I can't walk away.

[Lover14]

Ive been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and i love him more than anything. We've just gone through a 'rough patch', but as far as i knew, we were okay again now. However, yesterday i found out that he has an account on a dating/chat website (Badoo if any of you know it), on this he has been chatting to girls (not necessarily flirting with all of them, but some..) and he says he is single and lives alone..
He told me that he created the account with his mates when we had an argument, but his last message was sent 2 days before christmas and he hasn't seen his mates for a couple of weeks.. so either way he has been going on it when we've been 'happy'.
He used to message girls and be a massive flirt when we first got together, but i genuinely thought he had changed and wouldn't do it again.
I know i shouldn't be with someone that does this, but i love him so much and i can't imagine my life without him.

Is there an easy way to get over someone? Does it matter that he was on it as he didn't actually meet anyone? Do you believe people can change, or will he always be like this?

I'm so confused about what to do. I want to be enough for him but i don't think i am anymore

[bulrush]

There is no easy way to get over someone. You have to decide if he will change and if you two want to work things out. I don't think he will change. You both sound young and he is not done exploring dating. Just because you love him doesn't mean he will stop cheating on you, which is disrespectful.

[Lover14]

I keep telling myself he will change, and i want to believe it, but i don't think he will. We are 20 and 21 years of age, and this is his first long term relationship, so i guess its all kinda new. He tells me he has never cheated on me, but i don't know if i believe him any more. I think i should leave because he is hurting me (not physically!!) but everytime i think of leaving, i break down. It would be so much easier if he would agree to end things, or break up with me, but he keeps telling me he wants to be with me.

[malteser]

Yes leaving someone is hard, but not leaving them for the fear of how hard it is only makes it harder when the relationship does end. In answer to your questions, No there is no easy way to get over someone, you need to keep busy and remind yourself of why the relationship broke down and try not to dwell too much and accept that it is over and get on with your life. Yes it does matter that he was on the site, how do you know he didn't meet anyone? And even if he didn't, he was still on there and talking/flirting with other girls, who thought he was a single guy living by himself! That is so disrespectful to you and to them. Yes I believe people change but only as they grow older and experience more from life. I don't think he is going to change anytime soon.

[Saya]

You two are still really young... He may change, but possibly not yet since he is young and still want to enjoy life and have fun.
Have you two talked about the future? Where is this relationship going?

[bcgirl]

Trust your gut intuition....it's mostly always right.

I was with my ex boyfriend for several years.....i made up a profile on a dating site when me and my ex were fighting one weekend. I did it because I was pissed off at him and I needed something to distract me and take away the pain of the fight....I needed attention from the opposite sex while my boyfriend was mad at me and ignoring me. Making a dating profile is by far the EASIEST way to get a date when you are looking for one, attention in the middle of the night when you are lonely, and distraction in all hours of the day. Plus you don't need to change outfits and go out to a bar and spend money. Nobody makes a dating profile just for the fun of it with no intention of meeting up or something more. For me, i definately made a dating profile to meet up with guys when me and my ex were in a fight. I hid it all too well from my ex. He had no clue. I ended up meeting up to about 15-20 guys in the timeframe of our relationship. You have the facts in front of you. He will deny his cheating ways until the day he dies. I denied it. The internet guys who were seeking love had no clue I had a boyfriend.

He most likely has his personal email/msn/facebook account that you and his friends have. He also has another email/msn/facebook etc. account for all the women he's been talking to. He is most likely not even using his real name.

His phone may have a lot of text messages from random girls. If he was smart, he would change all his female contacts names on his phone to male names. Roberta will be changed to Robert. You'd have no questions when you see this name pop up on his phone and won't even bother checking his txt messages.

His phone has a password that you don't know. He may turn off his phone alot or put his ringer on silent when he is around you

He will get very angry when you bring up the issue of not being able to trust him. He will even put a password on his computer so you don't snoop and find more dirty secrets. Plus he will try to erase all the history on his internet.

There are so many lists as to how a cheater tries to cover their trials. I have a whole slew of these lists that I used to do when I was unhappy in the relationship. The main point here is that he will NEVER change his ways as long as he is in this relationship with you. He may change his ways when he ends up in a different relationship in the future. But he will never change his ways as long as he is with you.

[Boisdevie]

You hope he will change = hopeless optimism. It's doomed. And deep down you really know it so dump him.

[Lover14]

You two are still really young... He may change, but possibly not yet since he is young and still want to enjoy life and have fun.
Have you two talked about the future? Where is this relationship going?

We used to talk about the future all of the time, and he used to mention marriage and our future together, now he rarely mentions it.

He most likely has his personal email/msn/facebook account that you and his friends have. He also has another email/msn/facebook etc. account for all the women he's been talking to. He is most likely not even using his real name.

He does have a work email account, which i only recently found out he uses. He's never told me this email address and i don't know the password.

His phone has a password that you don't know. He may turn off his phone alot or put his ringer on silent when he is around you

He never lets his phone out of site. Usually we are both quite open about our phones and several times he would have just given me his phone to have a play with and read msgs etc, but now he keeps it with him 24/7.

He will get very angry when you bring up the issue of not being able to trust him. He will even put a password on his computer so you don't snoop and find more dirty secrets. Plus he will try to erase all the history on his internet.

He deletes his history all of the time.

I've told him how he makes me feel and that maybe its not going to work out, but then he will tell me he wants to be with me and we can work it out. Im so confused.

[bcgirl]

I've told him how he makes me feel and that maybe its not going to work out, but then he will tell me he wants to be with me and we can work it out. Im so confused.

He is still unwilling to change. Actions speak louder than words. If he wants things to work out, he should start by gaining your trust again and leaving his phone out and not hiding emails and phones and deleting history from you. He is DEFINATELY cheating on you. Cheaters tend to be very good at hiding their tracks and turning the scenario around and blaming the other person when faced with accusations. He may not be in the stage of meeting, dating and f*cking other women yet....but he is at least having some sort of emotional affair with online women.

[Lover14]

He's always promised me he hasn't cheated, but this morning ive gone to use the laptop and he's changed the password so i can't get on it. Im such an idiot for believing him.

[Wakeup]

How can you possibly trust someone who is untrustworthy?
How will you EVER be able to trust this man from here on?
How can you stay with him and suffer in your head like you are and still be afraid to be without him?
How?

[bcgirl]

He's always promised me he hasn't cheated, but this morning ive gone to use the laptop and he's changed the password so i can't get on it. Im such an idiot for believing him.

yes, don't be naive to the facts. If a man had NOTHING to hide from you....why on earth is he hiding his laptop and phone? Especially since you've been suspicious and had a talk with him stating that it hurts you. He is going through too many great lengths to hide secrets from you....secrets that only his laptop and cell phone can tell. OFCOURSE he is going to swear on his mother's life that he hasn't cheated. You have no proof and have never caught him red handed, you have no leads... he is not going to admit to being guilty and have to go through a huge fight with you, a possible break-up and risk loosing you. He takes the easy route and the no brainer...."Baby, stop being silly....I never cheated on you and i will NEVER cheat on you. I love you, please believe that". Then you desperately want to believe whatever good things he is trying to say, so you take his word for it. However, his actions and the facts are pointing otherwise....and your gut is telling you he is lying. Believe your gut.

What is his excuse this time for putting a password on his computer after you told him you didn't like it and he told you he won't do it again? The truth will unfold one day.... i don't think you should wait that long but..... if you decide to, then you gotta be prepared to be a very good detective. One day he will forget to erase his history. One day he will forget to reset his passwords.....one day he will leave his cell phone on the couch while he goes to the washroom.......

I remember when my ex boyfriend figured out my password on msn. HE actually figured it out!! It's a funny story now when i talk about it, not at the moment though. I was on msn in my room talking to my affair online. My boyfriend at his parents house was using his parents computer and had a feeling of not being able to trust me. He tried for hours to get my password....and then bingo....he logged into my msn. MSN kicked me out on my computer with a pop up saying "someone else logged into the account" and i was like hmm thats weird, but just thought it was a glitch. So I restart msn and log back in and continue my conversation with my affair. Then msn kicked me off like 4 other times.....my affair called me and said "someone else hacked into your computer and is asking me questions".....i almost fainted and i was in panick mode. I knew right then and there who that hacker was...MY BOYFRIEND! I'm not a computer genius and didn't have 20 mins to figure out how to re-set my password on msn so I had to ask my affair. My affair didn't know i had a boyfriend.....and during this time my ex boyfriend was typing him msg's like "how do did we meet?" (pretending to be me ofcourse). I had to stay cool and tell my affair not to answer any of that person's question and told him that it was a disgrunted psychotic ex friend of mine. He bought it. Pheww. And he helped me change and re-set my password very quickly. I knew I had a lot of explaining to do to my boyfriend. So I quickly had to brain storm. My boyfriend showed up all pissed off and accusing me of cheating.....i swore on my life i wasn't and told him that this guy was "just a friend".....I flipped the story on him and asked him....well did you ask that guy any questions about us?? and my boyfriend said yes. And I was like...."well did he answer any of those stuff in a boyfriend type way?" and his answer was "no" (remember, i told my affair not to answer any of the hacker's questions) So therefore my boyfriend had no evidence on me. He bought my story.

[searock]

^ That is actually not funny, it's just cruel and wrong :S.

OP, I agree with other posters, your bf is definitely up to something. He would have no other reason to be so secretive about his cell/laptop. You can't trust him, and you can't have a healthy happy relationship with someone you can't trust.

[bcgirl]

^ yes it is very cruel and wrong. BUT....we are not together anymore and it's been years. I'm just giving my personal experiences through the view of a sleezy, selfish cheater to help the OP perhaps get a glimpse of what her own boyfriend is capable of doing.

[Lover14]

I'm very grateful for all the comments and advice.
He suggested we go back to 'dating' and i move out, i'm pretty sure he wants to do this so he can have a 'bachelor pad' and do whatever he wants. He says he wants to work through it and stay together, but everything else he does tells me he doesn't want to be with me. But i don't understand why he would tell me he wants to be with me if he doesn't.. wouldn't he just end it? I'm so confused. He tells me he loves me and wants to work through it, but then he'll go and **** up and do something to ruin the relationship. Is he just not mature enough to know how to act in a relationship, or is he trying to make me end it?
I still can't accept this is actually happening. I really thought he was different, and we would be together forever, i love him so much