considered me a friend, because somehow, all the hugging and hints to dates went way over my head, as well as his excessive need to show off around me and get jealous over my other male friends calling me. I don't know how, but I never even gave the faintest consideration to him being totally crazy about me.

We're friends now (actual friends), and he has a girlfriend he meet over the summer. She came to talk to me one day to ask about my 'relationship' with him. I had no clue what she was talking about, and then she throws it at me.

"Couldn't you tell? He was totally into you. I think he still is, actually."

And now, one week later, I'm here, I'm oblivious, and I have no idea what to do about it. Heck, I didn't even know what forum to post this in. I've been going around like a freak the past two days, talking with my friends about it, and they've all given me the say 'no duh' expression and a simple deadpan of: "You're the most oblivious person I know." with no actualy help. People of 'loveforum.net', I'm sorry to throw the dramatics on you, but... you're my only hope in getting over this.

Any advice?

[wolfie91]

Well if you use the word "thou"....

Just kidding. But I think it's an age/experience thing. As a young adult, you haven't got that immediate read on the situation that an older person is going to have. I wouldn't be overly concerned about it just yet. Just relax and be yourself and it will come to you (really). This is the part where you just get to play without being anxious over finding a soulmate if that's not your gig (or if you just want to get better at this first).

Regardless, try and slow yourself down. Don't over-analyze things, but make sure you aren't rushing through your emotions just because they aren't familiar yet. Recognize the differences you feel in different situations and with different people. If you tune into yourself, it will be easier for you to read those around you.

[MaidenMinx]

Agree everything said above and I've like to add, get a book or 2 on body language.

[bulrush]

I'm a guy. Well, I was in the same boat. Many people in high school and college understood the subtle social cues that I could not see. I hear that people with a hint of autism have trouble with these subtle social messages. But, after I've been giving relationship advice for a while, and see what people consider "flirting", I can totally understand why they are so confused. Which is why I don't flirt much.

If I want to date someone I talk to them, make sure they aren't crazy (in a bad way). If it's working out, I just ask them out on a date. It's that simple. So, when I give advice to someone, I say "Don't flirt. Just ask them out, and use the word "date" so they know exactly what it is, and no one gets hurt. No one's been hurt too much by direct communication."

Now that I'm in my early 40s I understand more of these cues, plus I have been dating much more.